A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Iv been with the same girl on and off for about four years, and things arent getting much better. During one of our longer break ups, I was starting to really move on, it took a really long time for this, for me to even stop crying at her name. Now we're back together and shes pregnant, obviously its not my baby due to my lack of material, and its driving me insane, Im miserable all the time. Recently a girl that I met that lives in a different city and who has a fiance contacted me, when we first met we hit it off, but there was no way I could handle a long distance relationship. Now Im finding myself atracted to her again. She is very flirtacious, and I flirt back, but we both have relationships and I dont belive in cheating. I also dont want to break up with my girlfriend, because I know what will happen later, Ill want her back because she is with someone else, but Im fine until she is dating someone. I dont know how to handle my break up, and I dont know what to do about this other girl.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): Did anyone notice that the OP is a female? Or was that a mistake? Not sure if it makes a difference in this case... it's just interesting that no one else seemed to notice.
A
female
reader, shnookims  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 In my opinion, you are already cheating on your girlfriend, as is this girl on her boyfriend. Cheating isn't only physical, it's also emotional and as it seems you're both getting your emotional needs fulfilled by someone else.
You don't want to be with your girlfriend because she makes you happy, you want to be with her because you're possessive of her. YouWish is right, you're like a little kid in the playground.
I agree that you need to be single for a while and you definately are not ready to be a father, step father or whatever role you were planning on taking in this child's life. You need to take the time whilst you're single to find out who you are and what you want, not what you don't want other people to have.
Sorry if you find me harsh but your not happy now and you need to be honest with yourself and with these girls.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): I do not see her as a toy, and its more complicated than that. I do enjoy her company half the time but since the pregnancy its become worse, and I meant durring the moving on period of my life.
And thank you followtheblackrabbit, I know you are right I do need to really think this through, Im just afraid to hurt her and hurt myself. Being with her is my only serious relationship, and whether im in love with her or not, I still love her
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 You need to break up with your pregnant girlfriend and be single for awhile. You lack the maturity to hold a stable and meaningful relationship.
You're like the little kid in the playground who wants the toy that someone else is playing with, and as soon as you yank the toy away from the other kid, you see ANOTHER toy that some other kid is playing with, and all of a sudden, you don't want the toy you're playing with anymore.
Girls are not toys. They're not emotional yo-yo's. You need to figure out WHY you only want ones who are unavailable and with other people. You should stay single before you hurt any more girls and get yourself more screwed up in the process.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 Tough situation to be in...I will not tell you to do but, think of this: you said it yourself, you only want your girlfriend when she's with another, you hate that she's carrying another man's child, and you found youself close to someone else. Ask yourself this: are with her because you truly love her? Or because you're used to her and don't want change. Hon, there's now the baby to think of too. Can you learn to cope with that? Change your lifestyle? Make all the sacrifices a child demands? The baby's father might want to stay in the picture, you might have to deal with that too. I suggest you take a time out to think about your wants and needs, be very honest yourself with yourself. Talk to someone you trust and respect and figure this out-you might be too close to the picture to see some things. Best of luck! xo
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