A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago me and a friend ended up admitting we really liked eachother and had a few intimate encounters. However we agreed that due to the fact we are in a band together it would be better if we didn't make it anything serious and he also told me he was scared about letting me down because he cared about me so much he couldn't stand the idea of hurting me. Anyway since then he has got back with his ex gf but he still treats me as more than just a friend e.g we've had some dirty conversations, discussed some intimate topics and not to mention sending each other some risqué photos. This made me really confused about where we are with eachother. Now to complicate things he's just told me that his gf thinks she might be pregnant and he doesn't to be father but his gf is unsure as she doesn't want it but doesn't want to get rid of it (she's already had 1 abortion). I really want to help him and stuf but it's tearing me up as it feels really unfair with how he treats me as much more than a friend. I don't know what to do and I don't want to lose him but if his g/f is pregnant I don't know whether I could stand it.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 I don't know what help you think you can provide either. The girlfriend should get a pregnancy test, but that has nothing to do with you.
OP, this situation is pretty straight forward. You fancy a guy who likes you enough to talk dirty to you but not enough to be your boyfriend. Instead he went off with someone else.
I think a lot of women enter into FWB arrangements in an effort to show how 'objective' and 'pragmatic' they can be about sex. We've been accused so often of being overly emotional and desperate for relationships. The thing is, OP, there is nothing objective and pragmatic about doing things that couples do while agreeing not to be a couple. If I did the things a farmer did, would that not make me a farmer? Would it be logical of me to pretend I wasn't?
The answer here is simple. Treat your so called friend the same way you'd treat any other friend. No kisses, cuddles or heavy petting, no dirty pictures, no sex talk or anything of that nature. If you don't want to ruin a professional relationship, so to speak, then be professional in your dealings with one another.
Be cordial with your friend, but don't offer any support. He and his girlfriend will sort things out on their own one way or another. And you're free to date someone else. Someone who actually likes you enough that he wants to be exclusive and official.
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (27 January 2013):
 He doesn't want to hurt you by getting serious but the fact is he is hurting you because he can never be serious. He wants to think he is sparing you the pain by letting this affair go underground. His logic is skewed.
I don't know what help you are referring to. It helps if you can disconnect yourself from this liaison and be a platonic friend only. You can listen to him, offer opinion. It is not your position to help out anything that interferes with his and his girlfriend's lives. You are his escape because he does not want to deal with the reality that he is becoming a dad.
You should not be afraid of losing him. He is a cheater, irresponsible and has no sense of boundaries. Every time he gets too touchy feely, remind him of his girlfriend and the baby. You can't stand her being pregnant so this itself is reason to detach yourself from him.
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