A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am completely puzzled by my ex boyfriends behaviour. He obviously did not think i was worthy of his love.After 7 yrs and a child together, despite always having to prove to him i was, he still dumped me anyway and cut all contact with us. that was 3 months ago and i have stayed strong struggled with the pain and hurt that cuts deep in my heart daily. i truly loved him with all my heart an still do. today i got a txt saying "why dont you just fuck off" just out of the blue and im puzzled as why is he angry at me. im the one that got dumped. he dont speak to us or see us zero contact. he cut us out of his life completely yet he has the cheek to be angry at me for his decision to dump me. he should be happy. it is what he wanted not us. not our decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): try online datin. it will get you a man quicker than a ferry over the mersey.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): are you still puzzled.??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): why is this guy still hounding me when we are over and i am now dating someone else he is stalking me i believe he is mentaly unstable
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): Yes zero contact. Thats standard behavior of for someone who see`s the other as the source of problems,trickery and unhappiness. You seem quite happy at keeping it like that. You also knew he would read this and thought whatever it was you did,that it would either clear you or your way of laughing in his absent face when all of a sudden people start telling you what a bad lot he is. You behave like a child and its no suprize he doent want to contact you,he knows you too well,thats why.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): To get over your married guy, you have to get under another, trust me, i have been there. i was on cloud 9.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): This has never been a problem 4 me. I never get dumped. My guys get addicted and know they cannot find better. I know I have it and never let it go to my head. I dont have to try,never flirt,behave sexual,embarrass myself on match.com,wont dont do 1 nighters and I dont have to shout for attention because all eyes are instantly on me. Its hard to understand why,but you either have it or you dont. I am normal to my guy,dont treat mean or seem over keen,dont boast,I treat him well,never cheat or lie to him. Some girls dont like me but they know its because thier guys eyes are on me. I wish I could give you some advice but follow what I say in how to behave and maybe your luck will change..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): I did the "just have sex to get it over with" thing. I am married, he's not-- not over it. We still text back and forth and afraid it will happen again if I see him. So I try to avoid him too. Haven't seen him in a month-- still thinking of him
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A
female
reader, tcm  +, writes (16 January 2011):
If he had left you for another you would have stated it. As you mention he should be happy as its what he wanted,has he told you its not what he wants anymore? For what it seems, he could be happy with everything else but just not happy with you. You do not seem the type to be asking advice,the answers can often lead to having to hear and sometimes your own faults can get exposed. It doesnt suit some people. Maybe he`s angry because he`s a jerk, and jerks are always angry, and text the occasional abusive message out of the blue is the safest answer in your case.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): what is this? it is impossible to get angry at another person over your own choices. People leave relationships because they are unhappy,found his other half has broke the rules or found someone else. People dont text abuse out of the blue months later unless something upsets them. The text itself sounds like a response or reply. Who are you fooling? If he wasnt happy with the choice he has made then he wouldnt send a message like that,it would be a nice one or he would test the water to see what the situation is. It has been months and is still angry? so he left angry simply because YOU wasnt worthy of HIS love? that is not what makes a person angry. if you re write this and admit to the part you BOTH played,meaning YOU aswell and stop believing people are stupid,then maybe someone can help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Have you thought that it is the end of the road and he is angry about something not related to your status? If he sent a txt like that out of the blue,then its unlikely he has any thought about a relationship whether past or present?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): what are you asking? does nt make any sense. if you mistreat he will dump you for that. if he mistreated you then its over. if you wanted people to call him names then say what he did. if its over for a long time and he sends one text it may have gone to rong number,he thinks you did or said something or you dont want anyone to know what it was. this is nt a problem. is it a married man?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): The bottom line is you blind sided with your powerful, never anticipated sucker punch when you showed him that your child and yourself were now the center of your affections and no longer him. For years, you brainwashed him to believe that regardless of how badly he treated you that you would continue to love him, honor him, worship the ground that he walks on (although belongs under). Therefore when he threw you away this last time, rather than plead and beg for him to continue wiping his germ-ridden feet all over and about you, you exhaled praying that he stay away and never turn back. You had a beautiful awakening. You love your child and yourself, NOT him. You snatched yourself from under his feet, throwing him over board in the process. He is enduring an extreme case of shock with the revelation that he is no longer your Somebody, but rather your Nobody. He now presents an immense danger to your child and yourself. Seek legal assistance. I'm walking your very exact walk. Your situation with him is nothing to be taken lightly. Please take his behavior seriously and seek legal assistance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): i was about to suggest he drove her to it but i forgot it was damaged at the time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Wasnt supposed to find out and it can be very insulting when someone has the nerve to find out what they wasnt supposed to know. BB a cut above the rest if you get my drift. Can be very exciting and the risk is like wow. You only live once. Oh i love my man by the way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Was that film called sleeping with the enemy? This is very disturbing and needs to be dealt with. Is your ex married?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): u see things like this in films. people are strange. fact is stranger than fiction so the saying goes.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Not getting into the have a go at you like a lot of them. I am curious to what you did,and even more i ask you is "why come on here asking a question what you know is invalid?" Thats is if you know your own actions are a bit on the wierd side,because whichever way you turn,there is something psychological in it. I think if you did something about the adnormal behaviour,sought help,then there is every chance of healing. Would it not be in your own interest if a better person came out of it? There is time to sort yourself. You could be an alright person if you practice some awareness and develope an understanding of right from wrong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I would never be like this to my man. if we shoud part i still hope he is successful. I dont want him to fail or end up in a gutter. that is the difference between us. my ex's are left with good memories,yours willremember you for what?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): All you got was a text... If it had been my b/f he would have delivered it personally to you and stuck the cell phone down your throat.... You have been a weasel and hopefully you change because in the end it is going to turn around on you..There is no contract an any relationship. If you treat someone badly they will leave. Even if you are good,they still have the right to be able to make that choice. Underhanded revenge tactics show a willingness to get what you want through intimidation.... When you first got together did you mention the consequences should he decide to opt out? That is not love,you feel undermined at having lost control.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): it is important that the ones who are starting out to know that this is not typical,just like every man doesnt cheat or beat on his girl.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): We like to complain about our loved ones. I also have written here what at that time i percieved as problems. It sometimes makes me realize,compared to some, just what a wonderful woman i married and how much i owe to her. A tower of strength. A friend i hope until the end. The invisible enemy,she has never been. i count my blessings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): What exactly happened i dont know. Things like this, or how it is presented never get better. What he did,or you blame him for,this is more than revenge. If you act first and wish you didnt after,then seek help. I dont have to repeat what is written,you already know. What is disturbing is hitting out,then gaining sympathy in such a convincing manner. I know one thing,you dont do love. He left for a reason. He now has a reason not to return. My conclusion is that you are unlikely to want to listen. Angry is not the word,he must hate the thought of sharing a planet with you. Somehow I see you as presenting yourself as normal to everyone. Your a star in your own show.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): http://www.relateforparents.org.uk/divorce-thoughts-to-help-parents-part-3-moving-on.php
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): It`s you that`s angry. It goes to show you just can`t trust anyone,no matter who. It`s a sad sad world we have to live in. You never know who your enemies are.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): dont be tempted to bite back. stay far away and remember she is a master at her craft,she will strike then beieve she is a victim. keep everything on record.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (8 January 2011):
OMG!!! Your life must be like a horror film. What happened? Be very careful because she seems rather dangerous. Make sure you dont get pulled back in because she sounds very calculated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): I would keep a record of everything what happens. What is going on is unclear,but what matters here is that sick people dont just stop,they carry on and on. Your safety is at risk and I would consider relocating.She is a skilled actress/liar. Do not try to get even,it is about your safety.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): Some people need help. You are 1 of them. If you are still puzzled I can tell you that its in the hands of the police now and being examined by handwriting experts along with other pieces of your writing. False allegations are not treated lightly. You need help. I`m not angry. I pity you. xxX cartwright Xxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): You reap what you sow sometimes in life. To blame or insult who got hurt with a silly excuse,or adding more disrespect on top of disrespect will not keep love in its place. Remember, it is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver,to cheat on a cheater or lie to the liar. Cheating women also tell lies,not just lying to others but to themself, but soon after that they have cheated themselves out of who they thought they would love forever. Telling half the story equals a lie so let him go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): You are puzzled why he is angry but then he`s angry at you for his own decision? Youre talking in riddles. Its more than likely you do know after being with him 7 years. No one cuts someone off for nothing and it puts a question mark on your mentality. 7 long years,no build up? Became angry then went. I suggest you ought to look around you as youre totaly living in another world whats exclusive to you.If you are the age it says,then your argument is like that of a pre teen. It doesnt make sense. Of course you know.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): op, cat lady seems to have gone slightly off topic. so no contact for 3 months and out of the blue comes an abusive message? the message sounds a certain reply or reaction. have you asked him? 7 years then zero contact? he believes something or there is something you prefer to bury. i do believe you do must know why he`s angry. your story is unreal. half a story never solved an argument.
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female
reader, cat lady  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Well lady, I don't want to upset you but conscience won't allow me to fail to warn you about something you have clearly not considered. Victims never do think of these things; that's why they're called victims. I do not like the sound of this at all! Just a feeling I have, and one born of some professional experience.
First, I have a question or two: How did he manage to cut you out of his life completely when you've had a child together? Do you have proof of parenthood, any legal record with his name as the father? Is he paying child support? You haven't said so and now I wonder why you haven't had him hauled into court for it. The courts would, of course, have ordered their own paternity test. If he is paying, that might account for some of his bad temper. I don't know what's happened to people in the last 30 years or so, but there are far too many men these days who think they can father children and then just dump them along with the mother.
There are at least two ways of looking at this: He's just drunk and won't even remember what he did the next day and it's nothing to worry about or he's gone crackers and you DO have something to worry about. (which one do you want to bet your health on?) When men of today surprise you with their bad behavior, expect more of it. Maybe it's food additives or drugs, who knows, but you no longer have the luxury of merely concentrating on feelings in a situation like this; you have to consider the possibility of danger. If it looks bad to you, count on it: it's worse.
You should have kept that text message for your legal representation. A case could be made for 'contempt of court' if he's paying support and then harassing you at the same time. If he's not paying anything, you can have him picked up anyway, just for that. Is that the only message? If you don't respond, there will likely be more. So far, no overt threats but a lawyer can do a lot with the bad language and his own phone company might cut him off for it.
I don't know your local laws but in America, anything that looks like a threat coming over the phone, the internet or the mails (especially the U.S. Mail since the feds have that and mail abuse really pisses them off)will land you in jail. It's a federal offense. Your cell phone company has a record of every text and every phone call but you may need a request from the police to make them take the trouble to pull them all up for you.
If you're living alone with your child, change that immediately. Have your family around or at least a couple of big bruisers for roommates. Don't put anything past a man who'd abandon his child and its mother and then start acting bonkers. If you think you know 'he'd never do this or that,' you're wrong, got it? Better to be called paranoid later than have your relatives crying outside your hospital room. And I'd rather be called a scare-monger now than not tell you what you'd certainly hear from your local L.E.O. if you'd had enough healthy suspicion to seek one out. I very much hope I'm wrong, but these days, faith in human nature can get you hurt worse than you ever imagined.
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