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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, could any one out there give me some advice. I have split from my boyfriend of a year the thing is he totaly used me in every sense. He lived in my home rent free, he drove my car and never ever brought me out for dinner or anything. He didnt even get me anything for my birthday.Looking back now, I was a total fool because I'm a single parent and I just thought i was helping him because he was in debt. Well he's gone now and is living somewhere else and is paying big money in rent, and he couldnt give me anything when he lived here! He has totaly moved on without one thought of how good I was to him. I feel such a fool and so used. I'm so angry that i want to take revenge. This guy did so many bad things to me that if i posted them it wouldnt be shown.So what do i do? I'm so angry at him and myself...
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2006): I have been in your situation, only a few months ago. I had so much anger too! Being completely fucked over by someone you thought you loved is a harsh thing to go through, but sometimes necessary, you do learn a lot!
Think about this: The only person who your anger is hurting is YOU. Not him! So he is even causing you misery now - don't let him!
It will take time for the anger to die down, and for you to stop feeling so much pain, but it will happen:- as long as you keep reminding yourself that NOTHING good will come from having angry feelings, and that you are only harming yourself.
I know how easy it is to daydream about what you would do to him if you could, but it is a very distructive emotion that will prolong your pain, so, think about it a little, as it is good to let your mind work through things, but don't agonise over it; don't let it control you.
One thing I have learnt, I don't know whether or not I'm right.. other writers?: Your "investment" in to a relationship is only as good as the last "good" thing you did. You could spent 10 years being a perfect partner, but that means nothing if the person you are with wants to hurt you. The answer is to be much more careful about who you choose to be with, as I am sure there were plenty of "signs" that showed he was not right for you - and he would eventually do this?
Good luck, you will get through this!
A
female
reader, giggles +, writes (15 August 2006):
hi i totally know where you are coming from the best way to get revenge is to show him that you are moving on without him, show him it is his loss and you dont need someone who has been such an idiot in your life.look after yourself and your son and stop letting him hurting you get in the way.look at it from this view that, that was the past and now you need to concentrate on your future.also no matter what you do in order to get revenge those hurt and angry feelings wont go away so it prob wont be a long term solution,really what is it going to achieve? i say dust yourself off treat it as a lesson in your life that has shown you to never let anybody treat you like that again. it is scary at first but you need to put you first and always do that or risk getting walked over again. i did it for 9 yrs and now im single with my daughter and im enjoying the stress free life i have got. gd luck and take care. one last thing find something else to take your mind off of him i started going to the gym and it helped boost my confidence and has helped me move on.try and find something to distract you from thoughts of him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): There may be a way to get payment back if you consult a lawyer; but the chance is very slim.
It would hurt to discover you were used and betrayed by someone you loved and cared for.
Whose decision was it to end this relationship?
Was it the fact that he was a lay about? That he was inconsiderate?
In this case, you will remain a victim until you can forgive and move on.
Get some individual counseling. A counselor can help you cope with your feelings and help you deal with them and move on.
Turn to friends and family and take delight in all the good things you have in your life; count your blessings.
Learn from this.
Make some rules for yourself about who you will date and what qualities they will have.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, Serene Katy +, writes (14 August 2006):
 This anger is totally justified. Use it to get you past the first stage of a relationship breakup, that is No Contact. Use it to drive you on and change the patterns you had with him in your life.
Oh but he gave you alot when he lived with you. Some very valid information, which will aid your personal development. Write down some things this gentleman has taught you about yourself. That you are giving (you must guard against giving too much), that you can love (remember you too are loveable and deserve love in return). You say he used you, I might gently remind you, you allowed this to happen.
You just chose the wrong person to benefit from your loving support. Ask yourself why you didn't stop what you term as his using of you. Perhaps it was neediness? You know, you can find a wonderful full life without a man. Make the best of your family life, as it is. When you make the most of yourself and what you have, you can be more selective about whom you allow into that precious loving area of your life. You will be more confident, less needy and this is very attractive, so you stand a better chance of meeting a man who will love you for all you are.
But be accepting of yourself, experience your anger, let it out, writing is a great way. One way or another, in his life, this person will see that not everyone is as generous and kind as you, what does it matter what he realises? You are moving on to better things armed with the knowledge (which you can't buy) that he did give you.
XX Katy
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