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My ex boyfriend is playing games! How do I handle this?

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 June 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 14 October 2010)
A female United States age , *at2c2004 writes:

Dear Cupid,

I probably already know my own answer, but I am confused. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 4 1/2 years. I am 48 yrs old, was married 26 years. He is 52 married 3 times and insecure. He left me for a woman 10 yrs older than him and they broke up because of me, so he claims. I knew the woman he was pursuing and my instincts were correct. He claims to care very much about me, even told a former boyfriend of mine he would hunt him down if he ever hurt me... which happened... he harmed me for life with herpes.

MY ex-bf calls me every time I call him, he meets me for drinks/lunch/dinner.. and has allowed me to sleep in his bed with him... cuddling only. The other night, I was going to meet him at a night club for my birthday celebration... he got there before me. He saw his ex-girlfriends family/friends there and called me to say, we cant be seen together there because that would ruin his chances of getting back with her... yet we had a marvelous night of talking and cuddling and then we had a wonderful morning and afternoon the next day!!! He told me he really enjoyed our time together... he told me when I was with another man he was having second thoughts about me and getting back with me... but he wants to go slow.

I feel he is lying to himself and will lie to his ex-gf and not tell her about seeing me to gain her back. I know he cares about me but I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He accused me all the time of cheating... I am very sincerely committed. His ex gf has my cell and I have hers, we have been together several times and she says she is done with him but admits she loves him too. Thats fine, he is loveable, and she found another man and my ex is hoping to gain her back. I was really hurt he would be seen with me in front of her family while she is on vacation away... but willing to be with me 3 times in one week.

He Text messages me, calls me more now than he has in months. I feel we are so meant for each other... we get along great...! What is your opinion? Also, should I be honest with his ex-gf and call to let her know we have been together and ask her politely to not lead him on OR give him false hopes? We are both adults and have no problem talking or texting... but my ex bf asked me to not contact her anymore so she doesnt know he and I are in contact with each other. sounds strange... that is why i am so confused.

View related questions: broke up, ex girlfriend, herpes, his ex, insecure, my ex, text

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A female reader, Cat2c2004 United States +, writes (14 October 2010):

Cat2c2004 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I don't know whether to call my ex-bf my "ex" or current boyfriend? I recently moved back in with him. We were together 4 1/2 yrs and broke up for 8 months. I have my own bedroom, but he has invited me to sleep with him at least once a week sometimes more. We are getting along even better than ever and really enjoy being with each other. He has bought me sweet little things, gives me money and tells me he loves me and always will, but he said his love for me is different now? In-other words, he is not in love with me. He calls me from work at least once a day sometimes more, he shows empathy and concern when I am having a bad day.... I just don't know what to make of us? I am trying to take this slow, I don't want to get hurt again, but I do want to marry this man. What do you make of this? By the way, prior to moving in with him I dated a couple men. He expressed jealousy in many ways, in-fact it got to the point where I just told him I wouldn't date around again, since he was reconsidering us back together.

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A female reader, BunnyTee United States +, writes (9 June 2010):

BunnyTee agony auntCount me confused too, now. The whole thing you've detailed here is so convoluted as to be nearly incomprehensible. Which of these men are you currently with? the 52 yro who left you for a 62 yro?(which I'd think was a good reason for him to be an ex, in the first place) Just who is the ex b/f? And WHY do you care what some other woman thinks of anything? I think you need to drain the swamp, figure out who's with whom-including yourself-get all that straight and maybe we can see about getting somewhere with this

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