A
female
age
26-29,
*smelody
writes:Hi everyone. I hope you are all alright and God is following your steps. Today I'm writing here to ask everyone advice on a matter that seems complicated to me. So. I had a boyfriend, and if anyone has read about it before, we are not blood related, but he's my cousins "cousin" and according to him he can't have a relationship with me because my cousin doesn't want Him to and he thinks it's bad cause we grow up with the same people, BUT me and him didn't grow up together. So now he is going around, chilling with my sister, and calling, her and all that including buying her drinks and etc. He took me out of his life and put her. My sister and shes loving seeing me hurt.Trust me She is. I feel bad because my sister knows how bad He hurt me and she still goes around with him.And trust me I know that I don't have the right to choose her friends. But I would like to,know if I am I the one being childish or she is the one that's wrong? Cause
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female
reader, msmelody +, writes (18 January 2014):
msmelody is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd thanks everyone for the great advice and taking your time to answer me. Thank you so much everyone.
A
female
reader, msmelody +, writes (18 January 2014):
msmelody is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ wiseowl. My parents have no clue of what's going on. Actually my dad only, raised us. She's the one letting a guy come between us. They now wanna go out, call each other I don't know what sort of texts they send eachother, atc
I thought my older, only sister, was that was gonna be by my side in this, as in helping me through this . But instead she's adding to it. Her and I live alone outside of our countries to take up studies so the home atmosphere is really heavy right now. I will move on. Course I will. But right now I'm feeling disguised by my sister and I can't even talk to her. I can't stand this situation anymore.
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A
female
reader, msmelody +, writes (18 January 2014):
msmelody is verified as being by the original poster of the question@wiseowle not my parents at all. I actually was raised by my dad and he doesn't even have an idea of the whole situation cause I wouldn't tell him. I live with my sister outside of our country. We stay the two of us only. So she doing this is ruining the atmosphere here at home. You said I shouldn't let a guy come between. It's not about the guy anymore. It's about she being my sister, my older one, and now she's hanging out, being friends the person that broke my heart. All she can tell me is to "not be childish". If one person has let a guy come between was her. I know I don't have the right to choose her friends but what she's doing is hurting me, she's hurting me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2014): Don't let a guy come between you and your sister. It's going to fizzle out; because he's basically seeing her to spite you.
She doesn't realize she's being used as a psychological weapon. Just stop letting it get to you. Every-time you
let them see you upset, you feed the fire.
Let them flaunt the friendship; you know exactly what's behind it. It's meant only to get back at you; so there's really nothing special about it. He probably isn't that great anyway, but the circumstances are just annoying.
What bothers me is that your parents don't intervene to keep the peace. They probably never liked the situation to begin with, so they stepped aside to let it burn itself out.
Follow their lead. It will.
See it for what it is, and don't look at it like it's real.
It isn't.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 January 2014):
 I think the more you ignore it, the less "fun" it will be for your sister. I think she is pretty competitive with you and USED to winning, apparently she think he is a prize... *rolling my eyes* Obviously he is NO great prize so the joke is on he.
Wish them well and ignore it. You can do a LOT better. And if she wants your "secondhand" BF let her...
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A
female
reader, msmelody +, writes (17 January 2014):
msmelody is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSugarplum786 thanks for the great advice. It's like that you know, I work hard for everything. It's hard for me to move on, but I eventually will. I have before. It's just I am very disappointed that my sister is doing such a thing and since we live together I can't look at her without feeling disguised and sad. But like you said before, I will just fake it. And thanks so much for your advice and motivational words. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, msmelody +, writes (17 January 2014):
msmelody is verified as being by the original poster of the question@iamheretohelpyou Yes I have spoken to her and all she said was, "That's childish".and thank you so much for taking your time to answer. And thanks for the great advice.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (17 January 2014):
 The question of why is not your problem anymore. She is still your sister. She may be jealous of what you had. She might have been the favorite child that does not mean she is the happiest child. Let her be. Love her as a sister.
That guy is no better…he knew she was your sister and still wanted her. But now look at you…jackass free. One less idiot in your life…that should feel good.
You could have married him, had kids, and then he leaves you for your sister. See, could have been worst. So smile, worst didn’t happen. Thank GOD for that.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786 +, writes (17 January 2014):
 Don't ever feel inferior or inadequate. It does not matter that she is the blue eyed girl. I am a firm believer that those that have everything on a silver platter struggle with challenges in life. Where as the one that has to constantly work and prove them selves end more successful and eventually the more confident person. Yes I talk from experience been in your shoes, not to the extend what your sister has done to you, but I have had my heart broken and was always the black sheep. But today I would not trade my life. I have a wonderful husband, that loves me and respects me and showed what true love is. Also I am very successful and have a career. I carved my own path not what others lead me too.
When life throws you lemons make lemonade don't become self pitying and give up. Everything you want out of life you work for it and in the end you are rewarded. I would gladly offer to mentor you, because sometime all your need is for someone to steer you in the right direction.
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A
female
reader, msmelody +, writes (17 January 2014):
msmelody is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just can't understand why. He's not the problem anymore. It's why is she going around with him? Why my sister? Of all people. Cool they knew each other before, if you read back on the original question, cause of our relatives. But they weren't friends. Why befriend him now? For the sake of seeing me hurt??
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A
female
reader, msmelody +, writes (17 January 2014):
msmelody is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi :) thank you for taking your time to answer. It's very hard to go on like this. Cause my sister is older then me 5 years, since I'm 18 and she's 23. I can't understand why she is doing that. I mean she's always been the favorite kid and everyone loves her and all my life I've lived in her shadow. Why hurt me? When I tried to talk to her she just told me I'm being childish. Right now I have very bad feelings towards her, the both of them actually. And I don't wanna feel that. I'm not a bad person. I don't wanna hate my sister. And don't get me wrong it's not because of him, its because she of all people is being besties with him, ONLY AFTER he broke up with me. I don't wanna hate her. I really needed an older person to answer me that, and luckily you did. I just don't know what to do.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (17 January 2014):
You should be happy he is not with you, not upset. If he is willing to do that to you now, what would happen later in life if you were still together?? When things like this happen, it’s not bad. Just getting the bad person out of your life to become someone else’s problem not yours.
So, wish her all the best, and say “thank you for taking him off my hands. I could have wasted more years on a man who doesn’t really care about me. Thank you sis”
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786 +, writes (17 January 2014):
Who need enemies if they have a sister like yours. Honey don't let her or this guy get under your skin. Try to start enjoying your life, have fun and keep busy. This hurt will only last as long as you want it that is if you refuse to let go and move on.
No point in showing your sister or this guy the pain they inflicting in you as they seem to get a perverse sense of satisfaction. Its hard but even it means fake being happy around them and eventually that will become real.
We all have people like that around us, we accept it and grow a thick skin to move on in life. Goodluck and take care
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