A
female
age
30-35,
*oneybun
writes:ok so here is the long story and i apologize ahead of time. This guy and i met back in 2007 in high school (let's call him "J") Since day number 1 we knew there was going to be something between us. We became friends, and he would always be there for me. Even when i miss school he would call me as soon as he could even if he was at school to find out why i had missed school. After a few months into school he confessed he was in love with me and that he loved something he had never felt for anyone in that way. I rejected him even when i did love him too. I was too afraid that my family would reject him and that he would cheat on me. He was older than me i was only 16 and he was 20. He was a senior in hs. The reason he was so old in HS is because he moved to the States when he was like 16 or so and had to repeat years. So i hope u can understand why i was afraid in so many ways as you might have noticed i was afraid that me being a little girl i would be a game for him, and deceive me. I was afraid my fam would want to involve the police int this as well. Well we had like a spring love until i had to moved to a different State. Even when i moved he kept calling me (our love was something that we would looked at each other and have like electric shocks hahah i could feel his soul and he could feel mine). Soon i found a new boyfriend, and i liked him very much, so i told J about my new bf and he stopped calling me. We never had contact again. I went on with my life, with a very rocky life i would say. All the time i would miss him here and there, and i had many boyfriend but it would never work. I had bf for a year who ended up cheating on me, and i take part of the responsibility because i was never able to satisfy him emotionally .Well on February of this year J texted me out of the blue. We started texting and catching up with each other's lives. He told me he had other two relationship in these year we had no communication ( more than 4 years). One was a total failure, and the other one was tragic. The girl and him moved in together she got prego when she did not want to have a baby and decided to get an abortion without consulting him, so they obviously separated. Then he started talking about the past ( that's when actually gave me a phone call) and he would no stop telling me how much he loved me then, and how beautiful i was to him, and how great memories we had, and he brought up a lot of events and memories we had together into the conversation, he also said he has kept all the physical memories like all my pictures ( he even told me how he named the album where he was keeping all my pictures "my love") and yes he kept my phone number all those years, but he was afraid to call. Out of the blue he started telling me he had met a girl online who had a lot of things in common with him, and who happened to be a close neighbor back in his country. Well they had chat a lot online and became a couple, he was flying to his country next week to meet her for the first time and would also propose to her. I asked him how he had come up with his decision of getting married, and he said that they had a lot in common well he wanted to get married because he felt ready and well she was there and well the one.....i asked are u sure about her and he said he had to meet her Yes, then i told him i had never forgotten about him, that none of my relationships had worked because of him, and that i needed him to visit me so that i could find out if my feelings were still true or were just memories, he agreed. The day before his flight he gave me a call to say good bye, and i asked him why he had kept my number and all the memories. He did not know what to say he sounded frustrated and confused and he said he did not know after rambling . Well later on that night he called again. More confused than ever. he said he never deleted or got rid of any memories because after all he had never forgotten me, and i was an important part of his life because i was the first girl he ever felt something for in the USA. he said and remarked "i love my gf". He also said he kept my number all this time because he always had the hope i would call him or he would call me. However he said he also needed to visit me to see if it was all memories or something real between us, but that he loved his gf. that night he said good by and he also said "te quiero" in spanish. We never spoke again from that call. He did proposed and she said yes. It seems like they had a good time. Well 2 weeks ago he got a phone again. So he texted me as soon as he got it...we started talking about random things and i finally asked how was his trip to his country and he said solid "it was ok" and changed the subject. Since then we have been texting all the time and he has been calling me every night after work. He tells me about his day and i tell him about mine. He makes sures he says te quiero and i miss you all the time. And he insinuates marriage with me. I have noticed (from what i see on fb) that his family and her family get along pretty well so everyone is super excited about the wedding. Two days ago i asked him "when is the wedding" and he seemed uncomfortable and not excited about it he replied "well we have not set a date yet" so i asked more questions (which i don't remember) and he said " well we going to get marry but not yet when we sset a date then we will, in the mean time i pay her university so that she can get a visa to come visit me instead of waiting for to go visit her...." he did not sound excited =/so i asked more personal questions about her and he seemed ashamed of her. he calls me every night until i pick up heheh i like talking to him he makes me feel alive again . so my question is Do you guys think he is playing some sort of games with me?? or do you think he still has something for me?? pls give me your opinions i will appreciate all type of advice and opinions thanks I'm also open to extra advice or answers
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Hi,
I have a question for you before I offer my advice.
"How would you feel if you were engaged to a guy and that guy was texting and having relationship chats with another woman?" Think about that question for a minute and then ask yourself this one " If he does return to your life in a relationship setting, would you trust him knowing that he did this to his fiancee?"
Anyway, you are right, he is confused and so are you. You have allowed your residue feelings for him to sabotage your relationships that you had. And here he pops up again and it seems like oh so fairy tale...but fairy tales have never included a third party who is a fiancee.
True you may have shared something cosmic and soul binding, but years have passed and that changes people...might not be the feelings, but it changes peoples characters and personalities.
You guys need to have a personal visit with each other. Decide and de code what your feelings are for each other and make a decision. I am not sure how trustworthy he is since he is talking marriage and all sorts of crazy things when he has a woman who loves him waiting on him in another country.
Remember...exes are exes for a reason...think carefully about what you are doing.
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