A
female
age
36-40,
*rown chick
writes:Hi! i brokeup with my ex bf about 6months ago over the phone because i accused him of not being there for me when i lost a close relative.i felt bad for calling it off over the phone though.he called me for about 3 days but i didnt pickup his calls so he stopped calling.he called my friends telling them about how i accused him wrongly,that there was no point of him calling again since i made it clear i wasnt going to pick up his calls and i had told him not to call me again when i brokeup with him. i felt he didnt like me enough that was why he didnt pester me by calling for more than 3 days.so we didnt communicate for the past 6 months only for him to call me last week which was surposed to be our 2 year anniversary,telling mi that that day was very special to him and that i have been in his thoughts the past months,after we argued about who was at fault concerning the breakup, he ended up saying sorry for everything.but the thing is its been 4 days now and he hasnt called back again,i thought we should be on talking terms at least. my questions are 1 - did he call just to clear his conscience so that he can move on with his life?,or i should still give him time maybe he will call, or i should call and apologize for the way i broke up with him since it is apology time now.or what are his likely motives for calling me.his father is very ill at the moment(a part of me still likes him,and it hard on me now that he has not called).what do you think i should do?. please will appreciate it if you answer all my questions
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female
reader, Brown chick +, writes (13 November 2007):
Brown chick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot u guys u have really been helpfull at least i have an idea as to go about it.although more answers will be welcomed
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (12 November 2007):
 You cant hold it against him that he 'didnt pester you for longer'. You cant have your cake and eat it, by that I mean you cant tell him not to call, ignore him, then complain when he complies with your wishes and doesnt 'pester you enough'. Either you wanted him to call or you didnt, if you didnt then you could rightly be angry at him for going against your stated wishes but since that is not your complaint I think that reveals a contradictory state of mind.
I think that it maybe is 'your turn' to state how you are feeling and that if you leave it you will probably find he won't call back. It may well be that his current circumstances have made him realise that he did let you down and I certainly wont deny he may well have been at fault too but you need to clear your own mind and decide if you want to give him a second chance or not.
Before you make contact clear your own mind and decide what you want and what you want to say. Losing a relative is a very traumatic experience and all that is certain seems to become uncertain and in that sense I can understand that it made you question your relationship. However, I think the thrust of your feelings is still very much towards loving him from what you are writing here and I think you will regret not making contact if you dont, at least so you can move forward in your own life. Good luck :).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): the truth is we need closure in our relationships and he had no time to explain himself even if you didn't believe him. he needed time to feel he was listened to and you didn't let him. it doesn't mean it was wrong for you to dump him over the phone. it doesn't mean he needs a clear conscience, sometimes we just need to say stuff so we can go on with our lives. i dumped my ex 5 mos. ago and i saw him 3.5 mos. ago and talked and i still feel i have things to say. not to clear my conscience though but to make some things clear to him. there's a principle in psychology that states that when we fail in a relationship it will always bring our memories to our last relationship that we had before. maybe he was going out with somebody and they broke up recently; that's why he is calling now. On the other hand he might understand now the way you felt for the loss of your relative now that his father is ill and that's why he is calling. no. you should not apologize for what you did because you knew what you were doing at the time when you dumped him. you can't apologize for soemthign you had the right to do. and you didn't have to take his calls neither because you were no longer in a relationship. you can apologize if you hurt him in any way.you can call him now to say you are sorry for his father and set the example on what he should've done at the time of your loss. he has shown interest and sensibility already. let things flow naturally and go back with him if you want to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): Ah men. He may well have called genuinely cos he was thinking of you and missed you and the anniversary was just in his thoughts. Or he may be in need of a friend if his father's ill. How did you react to him when he called? Could he have sensed that you were still a bit bitter about the breakup? The call might have been a way of testing the water with you to see how you feel about him.The thing is, as women, sometimes we want people to know how we're feelgn without us spelling it out. You may have wanted him to fight a bit harder for you when you split but all he'd have been hearing by you not answering his calls was that you didn't want anything more to do with him. A man's got his pride and they don't like to beg. My advie to you is to call him and spell out that you were pleased to hear from him and to apologise if you really feel that and to see where to go from there. Good luck!
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