A
female
age
51-59,
*cmh
writes:What if 3 kids are involved? And the ex has cut them off financially and emotionally as well?That's what my ex did, bailed after over 2 decades, no warning, told me he loved me, left me to be a single parent with no financial income, sees our kids maybe every 4 to 8 wks. for an hr. or 2.How was I to know he secretly hated me? He was unfaithful, not me, he ran away and left me and the kids to deal with all the destruction alone. HE was the one who finally filed for divorce a yr. after leaving, had to take him to court because he doesn't feel he should pay alimony or child support, basically, he thought he would just run me out of finances by continued litigation. Luckily, for me, my parents stepped in and took up the attorney's fees, I am the defendant, he sued me for divorce because I am, "intolerably cruel", even though he admits the adultery and meets the legal definition of desertion in my state. To date, my folks have doled out $75,000.00, yes 75 thousand, to my divorce attorney, my soon to be ex makes a tremendous amount of money, so it was kinda like, who has to finally say "uncle", or go broke. Judge still hasn't handed down the final ruling, I haven't gotten one red cent from him in over 2 yrs., I've gone back to school, I have to find a job for the first time in my life, he insisted I be a homemaker/stay-at-home-mom, so here I am 42, no college degree, no experience, and financially dependent on my parents.Oh, yeah, he drained all bank acct.s, took out all the equity in our joint properties, w/o my signature, knowledge, or consent, and maxed out the mastercard to the tune of $25,000.00. All before I found out he was sleeping around, so he was planning for a while. He even had a condo set up to move to, playing husband and father to my face and scheming behind my back the whole time. But 22 yrs. is a long time to be married to someone only to find out you never knew them at all, maybe your entire marriage was always a lie? I shakes your self-worth and faith in your own judgement to the core.The kicker is, he says it was all my fault, I caused it, I was unbearable, drove him to all this. My response to him was, "so what horrible crime did the kids commit, you have cut them out of your life in every sense, just like me, so what did they do? How did they fail you? They just had it coming too?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, visione +, writes (29 January 2010):
 Wow I'm sorry this has happened to you. It's one of those things you grow up thinking "oh, that will never happen to me!" and you lead a decent life where everything is right... until this.
That is truly terrible, for you as well as your kids. You seem to handle this better than most people, who usually break down and don't know how to deal with anything anymore, as their world seems to have shattered. You've taken the steps to continue your education so you can find a job to support your children, that is admirable. Keep your dignity and stay strong - I know nothing will make up for the hurt and the shock of this event, but I'm cheering for you and your kids!
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