A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up around half a year ago, but recently we've been getting close again and are thinking of getting back together. We've matured a lot since we broke up and I'm very happy with the relationship now.However, during the period when we had broken up, I slept with one of his friends. I didn't do it out of spite - we became friends out of our own right and I believed that I wouldn't get back together with my ex. We ended things quite quickly though, as we didn't want to hurt my ex's feelings.I was waiting for the right time to tell my ex about this, as starting up our relationship again has been quite rocky and I didn't want to jeapordise what was happening. Unfortunately he found out from someone else and he has been incredibly upset these past few days and doesn't want to speak to me or his friend again. He said that he's more upset that I didn't tell him about it and he had to find out from someone else more than anything.I realise that it was a stupid move to make, but this happened around 4 months ago and so much has changed between us since then. What can I do about this situation? Do you think our relationship is messed up for good?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 February 2013):
 I can see why this is an issue for him...
he feels blindsided and his lack of trust (understandable to an extent) is now made even worse by his feelings of betrayal... not only didn't you tell him, but his friends betrayed him too.... (at least in his eyes)
I hope you two can mend this and work it through... just know he may never be able to let it go fully...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response! He said he's mostly upset that it was his friend and that I kept it from him. He slept with someone random when we had broken up and told me this recently and I was alright with it and he said he would've been the same if it was someone he doesn't know.
His last girlfriend ended up cheating on him with his best friend so this is especially sensitive to him. Also I think he feels humiliated because all of his friends knew but didn't tell him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 February 2013):
have you told him you wanted to tell him but didn't know how.
see you needed to tell him this before you got back together if you thought it would be a problem (and you did or you would have told him)
so the issue to me is...
would he be this upset if you had slept with someone he did not know...
is he mostly upset about not being told you had sex while broken up with him or is it that you had sex at all or is it because it was with a friend of his???
if starting back with the ex is rocky why are you getting back together... relationship require work but they are NOT THIS HARD....
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