A
female
age
36-40,
*ittle_laura0
writes:hi, i'm a 20 yr old female who has just come out of a relationship, which lasted about a year and a half. i had lived with my x partner for about a year and a few months ago fell pregnant, my partner wanted me to keep the baby but i didn't as i felt i wasn't ready and would not be a fit mother. i had the abortion and since then things between my partner and i turned bad. we would always argue and he would always refuse to talk about how he felt and the abortion. a few weeks ago, we came back from holiday and the day after he called me from work and told me to move out and have me and my things gone before he came home, which was absolutly devistating. we ended up breaking up and i haven't spoken to him for a few weeks. i am still madly in love with him and i'm not sure if deep down he is still in love with me. there has always been a gut feeling and signs that he now has interests in someone else. friends have said they have seen him flirt around and always having big nights out getting drunk. My question is, from what i have said, is there anyway i can make things right with my x and if so, how?
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 September 2007):
 It's definitely you having the abortion that's causing the problems here. It has hit him a lot harder than it has you and he'll have lots of different emotions going on inside him right now. Did you both talk it over thoroughly? Did you go into detail and explain to him exactly how you felt? Did you listen to him and hear his feelings? He's been going through a grieving process since this happened and he resents you for your decision.
In my honest opinion I don't think there's much chance of a reconcilliation between you both just now, not until he works through this. It might be a good idea that he talks to someone about this in order to lessen the grief he feels inside, however he might not want to do that, being a man and thinking he doesn't need a grief counselor.
The best thing for you to do right now is give him some space to get his head together. A few weeks down the line you might try writing him a letter telling him your reasons for doing what you did. Pour your heart out in that letter... and let him know your feelings "now".
What you did wasn't wrong, it was YOUR decision and that is your prerogative so don't feel guilty about it. You did what you thought was right and that's commendable.
Eve
A
female
reader, little_laura0 +, writes (6 September 2007):
little_laura0 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer, you seem to have more insight into it than i do. Unfortunatly i'm finding the whole situation hard to understand and i do know that my x partner has alot of built up anger and sadness inside so i don't know how to approach the situation. i have asked to talk about things and to go see a counsellor together but he says he isn't ready for that. Now he's saying he doesn't love me and has no feelings for me anymore. i can't help but think he is saying those things to try and hurt me in order to get his own back in a sick kind of way
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): You have to keep in mind that you hurt him when you had the abortion. Guys usually keep their feelings to themselves and try to forget about them by keeping their minds occupied. I think the pain and distrust he feels towards you was so great he had to leave you. It was justa matter of time. You broke something that belonged to both of you. I don't know if he will trust you again. I beleive anyone who's involved into an abortion should get into therapy for it is a difficult decision. Maybe for you it wasn't you don't seem very concerned about it. But it was for him evidetly and he might tell you sometime and make you feel guilty enetualy. I would talk to him and try to convince him to go to therapy together to see if you can work this issue. This is something very delicate and he might feel that you don't care about it the way he does, hence he is neglecting you. That's the only possibility I see. Hope you read this. Good Luck and no need to feel guilty but next time consider adoption please.
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