A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well doesn't seem like things are looking too good =( I finally had my first conversation with my ex after a month and a half since we broke up and over 3 weeks of no contact.As I've mentioned before she told me in her emails few days ago that she's been missing me incredibly and doesn't know if talking will make things more or less painful and if I've been thinking about her as much as she's been thinking about me.I kept putting her off and telling her I'll have to think about it and we talked on my terms however when we finally did talk it just turned out to be a disaster, at least in my eyes and I'm actually really depressed right now.She didn't say anything regarding the breakup during the conversation, in fact we entered the conversation very cool, calm, and collected just like as I have read in some books. However I was also nervous and I think she was too. Is this typical of the first conversation with an ex after some time apart? Is it normal for it to appear different and unfamiliar? Only because she's someone I know I have feelings for and it's been a long time so of coarse it wouldn't feel the same. However she seemed different too but of coarse probably the same as me.The only thing she brought up regarding the breakup was that she thought she'd be the one blocking me off easier and not the other way around. The conversation lasted an hour which was half hour more than what I had wanted but it just felt like the conversation was somewhat dull just asking how we were doing that I wanted to make her laugh a few times which I did manage to do but overall it wasn't as good as I had expected. Is it perhaps I had high hopes?In the end I told her perhaps we can talk again some time and all she responded with was maybe occassionally? Maybe occassionally??!! Why only occassionally? Does she really just want to use me to help get over me easier? Seems that way. I feel that I should have listened before and just not have talked to her regardless. I just wanted to see how things will turn out.Is this typical of every first conversation after a break up or are there other problems I'm facing?She really didn't seem herself, but then again neither did I but I believe it was just the nervousness. I love this girl to death but it was so painful after talking to her getting the feeling that she has no intentions or getting back. Perhaps in time I could be more of the guy she knew but maybe I am and she just needs to talk to me more. I don't know... I just feel like I've ruined it all. Please anyone with experience on talking to your ex the first time, let me know from your experiences so that I know it's only typical of her behaving this way.Please give some advice on how to handle this, what to do and hopefully not all is lost.I'm just sad right now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010): she still loves u... she sent u an email telling u how she misses u. when u spoke to her on the phone, she was putting on a defence. she was acting as if she had gotten over u which is far from the truth. if she really had lost interest she would have cut the conversation shot and simply told u to move on with ur life. when she told u she occasionally wanted to talk, it was just her way in showing that she was over u, but in reality if she was over u, then she would have said something more direct like "maybe its better not to" or "we will see".
i think u should just be upfront and tell her that u want to get back together. tell her how u feel, tell her what u thought went wrong and how u can change that.
im sure shell reply, its obvious she still has feelings, and if she doesnt it gives u a sense of closure. an excuse to move on from there, because right now u are in this sense of limbo not knowing exactly whats going to happen but wanting desperately to reconcile with ur ex.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 April 2010):
 If she wants to talk to you,that is a very good sign that she wants reconciliation.
Both of you have been hurt and definitely , you may be carrying some resentments inside your system.
You need to draw out those poisons in your system before the system can get well again.
The talking could be hard and may not make any headway on the first meeting. Subsequent meetings will be smoother.
You should not feel depressed but to try to understand her motives. Do not expect too high an expectations from her.
Come with an open mind and open heart. Really listen to what she says and mean.
Sometimes what you see or hear is not what you get. You need to ask her if you are uncertain of her meaning.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 April 2010):
 I am not quite sure that I have understood what exactly is your problem - anyway I feel there's too much strategy and tactics and complications here.
Simplicity is the key to solving problems.
Did she break off with you, and you want to get her back ? Tell her. Tell her : I miss you , I still love you, give me a second chance.
Of course she may say no. At least you know where you stand and you will stop obsessing about who calls first and when and with which voice tone etc.
Also I don't quite get why are you surprised that she wants to talk with you again maybe occasionally. What's so strange about it ? She is your ex- when should she talk to you other than occasionally, out of normal friendliness and politeness ,and to make sure there are no hard feelings between you ? If she were looking forward to talk to you every day- then she would still be with you.
I apologize in advance if I did not get a clear picture of the situation, maybe there's more to the story and it escaped me. Anyway my general advice would still be : no mind games, no power plays. Talk from your heart and do what you feel doing without tryng to guess how the other person would react. And be cool if she does not feel the same you do - you can't "trick" people into loving you,it never works. Good luck.
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