A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I broke up a year ago, but we have remained friends. He keeps telling me that he loves me but that he can't be in a relationship for various reasons. We are not sleeping together, nor have we since we broke up. I'm smart enough not to do the friends with benefits thing. The problem is that every time I invite him to do things with me at my place (I live at home), he always says no, especially if my family is involved. He cheated when we were together and so now he says he is embarrassed to be around my family. However, even when we together, it was always a fight to get him over b/c he said it was too hard on him, that he loved being around my family so much that he felt very much alone going home. It's the same thing when we do things with my friends. When I do manage to get him go out with us he says that he feels so guilty being around ppl he knows will hate him for what he did. Yet, he is the one who calls and texts most of the time. I have kind of been taking a step back b/c I know that I have feelings for him but don't want to get back together until he resolves some issues. He calls me 2-3 times a day, texts throughout the day....I guess I have a hard time understanding why he still wants to be friends if he doesn't want to be involved with my family or friends. I love doing stuff with him, but sitting watching movies in his apartment is getting old. When he turned down a dinner invitation to come to dinner tonight, I texted him saying that I was letting it go this time b/c he has had a very busy weekend running experiments in the lab. H/e we both know that he has always had an issue with coming to my house and I have never been able to understand why. I also said that it's not always fun on my end....that was 6 hrs ago and I have heard nothing. It frustrates me b/c he says he feels alone here (he's new to town), and feels he has no friends or family. Yet, every time I reach out to him he basically pushes me away. Does anyone have any suggestions, insight? Thanks!!
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male
reader, Tryin2findabalance  +, writes (30 November 2009):
Putting my self in his situation I can tell you this. He still has feelings for you and it is hard for him to be around you with out being able to kiss or hug you or tell you that he loves you. Are you seeing any one? If so he might fell used and hurt. Try to come to a compromise it sounds like you to really love each other if you can remain close friends. Me and my Ex are actually going through the same kind of thing trying to find that balance between lovers and friends it is not an easy thing to do good luck though and if you have any advice on my own situation i would welcome your response
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