A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi There!I have a dilema, my ex and I broke up 15months ago as he had a gambling habit and we were losing intimacy. We never sought counselling.We have however remained good friends and speak at least every few weeks, just general chit chat and gossip, we never discuss our love lives. The contact is both ways he rings me I ring him, he checks on my house that i rent out and keeps me informed of news on his family.I think he is a beautiful person and miss a lot of aspects of the relationship and him and don't every want to lose him out of my life completely. He is still good friends with my best friend ( male) and they do stuff together, there is no anomosity or bitterness and our friends and families still like both of us. Recently I was at my best friends house and my ex lives around the corner, I asked him to come over for a coffee and join us - he was there in 5 min, we soon got talking and he told me he has been seeing someone and was not sure how it was all going as she kept saying to him he was too young for her and she did not want to have anymore kids...and was asking my advice..he said he was quite keen and also asked if I was seeing anyone and how many dates had I been on. He gave me a lot of information about this girl, her name where she lived and worked, it was really weird and strange and pushed a lot of buttons for me.Later in the evening she sent him and sms and he told me that when I rang him he was on his way to her place so he rang her and said he was just popping in to see his ex girlfriend, he told me he had shown photos of me to her as well.He did not leave for another hour after she text. the next day I sent him a text saying it was weird hearing him talk about someone else, he wrote back saying it was weird for him to but he wanted to be honest and get it out open. My question is - do you think he still has feelings and would consider getting back if I raised it? or am I reading to much into it?My fear also is if I raise it - and the answer is no, it might make things weird for us and I like where we are at in the friendship stakes, that said things might change their anyway with the arrival of a new partner for him.I think I would like to talk to him about it and if he is keen to discuss getting back together we have never discussed our breakup and why we broke up and I wonder now if time heals all wounds, he may have had time to consider implementing some changes and likewise...I would be keen to explore how we did it properly to ensure some level of success 2nd time round...am I ahead of myself here? and reading to much into it all?
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best friend, broke up, ex girlfriend, gambling, his ex, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ms.Sweet dreams  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 im glad that u find ur answer and i hope that both of u will be happy together....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your response! I figured I had nothing to lose so I sent him a text "do you ever think about getting back together" he responded " I have been single for 16 months and seeing someone for 3 weeks, I dont think now is the right time to ask me that question.
So I guess I got my answer.
Cheers!
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (26 September 2007):
 If he wanted to get back with you, then he would've already approached the subject with you and he has not. You may treasure this friendship, but he has met someone else and is moving on and you clearly have not. At some point, if this new woman becomes a serious aspect in his life, you are going to be brushed off and that will hurt worse, as my own b/f's ex-girlfriend is discovering. They broke up 5 yrs. ago but remained "friends". I think over the years, she had hope they'd eventually reconcile and part of that hope was his fault for keeping in contact with her from time to time, much like your ex is doing with you. Once he met someone who he planned to build a life with, he has stopped contacting her, and has started avoiding her, meaning when she i.m's him, he hits the "ignore" button, when she calls or texts him, he doesn't respond and he finds her persistence to be quite annoying. He probably should've told her years ago that he was remaining in the friendship mostly for her, not for himself, but he hated to be cruel. She is now extremely depressed because she's finally realized he's not coming back and never planned to. Friendships with ex-es can be dangerous like this because they inevitably give one of you a false sense of hope that the other person still loves you. You will save yourself alot of grief if you start extracting yourself from this friendship now, and begin to date other men. Once you get your own life back on track and have someone to come home to at night, this friendship will be less important to you and you'll be less likely to be devastated when your ex re-marries. Good luck.
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