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female
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anonymous
writes:Is my son gay or just "going through a phase"? He is nearly 17 and he says he wants a relationship with a guy but says this doesn't mean he won't ever want a relationship with a girl. He has had a girlfriend, it lasted 6 months when he was 15, it didn't seem very intense and they are now good friends. He has loads of female friends (he also has male friends). I'd welcome any insights from anyone with similar experience. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): Hi Hunny,
After your followup, I want to say that yes ive have been in one position in my life with my son when we were in a club and as a mother even though your son is 24 you still get a bit worried about other peoples veiws and he had been gone to the loo, I should just be ok with this but he was to long for a bloke and I did want to go in there but didnt.
He had been threatened by 5 men, I was the livid one so I did face them and stand up for what I believe in they got thrown out, and since the main leader has said how sorry he was yes I no not everybody is or will be the same you just go with the flow ive got many gay friends I very rarely hear of any trouble really..
The church I believe shouldnt judge either as I believe god does not...
You are a great mum and you will always know your son gets his open honest way from you, Thats a great pat on the back love, I always wanted to bring my children up free spirited im not the usual kinda mum as they tell me but you no you've done something good if your kids can come to you for anything and want you to go for a pint and pay for it aswell that will do me.. As long as they are happy dont try and get your head round things love you will just worry 24/7 I no were your are coming from I did for awhile but realised that it all a life experience and im still happy I brought them up to express themselves, Plus people think im mad but I never watch the news its all to negative for me thats just me though.. TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you mandy7, IvyWitch and starfairy. your insights and just knowing that you care enough about a stranger to reply are so welcome. IvyWitch, i just want to say to you that all my life i have absolutely shared the point of view you express, but here's a strange thing: when you're thinking about your own kids and their future happiness many of your previous certainties about life suddenly seem less secure, and that's because although beliefs and principles form a framework for life, life in practice is unpredictable, messy round the edges, and ... well, human. Yes, my son should be free to love whomever he pleases, and i'm proud that, in this country at least, we have made a world where same-sex relationships no longer have to be hidden but can be celebrated. But i also know that homophobia is far from defeated; i posted my question yesterday, a day on which the news had announced that the episcopalian church in America had decided to stop letting gay people be bishops and to stop celebrating civil partnerships (i'm not a churchgoer but it's just an example). so what i'm trying to do is the thing that every parent wants and none of us can achieve: see the future for my boy and know that he will be happy and safe. it's a cruel old world out there and he's the kindest, gentlest, most thoughtful boy you could hope to meet, and although he has grown up surrounded by liberal values he may in future have to deal with people hating him just because of whom he loves. that's a big thing for a mum to get her head round.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Hi Love,
I kinda new before I was told anything It was like silent understanding if you no what I mean, I just said one day to be on the safe side "You do no I no dont you" He said yea, And that was that The good thing about this is you have a relationship with your son that he can talk to you love.
Thats whats really important I want my children to be comfortable to say anything to me without feeling Oh she isnt going to like this! And so far so good, If your son is gay and it does sound as if he may be, dont worry hun just be there for him like you are now, so he can come and talk whenever he needs to. TAKE CARE OF YOU LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, IvyWitch9117  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 I'm an 18 year old chick and i've had feelings for both guys and girls before and it sounds like the same type of deal i beleive your son isn't going through a phase though he might be but he just wants to experiment and find someone he loves who loves him back and he doesn't care what gender they are... he just wants to be in love.... i beleive he should be able to choose who he wants to be with and whether it's a guy or a girl shouldn't matter it's like black and white it shouldn't matter.... the only thing that should matter is how they feel about one another and like i said i can't tell you if your son is going through a phase or not but really it shouldn't matter your son should be able to have feelings for whomever he wants.
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reader, starfairy +, writes (26 September 2007):
 It sounds like he is curious, or bi sexual. It's an age where alot of people experiement. I am 24 now, but wbetween the ages of 15-20 I fancied women as well. I never had a relationshop with a woman but I was curious. I am totally straight now and only go for men. It's just part of growing up, and it's totally normal.
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