A
female
age
36-40,
*panglegirl
writes:Hi everyone, i feel as if i'm at my wits end with this situation-- and now i don't know what to think please help and answer my question. A couple of weeks back i posted a question on here about a situation with me and my ex. A quick recap for you all, we all went out in a big group and some of my ex's(split up yr and half ago-his choice, although it wasn't over anything major) workmates who i had never met before were with us. The one he is closest to seemed to know who i was and asked me if i still had feelings for my ex, i told him yes(i was a bit tipsy, not normally this honest with people i just met). I asked him how he knew who i was and he said that my ex had told him about me months ago and had mentioned i was going out with them that night. He then later went on to tell me that my ex can't bear to see me with anyone else and that i need to talk to him about it but i would have to be the one to initiate the conversation, as apparently my ex got jealous when another one of his work mates was joking around with me, ive noticed before he gets a bit funny when i just have a laugh with other guys.I, and a gd few of our friends still think there is still feelings between us because of the things he does( i'd be here forever if i listed everything, this has been happening for a good while now. On that night we went out a few of us got seperated as we missed our bus and he phoned 3 times to see where we were and kept asking if i was ok( i was perfectly safe i was with 5 other people!). When i walked through the door he gave me a huge hug like he hadn't seen me for months. He spent the whole night around me and kept hugging me and was stood there holding my hand. The next day he text me and said hope you had good night and thanks for coming. But now something seems wrong, a couple of days after the txt i emailed him just a general one about what a good night it was and asked what time he got home--he didn't reply and i didn't think that much of it at first but a couple of days ago i broke my phone and lost my numbers and messaged everyone on facebook asking them to give me their numbers, and although he has been online as there's new activity on his facebook page he again has ignored it. A few of us went out at the weekend just for drinks and he said he was busy. I know that he probably could have been but with these 3 incidents together i can't help feeling he might be trying to avoid me. My ex is a shy and rather private person and i can;t help wondering if his workmate has gone back and told him about the converstion we had and which HE brought up and is upset with me for some reason, . I still have feelings for him and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell him and ask him how he really feels, but now i'm scared its all been ruined. I really really don't know what to do next, should i leave it a few more days or should i message him and ask him if in some way i have upset him. And now i'm worried and wondering if my intuition and that of other friends about him liking me might have been wrong. Do you think he still has feelings for me from the behaviour i've mentioned?? i'm sorry this is so long, but i don't know what to do or think now--any advice would be very much appreciated, thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): I agree with Smiles. Emails are private and he can take the time to read it without peer pressure or anything else.
It is a awkward situation and no I don't think you have it wrong. I think there is something there but you can't assume because he's a mysterious character. It could, in all possibilty, be anything.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Have you considered sending him an email; asking him to maybe meet you some place quiet where you can have coffee and a good chat;
I personally will not give to much info in the email; but I would suggest, mention that there is a few things that is troubling you and that you would like to clear it with him.
Give it a few days and see if he reacts to the email.
It is a very difficult situation; can be very confusing and does make you feel as if all emotions are in turmoil; but hang in there; I am sure with a little patience, this matter will be resolved soon;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
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A
female
reader, spanglegirl +, writes (13 July 2008):
spanglegirl is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for taking the time to read my problem, it is a rather awkward situation. What i can't get my head round is the fact that he has been giving out fairly strong signals for a good while, which are obvious to others aswell as me. And although i'm not sure he knows, i have a feeling that the conversation i had with his friend has got back to him. But what i am struggling to understand is if he does have these feelngs for me and he may now know that they are mutual then why is he avoiding me?? Keeping in mind he is a shy person that has always struggled with talking about "feelings" could it be he now feels awkward and maybe a bit freaked out that i know what his friend told me and don't know what to do next or that maybe i have read the whole situation wrong and was just being friendly?. All of this keeps going through my mind, just don't know what to think, i would be very surprised if i had read the situation wrong and he was just being friendly, he is so different with me with the way he acts and looks at me, and has always confided in me with family stuff that noone else knows about......surely i and others couldn't have got it so wrong could we? sorry bout all the questions!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Sorry its taken so long for someone to answer your question, but its probably because we, like you, just don't know what to say.
I think you should do both. Wait a while and then ask if you've upset him. You like him obviously and although the story is a little confusing, the end result is he obviously likes you to.
Or I think so anyway...but then I don't think you should assume from what you see or from what I say, but what a bit, give him time to think then call him and ask him. If all else fails ask his friend. Just show that your concerned and that.
If he doesn't like you then you'll have to go into getting over him mode. Which is hard and a totally different story altogether. If you can't get hold of him, try other ways through his friends and that. E-mail him.
Just be patient at first then go in with maximum effort to get hold of him. I don't think it'll be as hard as I made out, but keep us posted.
Again sorry it took so long,
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