A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last month my dad past away with MS and my emotions are all over the place, if someone starts to get me in a mood I just lose it and my boyfriend said he is there for me but he's not, he thinks evry thing is okay when it's not. I tell him I'm not okay and he's like it will pass, you'll see but it hasn't and it hurts so much. I'm seeing counselors but everything I still can handle and I really don't know what to do. Can you please help me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lauren24  +, writes (18 December 2008):
guys have a tendency to be a little insensitive at times, and unless someone has experienced a similar situation it's hard to relate. do you feel like your bf is being insensitive or is it possible he is just trying to help you to think positively and handle the situation a little better?
i dealt with a similar situation and i understand how you are feeling, everyone told me that time would heal my wounds, and at the time i didn't believe them, but the truth is time helps so much. it won't erase all of your sadness, but it will definitely get better over the months. just keep looking toward the future and try to stay positive no matter what. a positive outlook will really help you get through this. i know it's a lot easier said than done, but try if you can.
also, it really helped me to stay busy. i know it's probably the last thing you want to do right now, but if you have hobbies try to continue them. hang out with friends, go to the movies or go shopping, rent a new tv show on dvd and watch the whole season if you have to, exercise, read, teach yourself something new that you haven't tried before (like sewing, jewelry making, painting, graphic design, learn a new language, re-decorate your room) anything you possibly can to keep yourself pre-occupied. it will also be therapeutic for you because you'll be doing something positive in the meantime.
i would also recommend seeing a psychologist and talking about your feelings. it will help to have someone else listen and give you their insight. they can help you to find some good books on this sort of thing, there's a lot of great ones out there.
if you ever need someone to talk to, i would love to help. you can email me at [email address blocked] (there's two N's in lauren) we can exchange screen names or just email and i'll be happy to listen to you vent if you are feeling down. please don't hesitate to write :)
-lauren
A
female
reader, sianybarney  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 It will take time for your emotions to settle again after loosing a loved one. I know it hurts and it feels like no one understands, but your boyfriend is right and it will eventually get better. Dont try and rush your mourning though, take your time to mourn. It takes different people different lengths of time to mourn.
If your boyfriend says he is there for you, then trust he is. He just may not know how to handle someone who is mourning, which could be due to lack of experience. Just be patient with him and understand that he is trying his best. He obviously cares and understands if he lets you shout at him and get away with it.
Another thing you should know is that counselling isnt for everyone. Im not saying give counselling up, as it is usually effective, but you have to be patient with it. Nothing can help you with your mourning or hurry it up, you just have to let it run its course and it will take time.
I suggest you carry on with counselling and eventually the more you talk about it the easier it will be. Just be patient with everything. It will get better i promise.
Good luck x
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A
male
reader, Crafter  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 I'm sorry that happened to you. I know how it feels to lose a close relative. Not a parent, but still...
I think you should give yourself much more time before thinking of going back on track. Death often catches us unprepared. It leaves us dumbfounded and confused. And yeah, it will get better, but it's not going to be today or tomorrow. It just takes time.
Maybe you should try to understand that your boyfriend is (probably) trying his best to support you and I can tell from experience that it's never easy. There is never a right thing to say or do. And nothing that you say and do will make it right. All he can do is be there for you, all you can do is let him.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (17 December 2008):
 My first suggestion would to go to your GP and tell him you're having a hard time and would like counselling. It's a great thing to have people close to you be there for you, but it's a different kettle of fish talking to someone impartial, who doesn't know you or your family. They can help you make sense of what's going on inside your head and come to terms with your loss, eventually xx
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