A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Any advice on this matter please, I’m a total loss and feel lost. My daughter moved in with a guy last year. Their relationship is toxic, he has all traits of a narcissist. He blames her for everything, he needs constant attention on him, he manipulates and gaslights her and he’s ruined any family time we have with them. She calls me daily in tears telling me what is going on (it’s heartbreaking to hear) he tells her that I interfere and why do I message her everyday. She keeps saying she wants to leave him and that she doesn’t care about him but stays with him. She has rang me several times in tears showing me the manipulative messages he’s sending her. I snapped and sent him an email asking why he likes to see her in tears and upset and the impact it’s having on our lives on a daily basis. I told her I’d sent it and now she’s stopped speaking to me saying I’ve made things worse for her. We live a long way from her so I can’t just go and see her. I know I shouldn’t have sent it but I was at my wits end and at work.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2023): Your daughter is the one to blame. She should leave. She is lucky she can come to you and would not be homeless then.
You are enabling her to carry on being with him by letting her cry on your shoulder all the time. Stop enabling her to be addicted to him and the drama and it will stop. Simple. Yes you did interfere.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2023): All you can do is keep the door open for your daughter. Keep reminding her you love her and that your door is always open for her if she wants to come home. Try not to tell her to leave the guy, and try not to have any direct communications with him. If you tell your daughter to leave him, you risk pushing her towards him more. No matter how much of a dick he is, try not to criticise him. Just keep reminding her of her worth and that she had options and that she can always come home / you can go there to support her if she needs it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2023): You haven't raised your daughter to be an independent adult, hence her problems in relationships.
She's staying in an unhealthy relationship and complains to you, wanting you to do something - show how much you care for her and show her bf that she has "a protector". Creating drama, drama, drama.
As a parent and a child, you have a codependent relationship.
It's not healthy.
Until she grows up, learns to take responsibility for her actions and choices, she will suffer. But in doing so, her relationship with you will change. She will stop needing you. Are you ready for that?
You communicating with her bf is so not healthy. She's not a 3 year old kid having issues with her playmates.
Her life is HER responsibility.
And so is her choice of partners.
Google borderline and their parents (especially mothers) maybe you will find some useful insights.
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