A
female
age
41-50,
*andy31
writes:hello all, i hava a problem with my 13 yr old daughter, most young girls have an obsession with a singer at some point i know but my daughters is michael jackson it has been going on since she was about 7 and its worrying me as it seems to be getting worse she constantly talks about him and his whole family and somehow manages to link him to all her everyday activities even her homework her bedroom is like a shrine displaying only michael jackson stuff and thats it. she wants to be famous and sing and i try and support her but she wants to be the best and i hate seeing her heartbroken when she cant be at the moment or maybe never. i cant tell her this. i thought she would outgrow it but its getting worse and she is bullied at school because of it. i have spent years telling her to try and stand up for herself and its her choice what music she likes. but i cant anymore as i can almost understand why the kids are that way as it really is constant pls pls help xx
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female
reader, Piscesgurl  +, writes (15 April 2011):
What exactly do you need help with, there is nothing wrong with your daughter loving Michael Jackson, shes's not alone there are millions of people if not more that feels the same way about him. What you need to do is support her. It sounds to me like you believe the tabloid crap that is said about Jackson so as a result you think it will have a negative influence on you daughter... Not really. If your daughter is like most Michael Jackson fan I know she already know everything there is to know about him and she understand his flaws. Most people who are inspire to be like my does so from a positive prospective. You should read up about this man that your child wants to be like and than you will see that it will only make a better person. There is more to him than meets the eye. Feed her obsessions, put her in dance and singing classes. She's not the first of her kind and she wouldn't be the last. Many artist today started of as little michael Jackson fanatics, and they will proudly admit it. Beyonce was obsessed with michael growing up, there alot of home videos of her dancing like him, her parent embrace her obsession by getting her involved in dance and music.... And the rest is history. Chris brown, usher....and may other artists around the world are involved in entertainment today because of the love and admiration they had for Michael. If you are lucky she could follow in his footstep as a humanitarian.Did you know that Michael Jackson as a child was obsessed with James brown, he wanted to be just like James brown, his mother would wake him up even in the middle of the night to see James brown perform on tv. Until she discovered his passion and refer him to his father... And the rest is history. Michael would have never been the star he is if his mother had the same attitude that you haveBelieve in your daughter, believe in her passion.
A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (25 December 2010):
She didnt ask for a glowing endorsement of Michael Jackson, she asked because shes concerned about her daughter being bullied...calm down with defending MJ will ya?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): I ABSOLUTLEY adore Michael Jackson and have since I was 4,Im now 16 and still feel the same way,why is it that you do not approve of her "obsession"?!.I have posters all over my walls of him! He makes me happy and he makes your daughter happy so whats the problem?! shes 13! shes young and she looks up to this man! and why not!? just because the media said he was a pedophile does not make him one!. People chose to forget about the millions of dollars he donated to childrens charities and his(like it or not) contribution to music.Id say just leave her,bullies come and go and for some reason always target MJ fans because they like a "child molester"! Im sure you were in the exact same position when you were 13 and "inlove" with some actor,musician or whatever so let her just live her childhood.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): Awww, Cerberus, sweet! Me too. Sorry, serious Kurt fan, had to agree. In fact I bought my boyfriend a genuine Kurt Cobain signed CD cover for his birthday (he's a huge fan too, has the same guitar pedals/ look/ guitar). In fact, me and Kurt have the same birthday (give or take a few years :)) and my boyfriend's birthday is the day after he was discovered dead :( Pretty much all my iPod is compiled with is Nirvana.
To the poster; See? I'm 18 and still obsessed. My girlfriends (who are NOT grunge/ rock fans like me, more indie/ pop fans) find it funny but love me so except me for what I like, even if they don't understand it themselves. One day, she might not be into it as much, or she may still stay devoted. Help her out, buy her Michael Jackson stuff, feed her dream. She'll always thank you for the support when she grows up. Don't doubt her for a second. This interest makes her HAPPY. When she gets a bit older, she'll understand that her chances are slim, and then she'll need you for guidance into an achievable career, and other hobbies. But she'll be able to look back onto a childhood filled with happiness and a distinct pathway. Passion is nothing but a good thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): You know who my idol was when I was her age, Kurt Cobain and similarly I devoted my life to him. My room was a shrine to him too. I didn't grow out of that until I was 18 and I had long hair from the age of 13 to 30, I learned the guitar, I played in bands. I got bullied a lot too but that only made me more proud of being who I was because I had that dream and no one could take it away. As I grew older my dreams changed and the fact my mother was 100% supportive, never doubted for a second I could do same, never thought for one second people were right about me, that the nay-sayers had a point or any of that stuff. She helped me nurture my dream, she helped me gravitate to friends who were the same, she brought me to martial arts classes, payed for guitar lessons, bought me guitars, equipment, CD's, microphones.
She made me feel proud to be different, proud to have a good set of beliefs and self belief.
Try to stop viewing this as a problem, it really isn't. The amount of love and emotion her devotion to him gives her is something you just can't buy, the deep passion and overwhelming emotion she gets from all things Michael Jackson is something she might never experience again her life. Don't let anything take that away from her, let her grow out of it herself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): It's just a case of idol worship. Look this is her passion, do you know how many kids never find focus, your kid has at a very early age. It's a beautiful thing to have a dream, just make sure she always views disappointment as a challenge to try harder and do better, never as a defeat.
Never let her for one second think she can't because she can. In my opinion I think you need to change your attitude slightly and have more belief in her. Truly believe that she can do it, if she can't then she'll find out eventually but she'll always have a mom that gave 100% to her in this way and didn't for one second think she couldn't or that those bullies were right.
She's 13 this could well be a phase but it's not one she's going to grow out of soon and the only way she will is when she's given it her all. So support her and help her, nurture this dream of hers and eventually it will burn itself out. 6 years she's wanted this, there's nothing to say she won't achieve something from it. She could become a very good dancer, who knows what kind of voice she could have after some training. Do what you can to give her as much practical support as possible.
Look if she's being bullied because of this it's even more important she has you to completely and unconditionally support her and believe in her. Get rid of all those doubts, she might never reach his standards but his influence and her unwavering passion, focus on this specific goal can be really good for her if properly managed.
Instead of trying to get rid of it, you need to up your support, find dance classes (find more if she already does), singing lessons. Give her attainable goals, dance competitions etc find ways to give her little attainable goals that pertain to this dream, make her see that this doesn't just have to be just a dream, give her something to grasp, little successes to help her along. Find ways that this can be practical for her, there must be lots of dance groups, drama groups and other such things she can go to. If she's being bullied then she needs to be allowed to find like minded kids that have the same dream to associate with and relate to.
Oh and martial arts classes are excellent for dancing. They teach balance, timing, cadence, flexibility, hand eye coordination, improve overall coordination, physical condition, muscle strength, endurance, stamina, movement power/fluidity, they raise confidence, awareness, discipline and also she'll learn to look after herself. Seriously try and get her to take martial arts classes, ju jitsu, kick boxing or other such class would be brilliant for her. I did them all throughout my youth, and my sister did too. We were both very timid people when younger, martial arts gave us untold self belief and confidence. I'd do what I can to get her into that, it really does improve all aspects of your life. Plus it it's a great outlet for frustration and she'll meet more people her age too.
I really can't express how beneficial martial arts are for dancers, gymnastics too, there are lots of things that you could show her that would actually help her along towards attaining her dreams, that don't involve dancing and singing. There are lots of other performing arts she can try out.
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A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (24 December 2010):
Why are you asking this on this website? This is a phase and she will change, bullying is disgusting and wrong whatever the reason, so just try and address that first and leave her to her MJ obsession for now...why him though? Were you a fan?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): Why not send her off to singing and and dancing lessons? this will help her confidence grow, take her out of herself, and help her express herself, plus she will then be starting to fufil an ambition of hers which can only be a good thing. xx Also , tell her all the problems that MJ had, the downside of fame, the isolation etc.. this may help her develop a more realistic perception of him, and slowy wean her off until she develops other interests. xx I hope things work out. Also , why not try taking her to swimming or guides where she can meet other nice new girls and make new freinds. I'm sure things will work out for her. ;o) xxx
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