A
female
age
41-50,
*ANADACROX4849
writes:My daughter is 16 and in high school; he's told me how he's been unhappy the past few weeks.She said she was unhappy because a girl in the year below told her: "You will get me that $750 drum I saw on eBay, you can afford it, you're the rich girl. My mom and dad demand I get that drum from you or else... it ain't gonna be pleasant if you don't get it to our house within the next three weeks".She's told her no but the girl keeps demanding it, even sent messages via school email demanding the drum set!$750! for a drumset! WTH??? I probably wouldn't pay that.She knows the girl, but doesn't really know her as a person. Only by name. The girl's not a friend, but not an enemy either.Yes, we're wealthy. Not mega, mega-rich.We don't live in a huge house, but we don't live in a poor area either.As it is, my daughter's already facing some bullying for dating a girl who's popular with boys. But this girl's into girls like my daughter; feminine girls who like fashion / movies etc. The girl's a cheerleader as well, which, well, it's obvious that's popular with guys. But my daughter's girlfriend's facing unpopularity on the cheerleading squad for being lesbian despite being head of the team.The school's in a conservative town, but where we live isn't that conservative, it's no LGBT paradise, sure, but it's not a big city, either. That's why my daughter and her girlfriend are facing bullying. But neither live in the town concerned, only go to high school there.My husband is concerned, wants to discuss this head-on with the principal; head-on negotiation is his style since he works in sales/negotiation-type stuff.I don't know what to do for the best.My daughter's tried doing the sensible thing and refused to give into their requests, for the drum, or the homophobia from classmates.I thought we lived in a progressive country where homophobia wasn't as bad as in the US, but I'm probably wrong.With regard to our wealth, well, my daughter's not had people leeching onto her for money before or dating her for her money. It's not like we're a mega-rich family such as the Trump family. We're not even what you call "old money"!My daughter is upset and embarrassed, and I don't know how to help her.I would really appreciate any advice.
View related questions:
bullied, lesbian, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2022): Just for the record- a decent brand 's beginner drum set would cost just about 750 $,maybe a tad more, and for a professional one you can easily reach a few thousands. So ,no - the price for this drum set is nothing exceptional.
BUT : your daughter is supposedly being bullied and blackmailed......and you worry that you have been quoted the wrong price ???yeah sure....that makes a lot of sense,LOL.
A
female
reader, EmmyApple  +, writes (22 May 2022):
I feel you. It makes me so angry that people would judge your daughter because of who she loves, or threaten your family just because you have enough money to live comfortably. My husband and I are in a similar situation but it’s even worse over here in the U.S. We are not “rich” but we are comfortable with a nice house, swimming pool and hot tub, a beach house we visit in the summer with a boat at the yacht club (not like a big yacht, just modest) and four cars because my husband likes to collect. We are not made of money but have enough for designer clothes and regular shopping to keep my wardrobe fresh. We are very progressive and we care a lot about helping LGBT, trans, Black, women, etc., listening to science, and fighting climate change. We are in a more conservative area but we never felt hated here until 2016 when a certain man ran for President. Ever since then it’s gotten worse and worse. Personally I don’t go out as much anymore because I feel less and less safe. So many passive aggressive comments calling us “fat a** liberal elites” and “wow it must be nice” just because we are comfortable with money. Progressive bumper stickers were stolen from my car and a Black Lives Matter lawn sign was stolen from our lawn. We have gotten more security but I still feel uncomfortable going out because nobody wears a mask anymore even though COVID cases are rising in our area! I always wear mine because it’s the right thing to do!! But I’ve gotten insulting comments and harassment for it. I am careful about where I go now. Grocery stores like Whole Foods that have more progressive values are much more accepting and tolerant. I would never go to a Walmart because the harassment from those kinds of people disgusts me. The hate in this country has gotten so bad since 2016 and now we are about to lose a woman’s right to control her own body - it makes me so, so angry.
When you stand for good values you are going to get hate for it but you need to remind yourself that you are the good people. The hate is not on your side. The hate is on the other side. School boards have become like war zones and the hate on the other side is very forceful and aggressive. Here in the U.S. they are even trying to ban books that are pro-LGBT so our kids can’t read them. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be raising an LGBT daughter in this current climate. Your husband is right: you need to push back! The other side is very aggressive so you need to be equally forceful to protect your daughter.
Ultimately, you may just have to move. Here in the U.S. a lot of people like us feel unsafe in conservative areas and are moving to progressive cities. I don’t want to do that because it feels like giving up and it just makes our country more divided between the blue states and the red states. But we are considering it so we can feel more comfortable. If I had an LGBT daughter I would definitely move. She deserves to be celebrated for who she is and who she loves. The bullying is totally unacceptable and you can’t tolerate it! If it doesn’t stop then you just need to move to a more progressive area where LGBT people are promoted and celebrated. Your daughter deserves it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2022): I think your husband's strategy is your best bet. My dear, where ever you find people, you find cruelty and evil. It's part of our human nature. All you have to do is shoot a copy of those threatening emails to the school principal, and CC your lawyer; then alert the school district superintendent of bullying in the school. Keep a running journal of all incidents of bullying and intimidation; then notify your attorney of your every move in an attempt to rectify the issue.
You may have to have a meeting at the school with the bully and her parents. There is no roundabout way you're going to resolve this issue. The pressure has to be applied to the school to enforce a policy on bullying.
You can't force people to be accepting or tolerant; but it seems so much easier these days to rally-up a mob against people for being different. It doesn't matter how far up the ladder you are in society; people stoop to the lowest levels these days, while screaming about their rights. Like they have special rights their victims don't have!!!
If you've been keeping up with the news media in the United States; you'll see how bad-behavior, bigotry, domestic terrorism, and racism is now chic. Even politicians fan the flames of radicalism and hatred; and people vote those vile hoodlums into office, based on the kind of immoral stance they take. Threatening people, lying, encouraging homophobia; while pretending to be Christian conservatives and patriots. They are far far from being any of that!!!
Once you meet the bully's parents, you'll know why she behaves the way she does. They'll deny everything, even when you have the threatening emails as evidence! Wait and see! "Not my kid!" Even worse, they'll act totally surprised, as if it's so out of character for their brat!
Your job as a parent is cut-out for you. Your daughter chose to come-out in high school, and it is unpredictable what kind of reception a child will get these days; because many parents condone bullying and violence. It's even being encouraged by politicians in the US!
If you're watching the daily news broadcasts and YouTube videos of how their parents behave at school games, parents & teachers meetings, town halls, at restaurants, on planes, in public places in general; and sometimes it could even be your neighbors next door; you'll realize that you have to develop a strong backbone, be assertive enough to stand-up for your rights, stick-up for righteousness, and retain a good lawyer. You also have to pray a lot, because it takes the protection of Almighty God to survive in these times! Good always prevails, it's just that you have to work hard at it. It's not easy standing-up to mean people.
Unfortunately, you can't be with your daughter all day; but you can apply plenty of pressure on the school principal and Superintendent of Schools in your district. If your daughter doesn't learn to stand-up to bullies; they will always make her life miserable. It's how we all had to survive high school. Only kids take it to the next level; and that's where the police and a lawyer takeover.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2022):
 If the girl (bully) was dumb enough to send the message demanding money "even sent messages via school email" then take it to the principal, and if there is no action taken, you take it to the police.
...............................
|
