A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I was just wondering how long it will take for my 19 year old daughter to wake up and see reality? She got pregnant with a guy who is 20, and he is very disrespectful, unkind, selfish and arrogant. He disrespected me right from the very start! He is sue-happy (wants to sue people instead of working hard to support my daughter and my granddaughter) and now he talked her into moving with him to live with his Dad in a different state! HIS family? What happened to our family? (My daughter's boyfriend came down here from a different state... that's how he met my daughter.. now he wants to move back where HE is from, and has no concern or feelings for our family) I thought that I taught my daughter about right and wrong. We are generally a happy family. She went through high school and did graduate. She worked at a job for 3 years. (Of course her boyfriend made fun of where she worked) We supported her when she was pregnant (although I was shocked and hurt, but did support her) we were with her in the hospital when my granddaughter was born. I took her to every doctor appointment (her boyfriend did not ever want to go) I babysat my granddaughter 3 days a week and on Saturday nights when my daughter and her boyfriend wanted some time to themselves. (My granddaughter is now 9 months old.) Now I feel like my heart was ripped right out. They did move last week. I knew it was going to happen, but did not want to talk about it, nor do I want to talk to his parents. We never met them, never talked to them, have no desire to. In my opinion, they should have been the first to contact us when they first heard the news of the pregnancy that involved their son. They were not interested in us. That shows what kind of character they have, just like their son. Now it's.. No more daughter, no more granddaughter, and now she is living with her boyfriend and his father. (and to top it all off, she will be working with his Mom) UGH! He always bragged that his father had a nice, big house, and a nice neighborhood. (yes, it is a little nicer than where we live) which I think is mean for him to rub that in. He did not offer to marry my daughter when she got pregnant. At first I yelled at her for being with him because I am 49 years old, and I know a jerk of a guy when I see him. Then my husband told me that we have to try and be nice to him for our daughter's sake.(which we did) We welcomed him into our family and even though I do not like him, and even though he disrespected me, I was nice to him to keep the peace, and to support our daughter's wishes. Should I have stuck to my decision, and not allow him over to our home? Did I do the right thing by being nice to him all these months? I am also wondering where me and my husband went wrong? My husband said that in time, (and it may even take a few years), she will see for herself what kind of guy she is with. Is that true? In the mean-time, I don't want to sit around sulking and dwelling on it, but also just wanted a little bit of advice on how to not let this situation hurt me so much. I feel like I (we) did something wrong, and like we were never good enough for our daughter. I am heartbroken.Thanks for your time, and sorry this was so long.
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female
reader, Charlotte N +, writes (30 March 2009):
 hey this is Charlotte agan and you may email me and I would be glad to call you maybe we can help each other through this.
God bless you!
A
female
reader, Charlotte N +, writes (30 March 2009):
Hello precious one. I know what you are going through.My daughter is 19 too and I have cried my eyes out. you're story is exacly like mine. even his family is similar. They don't want nothing to do with me either and I am not going to let this drive me nuts anymore. and I want to share this with you. NOW faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 The rejections, defeats, and failures that all of us experience can create enough negative feelings to destroy us if we allow it. be careful! so many times the most painful wounds are not the scars that are outwardly seen, but the hidden wounds deep in the heart. scars being hidden, they are to me the most dangerous... I have just about lost my cool here lately. I have allowed things to deeply hurt me. Setbacks in our lives can take the joy out of living... our faith is weakened and if we collect enough hurts it will stop us from wanting to press on. My daughter, my mom had a Stroke, stepdad,my brother,my Friends, and me and most of my family as well as there are others here are feeling very tired and worn out in body, mind, finances, Etc.
The Body of Christ are going through some difficult times right now and we really need to stay alert and we have got to keep on praying and seeking God's face. I have been very troubled at an almost dire situation with my daughter,Nikki and is 19 and I am a very concerned mother and feel very helpless right now. I am just trying to put it in my Lords hands. I just very recently found out she is going to have a child and is 10 weeks and three days now.she told me she wanted to give it away. That hurt me so much. I told her I would help her and she knows I love children. I could only have one myself. I have warned her to stay away from this boy and that she was going to get into trouble. he is on probation and he drinks which my own daughter lied to me about and other things he has done. I can't figure out how she would ever get mixed up with a guy like this. she has always been very picky about the type of guys she dates. she would drop them like a hot potato if she found out anything bad about them.I guess she knew I would flip a lid so she didn't tell me nothing about him.It is all about infatuation from what I can see. God sent me two dreams a year ago about my daughter, and now slowly I am understanding the meaning of it.The first dream was a war plane come over the top of our home and I took Nikki as if she was little baby agan and we went to the closet as it flew over.it is like Nikki was a baby yet she is full grown. I couldn't figure out if this was just a crazy dream. I was trying to protect her. I covered her with my own Body. We stayed in the safest place in the house the closet and I was praying with all my heart in the dream. The bombs were hitting the house. I told her that the Lord would take care of us and the plane flew on over and left us. We were safe.Then the dreamed changed and there was a thief in the house and he was stabbing my Nikki in the stomach. The first day I laid eyes on him there were bad vibes from him. He was acting just too sweet and sneaky.My pain medication was getting gone over a period of months. I always keep up with what I have to take. There are no telling how many times she has let him borrow her car after me telling her not to let anyone borrow her car because of her insurance only covers her driving it. she is a new driver and it is very expensive. His dad was giving Nikki gas money to put in her car to let him go fishing in it while she was working. he has no driver's liscense. she fell hook, line, and sinker.I couldn't help myself there I just had to add the dry humor. I didn't know if she was kidnapped, dead or what. yes my daughter is acting very irresponsible. Our Children are so very disobedient in these last days. It dosn't matter how much you teach them right from wrong they are still going to do things their way.We can't force them to do the right thing even if we teach them what is wrong. They have to make there on mistakes in life and hopefully learn from it. I know I have. he is 21 and lives with his mother and daddy. I don't want my daughter feeling like he is trapping her and I am afraid that is what is happening. They have only been seeing each other for a few very short months.The night he took her car I had asked her if he had something on her that was holding her back and she didn't tell me that night. I felt like something was really wrong as to why she went back to him after all that had happened now I know she is pregnant. she was too asahamed to tell me. I assured I was there for her and I loved her so very much and the baby. I am praying for the boy's Salvation. I didn't hear from her at 1st and she wouldn't return my calls. The best time to talk to her is when he is not around her. I just give her all the support I can. I don't want to push her away. she will open her eyes in God's time. If she only knew how much I love her. she moved out a couple of weeks after what happened with the car and b4 I found out about her pregnancy without an explanation and left me in the dark, my mom and now this. she went right back to him. I am asking you, the Body of Christ to not only pray for her but all of us including me before this eats me up alive.I asked her how she felt tonight about being a Mother and she told me she didn't like it at all, she had dreams just finished Secondary School. but she is going to have the Baby thank God.I am willing to do my best to help her with the Baby, so she can fufill her dreams with her career.I know she want admit it to me but she is scared and with a lot of mixed emotions. I am going to be a grandmother. I have raised her against Abortion and it is wrong and she knows that.I was told she was thinking about it. This child is innocent. I have been very sick. I have been praying and God told me to start writing and he gave me something to share with you. I need to give myself a pep talk and when I write it helps me.I don't claim to know everything.I don't have great words of wisdom here. I am just sharing my heart. I have suffered ever since for 19 years with Crohns Disease and still holding on to my Faith and God has allowed me to keep my sanity.I give God all the Glory for everything he has brought me through in my life. My Mother has been very ill for several months now and was in Icu for sometime. I Praise God to the Highest that he has spared her life. She has had a rough Journey but she is still with us and I am so thankful for that! I feel right now is the time to share this because it may help someone who may be going through things as well as me. God will bring us out! Lord help us hold on to our faith to believe you have everything under control with us. We are still a constant work in progress. you're word is or Nutrition. We grow daily if we listen to you're voice and NOT the voice of the Adversary!
Our LORD you are in control in control and we have to let you be in control! Help us all lord. I plead you're blood over us in Jesus Name! Lord we have have to let you be in control. I am trying to let him, but I am not perfect friends none of us are.I sometimes can be a bit of a worry wart and I am guilty of getting negative thoughts at time. I guess that is just the human corruption we inherited (THE FLESH). Lord help us to walk in the Spirit.Lord we are weak but you are stronger than all of our enemies..ok we all have read the book of Job and we know he was a man of the land of Uz , blameless, upright, one who feared God, yet one who turned away from evil. We know he had seven sons and three daughters, a family. He was considered the greatest of all men of the East. He was a good decent man from what I get out of it. He Loved the Lord God with all his heart.
But . . . He lost everything in the twinkling of an eye. He lost his Family first, then his wealth, then his Health began to fail. He hurt. even his is wife hurt....she told him just curse God and die but he did not do that he kept hanging on to his faith and I am sure it was very hard as it is very hard 4 us sometimes to keep on going. Job's friends hurt..he was knocked down BUT NOT OUT! sure he lost some of the passionate power to grow and some of his enthusiasm had diminished but he checked his negative thinking and he made this statement in the Bible "If I say, I will forget my complaint, I will leave off my heaviness, and comfort myself." In other words I honestly believe he put on a SMILE! how do you think he did after all that had happened to him. That just amazes me to think he fell down on his face and worshIpped God.How many times today do WE do this when things are NOT going out the way we had not hoped or wished for.There are times I go into a state of panic. I am guilty of that.
When one door closes another opens. The Example of the book of Job, in the Bible, has helped me through so many things in my life and I am glad that God Loves us so much that he gave this example of Job's Life for this purpose and that was to Glorify God in the Midst of troubles.It don't do any of us to worry about the curveballs the Enemy of our souls throws at us does it? Job got somewhat uptight I am sure after so many things kept coming at him after awhile but you know what I haven't found it anywhere were he cursed God have you? I do belive his faith started to shake. Don't we feel that way sometimes?
If we are truly relying on the Lord things are going to come up. That is just the way it is. It isn't always smooth sailing. If we think we are going to go through life like a breeze we are going to be sadly mistaken. If we take a good look at the picture God is telling us that he is there all the time and what he did 4 job he will do 4 us. God Blessed him sevenfold the Bible say's and I do believe that! God restored everything that was taken and much more because he lived a ripe old age. Satan wasn't allowed to take his life! Glory to God!!!
You might ask yourself, just how could he do that after undergoing so much hurt? How did Job do it? The same way we can do it through faith and that is the only thing that can heal the hurts. Job scraped himself off. It was painful! It hurt! the scars would remain, but his life was put back together. The strong belief in God I think was his medicine and Job's wife, his friends could not help him only God could!
God can help us too... please allow us oh Lord to cast off those personal hurts that cling to us like parasites, sapping the life out of us.HAVE FAITH. TRUST GOD! Faith is a daily necessity in our life. Let us take a good look at our heart and holding on to Faith. Job did and we can too. .. just always remember . . . apart from God we can do nothing . . . without Christ, we are useless! I pray today that God smiles down on you while you are smiling up at Him!
God Bless us in Jesus Name!
Charlotte
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (5 February 2009):
 Women believe in love. That love will save the day and everything will result in a happy ending.
Mothers don't come into this, advice does not. In fact the harder people protest, the more romantic it is. The world trying to tear two lovers apart but they will prevail!
If he is really the way you describe then maybe someday she will realize it and slowly, very slowly try to break free of him. But you got to remember that our entire society tells women that love is real and wins through in the end.
As an outsider, all you can is wait until a person like your daughter realises that she made the wrong choice. Try to hasten this and you will only make her more defensive.
Nobody likes to admit they were wrong after all.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (5 February 2009):
 you have not done anything wrong, being a headstrong daughter myself i know that your daughter would know that you have done everything for her that you could do and she will soon realise that he is wrong for her. right now she probably thinks that she is doing the best for her child and herself, as her parents you need to support her as much as possible and pick up the pieces when it falls apart for her. your husband is completely right, she'll realise in time. meanwhile you can keep busy, focus you attention on something else whether its your husband, your work, your house...anything to get your mind off this. keep me updated, hope i have helped.x
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