A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been thinking a lot about my dating problems (as you do) and I think what it all boils down to is that I just like being on my own. Does anyone else feel like this too? I like being independent, cooking and shopping for myself and I even prefer being alone with my thoughts in my room instead of hanging out in the lounge room socialising with my housemates. I like having some male interests but not dating anyone consistently. At the same time I would love to be with someone long term and share myself with him. I'd appreciate any comments from people who can relate to this feeling, particularly if you've also maintained happy relationships, so I know whether this is possible to do. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): I understand how you feel completely. I spent almost 4 years without a serious relationship getting to know myself and getting my life together. I have been dating someone for almost a year now and am starting to feel very smothered, even though he is not smothering. I don't want to worry about anyone else, answer to anyone, or have to worry about their happiness. I am a single mother of one girl, and I just bought my own house this May. I do not want a man to intrude on the life i have made for myself. I love my alone time, to the point i have had to ask him to leave to get it. He has brought up marriage and I just don't see myself marrying someone (anyone) as then they would be there ALL THE TIME and i would probably really resent them for that. I don't want to have someone there all the time . . . i have no advice for you just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 September 2009):
I feel the same as you. I will never ever understand these girls who put up with crap boyfriends rather than "being alone."
Being alone is great.
I can spend ages alone, but I do also like having one to ones with friends or being in a group some times.
BUT, having said all that, I am married.
I met a guy who was completely and utterly in love with me (and I felt the same) but also would disappear off for long periods with work.
He needs his own space and we exist quite happily alone or together.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): I can definitely relate to your situation. I have always been fiercely independent and have never "needed" anyone's companionship. My success with my husband comes from him being secure enough to give me the space and freedom that I need- I sometimes even vacation alone with our kids, and he stays home! He is a stable enough guy that he knows I need to have alone time, and when I am needing affection it is always him I turn to. We have a great relationship, mainly because he doesn't try to make me feel like he is a needy person. When we were dating, it was so amazing because when we were together, I still enjoyed myself- we are so alike in many ways that I loved having his company, even though I am not normally a real social person and I like my alone time (still.) I think the right person will make you feel like you haven't compromised your desire to be independent and will support all of your decisions, even when they don't include him. He also likes time by himself, so we spend time pursuing our individual interests as well. Good luck.
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