A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who is also my dance partner and we have been dancing together for a year. We're extremely close, and most people tend to think we're in a relationship and we keep having to tell them we're not. He is married and he has a daughter as well. For the past year he's been going through some issues with his wife, she'd been treating him very coldly and he was trying to save the marriage but he was fed up. I talked to him and told him not to give up so easy, and to just try one last time. Then strangely enough, he started acting a little bit strange towards me. He would look at me differently, get jealous when I hung out with other guys, and I started to get the vibe that he likes me more than as a friend. I always kept my limits with him though, keeping in mind that he's a married man. He went back home on a 6 week trip. I was sad because I missed my best friend and I was also afraid that he would change and become distant and weird. But I carried on with my life and let him carry on with his. He did mention to me that he and his wife had fixed things and that he hoped things would stay that way. He would message me now and then and ask me how things are going. And because he's my friend and I tell him stuff, I told him about this guy I started dating and he was like, 'Not interested'. I found that strange because he had never said something like that before. He'd always been interested to know about the stuff going on in my life and has always looked out for me. Then when the guy I was seeing and I separated and he found out about it, he started messaging me all kinds of silly stuff and asking me what my ideal guy is like and whether it's him. I was like no way! He suddenly cut his trip short by a week. He surprised me saying there was a delivery for me and when I went down to get it, he was standing there. I was so happy to see him and he gave me the warmest hug ever. When I asked him why he came back so early, he wouldn't say. He looked uncomfortable and hyper. Apparently he'd made the decision to come back, booked his flight and even landed here in 3 days. It was that sudden! The next day after he got back, he wanted to go dancing so we did. He was behaving so strangely. He kept talking about his wife and he even went so far as to compare her with me. Apparently she had chosen a nice top for me and I told him that it looked nice and he was like, yeah she's really good at choosing stuff. And I laughed and said, yes I have trouble with that. I usually suck at matching colours and stuff. And he went so far as to say, Yeah I know you're bad at that, you can't match her.' That pissed me off, to be honest but I let it slide. The whole night he was so weird. He's so unnaturally hyper. He seems fake and I can't seem to read him like I used to be able to. I am sooo confused because it doesn't feel like I'm talking to my best friend, it feels like I'm talking to someone I just met recently. We meet up almost every day because we have a dance competition coming up and need to practice a lot but I'm considering distancing myself as much as possible cos it just feels awkward now. He's always been there for me, always been a great friend. And we've never crossed boundaries. We've always kept our limits. But I don't understand why he still sends me stupid flirty texts now and then and then keeps talking abut his wife. When he sends me those I'm like, I'm gonna tell your wife your'e talking shit. And then he just smiles and goes quiet. I also feel like I need to put a stop to the flirting, but I'm not sure what to say. I don't wanna make things awkward too. Am I doing the right thing by trying to distance myself as much as possible? I don't know how to deal with this strangeness and I don't wanna feel used. I feel like when he had problems with his wife he was very close to me but now that he's back with her (if he still is with her, that is), I'm being treated weirdly. So weirdly, to the point where he's actually comparing me with her and making me feel bad. Like wtf!
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best friend, flirt, jealous, married man, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 December 2023):
 Absolutely agree with Kenny,
Find a new dance partner (maybe someone NOT married) And block this guy, he is weird.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (29 November 2023):
 Yes I think that you are doing the right thing by distancing yourself. He is wrong to be flirting with you and sending you the texts he does.
He has crossed the boundries of professionalism so things are always going to feel rather awkward now.
His actions are strange to say the least, and I think he is playing mind games with you. I think just for your general well being I would be inclined to stop seeing him and find a new dance partner.
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