A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Over the weekend, I just got engaged. We've been together for a year and a half, live together and are elated. His family is very happy, so are our friends and well as my dad (and his wife) and my brother. The problem is my dad's dad and his wife, as well as my dad's brother and his wife, and other distant family members and friends are unhappy. They are rude and ignorant, have not congratulated me, and talk badly about me and him to everyone and anyone who would listen. They are out to get him and are attempting to sabatoge our relationship.My dad's dad even went and far as running an illegal credit check on him. I am upset that I am causing them this much grief. We are very happy and are looking forward to wedding planning over the next few months. I don't even think they would attend, and would continue to attempt to break us apart.We've tried talking to them, but now are just so so frustrated. Their main reasoning is he is a few years older than me, divorced and has two kids. Also, I make more than he does. They feel that I am putting shame on our family name.I also lost my mother suddenly two years ago, so they feel that I am doing this as a form of rebellion, and are also on the path to becoming an alcholic, drug addict and will eventually commit suicide (yeah they have said that) ... (i have lost 25 pounds in the past year.. so they attribute that to either drugs or an eating disorder.. which all I am doing is eating better)Does anyone have any advice for me? I am happy that my dad is supportive and proud, as well as my brother and my mom's mom. It's just my dad's side of the family who are so negative and outright cruel. I don't expect them to love him/us, but I just wish they would stop their antics...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): I have had the same type of problem over the years with one aunt leading the charge and winding everyone up to either take the p*** or criticise everything I and my family do and it can be incredibly hurtful, however 23 years later my husband, kids and I are stronger than ever and very very happy despite all the c*** that is dished out. I simply don,t call or give her any ammunition or information and this she hates as she thinks it is her divine right to be kept in the loop at all times. I think it is down to control and manipulation as this makes her feel important because essentially at the end of the day she is a bully. The family have given in to her as it was easier at times and this is where the upper hand is gained with people like that so they ride roughshod over everyones feelings or opinions. I have also found that over the years there is no point in trying to appease or appeal to them . Dont even try as I did, you will waste an incredible amount of emotional energy trying to make sense of it all because at the end of the day they have made up their minds and nothing will change it. They seem to take a perverse delight in make others feel as awful as possible. You have to draw a line in the sand and set youself forward and remember you have done nothing wrong, they are the ones with the problem not you or your fiance. The more you fight your case the stronger their postion becomes so dont give them this stronghold. Enjoy every minute you have with the family that accepts you and your fiance and look forward to the brillant future you both will have.
Wishing you both a happy future and hope this helps.
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