A
male
age
30-35,
*am0091
writes:He cheated with her on my mother!!! Then he left her for my mother after 4 weeks of being with her and dumping my mum. Everytime me and my dad arrange to spend time together she seems to put a stop to it. My dad has to call and text me secretly behind her back too. I don't think he is happy with her at all. I think she controls him and is a narcissist.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 November 2016):
 Eugh he needs to see that you are more important than she is. She probably doesn't trust him because he is a cheater. Maybe she is jealous off your relationship. Either way he needs to get his priorities right. She seems to be controlling and that is just not a great thing. If you are worried about your dad take him out alone and talk to him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2016): Dads that pass around rejection so freely usually are rather economical with the truth!No woman can prevent a dad contacting his own blood, but a dad can use a new partner as an excuse for not getting in touch.The fact that he cheated on your mum with the same lady allegedly indicates that he is creative with his reasoning but not particularly honest.Worry less about dad and more about you.He probably tells her that you only want to spy on him so that your mother knows what is going on!Or that you are only intouch when you want money.Some people are wonderful some of the time but not all of the time.Its quite possible that dad is very unwonderful sometimes and not a good communicator but he doesnt wany to look bad so he makes up a "woman excuse".It makes him look needed and wanted and wonderful when in fact he is just not good at texting and talking.But dont give up on him entirely.Send him an xmas and birthday card and ask him to phone you now and again.Meanwhile stay close to mum and think of times you might make excuses to dad if he phoned up at the wrong time.And dont feel rejected!Just accept that dads are only occassionally up to "movie dad standard".
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (24 November 2016):
 I had a very, very similar experience when I was younger and my dad got with a new partner after leaving my mum. My dad didn't have the balls to do anything about it though and I was only around 8 at the time so didn't really know what was going on. This basically saw me grow up without my dad, but thankfully it's not really affected me.
I think auntybimbim raised some very good points, I think you need to be asertive and show that you know what she's up to but do not get angry as I'm guessing that's what she wants, to know that she's getting to you by trying to isolate you from your dad.
With my dad he did try to keep contact with us for about a year or two then after that I didn't hear from him for years as there's only so much you can do, considering I was around 10 at this point as well youd think the father would be making all the effort. I think it's crazy that a parent could want nothing to do with their child. I know absolutely nothing about my dad, I don't know how old he is, I dont know where he live's, what his job is, I don't even know if he has a partner anymore.
My brother tried persistently to stay in contact whereas me and my sister never bothered. My Bro was let down time and time again when they were supposed to meet, so be prepared for that.
Keep on top of things, make note of when you contact him and try to make plans with him so that you can show how much effort you're putting into things if you feel like hes not doing his bit.
The woman I knew and the one you know are both very spiteful and controlling. But if you have a good relationship with your dad then I'd be very surprised if he could let it slip with you because of her.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (24 November 2016):
 Unsurprisingly, since he's a cheater, she probably doesn't trust him. She also probably thinks you'll try to turn him against her. If he still texts you secretly, ask when he's at home and visit him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 November 2016):
 Phone him at home, if she answers say "I'd like to talk to my Dad please" ... go visit, knock on the door when you know he is home, if he tries to put you off simply say "Dad will you please go and get your balls out of her handbag, I need to spend some time with my father, not a puppet!"
If he insists he has other plans pull out your phone and ask him to synchronise a time he is available to spend some time with you ....
Don't get angry in front of either of them, if the narcissist tries to muscle in on your conversations, be polite, acknowledge her presence, but focus on your Dad.
Be aware though: if you manage to break through with your dad she is likely to decide to drive a wedge between you and other people, especially the people you care about.
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