A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible.I'm 17 now and have grown up with a a terrible relationship with my dad. He has never been a 'dad' to me and as I've got older, we have drifted more and more apart. He hasn't worked for 12 years, he sits around the house everyday doing nothing. My mum lost her hearing 5 years ago but still works 9-5 everyday, and at the moment is travelling an hour and a half to work everyday due to a recent house move. My dad looks an absoloute mess, he doesn't shower, his hair is awful, he smells, has no friends, no social life. He spends everyday on the computer or in his room and the only trip he takes is to the supermarket to do 10 minute shop. He is constantly miserable and creates so much tension, that we all can't stand being around him, and arguments brew all the time.That paragraph doesn't explain enough of what he's like but I'm really trying to keep this short. I mentioned arguments and that's the main issue here. My mum and dad constantly row, mainly because he doesn't do anything and it's so unfair on her, but the arguments turn violent. He calls my mum every name under the sun, he pushes her and he hits her and goes seriously mental. I remember a few years ago he was having an argument with me and he threw my bin at me and then smacked me across the head, leaving me crying and shaking. Since then, this has almost become a regular occurance. A few weeks back, yet another row started and when I heard my dad shouting verbal abuse at my mum and pushing her, I ran upstairs and told him to get off her. He then started on me, and threatened me, at which point I told him to p*** off which he didn't like and so he punched me in the arm and smacked my bum, and tried to attack me and my brother had to jump in the way to prevent my dad from going for me, and yet again I ended up crying and shaking.Then last night, it happened again. My parents were rowing, I heard him push her so ran to stop it again and he started calling me and my mum s**ts, wh***s, tramps etc. He then started shouting more verbal abuse at me and threateing me calling me a fat ugly tramp and telling me to pack my bags and leave. I couldn't take it any longer so got up and pushed him until he fell backwards on the sofa. He then tried to break my phone and rip my college books up. So yet again, I ended the night crying and shaking.I hate this man, I hate how he treats me and my mum, how he talks to us and pushes and hits us. He makes my life miserable and I hate being around him. I want a dad who I can hug and have a laugh with who is there for me, but he is nothing of the sort and when he's angry I'm scared to death of him.So my question is what can I do? He won't admit he needs help, I know that already. I just can't take this anymore - I'm used to the behaviour but it can't go on because I know in 5 days time my parents will just be talking again like nothing has happened and he will try and talk to me and be all nice but I can't allow it, I just can't forgive his words and actions.Thanks for any advice in advance.Penny.
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female
reader, AmyMichelleBella  +, writes (11 April 2010):
God youve just descibed my father too a Tee He is the biggest slob verbally abusive calls me c#nt every chance he can get sits on the computar all day smells of azz and cigerettes ugh he has no friends takes everthing out on my mom and me she is supporting him cause since he got laid off he wants to liv on unemployment when drives he screams at people on the road he is fking crazy i hate him worlds biggest smelliest Slob ... and he is addicted too internet porn i walk in the room too see mom and catch him eeeek makes my skin crawl!
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (17 March 2010):
Call a domestic violence helpline for advice or call Childline. They will be able to help you figure out what you can do. They can even arrange that next time there is a fight, they can send the police around to your house and the police will say the neighbours called in reporting constant violence in this house. Maybe that shock that people are listening in will be enough to frighten your dad into pulling himself together.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Penny, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this nonsense. We all expect that we're supposed to have a dad who will give us a hug and make things right. I'm so sorry that isn't in your cards.
Kiddo, you mentioned your college books. If you're enrolled in a college, talk to them about assistance for residence. You need to leave your home, to get to a safe place, and ideally that would be in residence in a school.
You can't help your mum -- you can help yourself. Get away to a place where you're not being abused. And carry on with your education. Contact a counsellor at your college, because you will strongly benefit from professional help to deal with the very unreasonable home life you've had to deal with.
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A
female
reader, lightshadowash  +, writes (17 March 2010):
i think this is serouis abusive and u should call the cops cuz it must be seroiursly scary 4 u ur brother and mother
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