A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey. I'm going through deep depression right now. I'm already seeing a physcologist right now, but i also need some other ways to help me. I feel like i have too much stress on me. All the time.. School is way too much right now, but i don't want to quit. And i'm always home alone. My dad works at nights. And my moms a acholic and shes away. I'm been through way much. My mom is usually drunk. And she was arrested about a month ago.. Right now i have been cutting. I really want to stop but it's like an addiction. I know my dad is here to help me and my friends. But it doesn't seem to change much. And then also i've been feeling sick to my stomach everytime i eat a single thing. Even if it's just a small portion i still feel the need to throw up. And so i don't eat much. I think im going anorexic.. and tried bulimia. Everyone tells me im not fat, and i don't think i'm that fat. But my friends are skinnier than me. I feel like i want to be skinnier. I just want to give up.And then also this guy cheated on me awhile ago.. I just feel so confused about life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): Hey, I'm 28, my mum and dad split up 5/6 years ago after 32 yrs of marriage. I bought a place with my dad as the only way to get on the property ladder and he had no idea on what to do as my mum always guided him. I bought him out last year early september and now he spends his days out of it in bed. He can't remember when he's given me rent. So far he's given me 3 lots this week!! I have been depressed before and was put on tablets twice when I was 21/22. The second time was purely because I came off the first lot too soon. This depression was because my mum had a nervous breakdown and I was helping her whilst making sure the house was kept, my dad and sister were okay, their washing done and dinner on the table and doing a full time college course. I spent no time to myself. I wish I had my place to myself, but I understand what you mean as too much time to yourself can make you fold inwards and like you say cutting. My partner of 10 yrs tried to hurt himself and I tried to 'help' by taking the knife off him, resulting in me getting 2 fingers sliced through. I was terrified, they're okay, but what you need to remember is don't get addicted to it. Inside you, you have 1 very strong person. I would never have imagined that I'd be as strong as I am but it's all because of what I've been through. You need to think about the person you are and can be. Don't get me wrong, I'd never go through it again, but I've learnt alot.Don't give up on school you'll only regret it. I might sound old, but trust me I'm the biggest kid going!! I work with kids and have so much fun!! Maybe you think about what you'd like to do and work towards it. What do you enjoy? I adore rock music and having it up loud whether I'm in my car or cleaning my place. If you want a chat just to get it off your chest then post again and then no probs. Just to say, I've been down again because of my dad, I have no help from my sister, I'm going to see a councillor next week just to talk crap! and get things off MY chest without feeling like I'm moaning about things to my partner, friends etc. Remember they get paid for it and it's their job to listen to you. It's YOUR time, it's ABOUT YOU, no one else, remember that !!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): All that is happening to you...is not your fault. You've been handed a crappy deal, in life. The most powerful and influential people in the world are parents and your Mother has an alcohol addiction and your father is away a lot, working to keep the family going. Someone has to, I understand that but you are and have been neglected. You are in the most impressionable and formative years of your life and you are deeply troubled and struggling. Again, this is no fault of your own. You are a young female with emotional problems and very low self-worth. And your parents have not given you that precious gift, the gift worthiness and self-esteem. Your parents, through their behaviors have indeed exerted a powerful influence on your life, through the formation of your character, personality and values. In this case, the lack of love and emotional neglect is what has brought on your problems.
You are on the right track with counseling...stay on top of that. Don't give up. It is possible to break the chains that hold you to the effects of parental negligence and to build a more healthy foundation for your life. You also want to deal with these issues before you, grow up into adulthood. It's essential you learn that what has happened in your life is unfair, unhealthy and wrong and you must find the courage to stop this 'legacy' from continuing on into your future. The goal is for you to keep up the brave fight and battle the negative life-patterns that could stay with you for a lifetime. Examining yourself and learning ways to cope in an objective setting under the guidance of a wise counselor, could protect you from a lot of pain, in your future. So stay on course with that and be open to positive change. Also, can you ask your counselor to speak with Dad and troubleshoot different solutions to keep you happy and on track. I think your whole family needs counseling as a team effort to helping you attain a solid, good life. And Mom needs counseling to help with her addiction. There is an amazing group called Ala-non/Ala-Teen...talk to your counselor about that. If youa re in the states, there is likely a meeting in your area. In Al-Anon and Alateen, young members, like yourself, share their own experience, strength, and hope with each other. You will could meet others who share your feelings and frustrations, if not your exact situation. They all come together to learn a better way of life, to find happiness and learn skills to cope with the sadness and dysfunction an alcholic family member, brings into the lives of others. You need coping skills and you need to learn them asap. It will be tough but with a belief that you should have a happy, solid future, you will work hard to getting there.
In families, the majority of Mothers are the most influential. This is true because usually, most moms spend more time with their children. Having an alcoholic Mother and a 'phantom' father is clearly hurting you in ways, that seem impossible to overcome. Your cutting and anorexia are possible side effects of your inner pain, caused by all this neglect. You need to get help from your Dad...ask him to help. It could be, if your Dad is bringing home a paycheck he may be thinking that he should leave all the responsibilities in the home, to your Mom. But Mom is incapable of that. So Dad could be in denial and suffering his own pain and sorrow. But you are the casualty and that's not right. When you have no one around to ensure you are getting the emotional support and help needed, you have no love and with no love...one cannot cope. Is there anyone in your life you can trust, who can take you aside and mentor you? Like an Aunt, a Grandmother, a female teacher, a friend's Mother? Someone...you uphold and trust...a lot. You are missing out on the love, nurturing,the support and encouragement needed to get through life. Please ask others to help you...part of being in a home where one's emotional needs aren't met is we suffer a loss, in our right to be loved and cherished. You have thatright...believe in it and fight for it. Please get people helping you and on your side. You really do deserve a happy, carefree life and you need to learn that you are indeed, precious and loveable. Because you are...I am sorry for what has happened to you. No kid deserves that. Take care dear and the best of luck to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): I can't help you, but I can give you this advice. Listen to Mandy7 and ask her for the help that she has offered if you need it. If you have read any of her posts that she has written, you will see that she has been through much and her experiences similar to yours helps her to understand what you are going through. She is a wonderful person. All I can advise is to listen to the wise things that she might have to say to you. I'm sorry that I can't do anything better to help you. Mandy7 has said more than I can think of to help.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (12 December 2007):
 I'm glad that you don't want to quit school. Use school as a way to get you out of where you are now. What I mean is, some day you will be going to college, and when you get out of college and find a good job, you can use the money to get you out of the environment you are in now. I know that will take some years, but I think that you are doing everything that you possibly can right now to help you. As for the skinny thing- I remember that too. There were lots of VERY skinny girls that surrounded me when I was middle school age. Stop comparing yourself to them-you are beautiful just the way you are. Maybe you should join a church, or find one within walking distance. There are lots of people there willing to help also.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Hunny,
You have far to much to deal with, Ive been through the depression the cutting and the not feeling like eating because my stomach was all in knots and I no what you mean. Cutting will not help, For a split second it will release pressure but wont keep that pressure from coming back I can tell you that from my heart sweetheart...
I had a problem with my eating yrs ago and it was because of all the stress and its the only thing you can control in your life but its not good as you can end up very ill, my friend died hunny and she was not fat she just thought she wasnt good enough, And thats not true and its not true for you either...I started by just eating little and often a little piece of toast and then build it up. If you can afford it get some build up shakes they put all the vits and minerals back in your body. Dont compare yourself to others ever we are all so very different.
Now can you talk with your dad I no you said he works nights but if you can find an opportunity please try ok, about your mum Im so sorry my son is an alcaholic and its so very hard to understand and live with people you love that are ill this way.. My biological parents are to both alcaholics I only get to see them in the summer and hunny thats suits me fine as I cant cope with it very well. But you have no mother figure in your life and that is very hard you must make sure you tell your councellor everything dont hold back and get all the help you can love, groups of people with the same problems as you are having is a good way to talk and they understand which is what you need, Alot of understanding....
If you need to talk at anytime I will try and help message me sweetheart, You can beat this believe me and become a stronger young woman for it, Have faith in you as you are worth so much so so much. At the moment it feels empty but it will get better, message me to chat anytime ok PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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