A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:No easy way to discuss this, no other outlets.I'm 16, and about three weeks ago, my dad had told me he's no longer attracted to Mom and that as time went on it felt more like he was a roomie with her than a husband, and is moving his lover in, who's a 31-year-old man who describes himself as a "femboy"; the man has a fiancee and 5-year-old daughter who he's left for my dad.My dad told me "I'm not gay, you can't help who you're attracted to, and this man is moving into the spare room soon. Accept it. Well, I am attracted to him, but if it ends, it won't be another guy, it's just him. It'd be another woman, yeaaaaah.".He said he'd dated this guy in secret since November last year, even meeting up with him in shopping mall food courts and Italian restaurants and lying to Mom about meeting a friend.The guy isn't a co-worker etc. or anything like that; in fact, I don't even know him personally.He's shown me a photo of this guy in a black crop top that was really short and hotpants, he didn't look that effeminate to me, still looked masculine-looking with the way his face was. Then he showed me other selfies of him cuddling this guy, the guy wearing a crop top and plaid skirt.The guy wants to move in, and thinks it'll be better than living where he lives now.We live in a Southern state, in a small town where everyone knows everyone else, it's pretty conservative, and being gay is still considered unacceptable. Not fully religious or Bible Belt-y, but certainly not accepting of queer/gay people. If anything, we're considered a joke by many.The guy lives across the state line, not in a Southern state. He lives an hour's drive from us in a big city in the Midwest that borders us.Dad hasn't thrown Mom out, or anything like that, but Mom is quite unhappy, and doesn't have many friends here, she moved here from a Mid-Atlantic state when she met Dad. Mom's been spending HOURS looking at divorce attorneys and worrying about the divorce.Mom's both angry and unhappy about the guy moving in, but Dad says it has to happen.I want to help her, but obviously at my age aren't going to know loads about divorce; I'm 17 in July.My town is fairly small, and I don't think I have anyone to talk to about this; I don't know any kids in my high school with gay parents or that sort of thing, and the kids in my high school are fairly homophobic anyway and they consider queer people like myself a joke.I like a girl across the state line who I'm friends with, although we're attracted to one another, neither of us can drive and she lives 20 minutes away according to Google Maps. Coronavirus and social distancing stopped me seeing her, or should have. We didn't even go the same high school, but I did see her in town now and then, as the big city across the state line is very near.Yes, I'm queer, but it's not the main thing about who I am; my liking of fashion etc. is, people here seem to think lesbians are masculine-looking women with buzzcuts and weird voices. I'm more into girly girls/lipstick lesbians than butch women.I'm glad Dad's happy, but I am worried about my parents' marriage.Mom's stressed a lot, Dad seems to be in the honeymoon phase and constantly talking about this guy, and I'm worrying over homophobia and my parents' marriage.At times I feel like moving or that I'LL BE forced to move, but that wouldn't always work out, it could be worse?I wanted a job, but working on a food truck wouldn't allow an under-18 would it? It's not a bad job, but certainly not one bound to the office 9-5 for some workers and at least I'm not having to deal with quarterly reports etc. (sorry, been trying to learn business terms).I'VE Been having worries over family finances, bills, etc. as a result of Dad's affair. Will I have to change schools, the whole nine yards?I'm also wondering if the rest of the family know or should know, and what the response will be if they DO know about the whole thing.I really love my parents, thought I got on well with both of them, but it seems now has made me realize I get on better with Mom than Dad.Not got many friends anyway and the few I do have I don't see much now. Tried emailing them, not heard back from them for weeks.Please help me. Fucking stressed over everything. Just don't know what to do for the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2022): I'm going to go along with this, although I am highly skeptical all this was written by a 16 year-old girl. In a narrative-style somewhat like the story taken from a novel, or a soap opera. Many times, we at DC receive postings from people who make up stories, or embellish their situations; while they showoff their writing talents. They also create scenarios to test the uncles and aunts ability to come-up with answers; or some just write for the sake of shock value. Some even take their stories from episodes of TV dramas or reality TV shows. Sometimes we call them out; and sometimes we'll humor the writer in the event the story is bazaar, but happens to be true.
I can't help but recall how this post reminds me of two previous postings that remarkably match this one; only the original poster was the wife. There was one contrast in the two previously posted stories; which was the closeted-husband was moving, or intended to travel, out of the country with his lover. There were pics and such as well! In both cases, the antagonist claims he wasn't gay; just gay for this one particular person. There is no such thing. If you are sexually-attracted to one person of the same-sex; you have the capacity to be attracted to someone of the same-sex period. You are homosexual, to use the proper terminology. You can also use the label "bisexual," where applicable. Even if your "gay-feelings" are focused on only one particular person of the same gender. You have every right to be in denial, you'll come to grips with the reality when you're ready; because the truth doesn't go-away just because you refuse to accept it.
With all that being said; I will write my advice with the hope it has a general blanketing-effect that will encompass similar cases in the realm of reality. I'm pretty used to rascals and kidders; so I won't waste an opportunity to comfort, educate, or dispel foolishness.
If you are a 16 year-old girl, you are quite articulate; and have a marvelous command of grammar and punctuation. Your sentence structure, punctuation, and general syntax is superb. Kudos to all your teachers!
Your parents have to workout their marital problems. You can ask your father to set you up for an appointment to receive therapy and counseling. It is the least he can do; if he is going to bring another man into the house, having a 16 year-old daughter and a wife. Child-protection authorities might find the whole setup particularly interesting; considering it's not exactly a kosher environment for an impressionable-teenager, especially a young female, undergoing her own issues in her teenage-development.
Your mother will have to consult with an attorney, and determine what her rights are. Allegedly aware that her husband is blatantly having an affair; and claims he is going as far as moving a total-stranger (his alleged lover) into your/her house without her consent.
When you are depressed, worried, and out of sorts; you must openly express your feelings to your parents, before coming to anonymous strangers who can't do anything on your behalf. Your mother is stronger than you think, if these things have gone as far as they have and she's still living there. You allege that your father has confided in you, that he is no longer attracted to your mother; and he has supposedly informed you he is moving his boyfriend into your home. In biblical and moral terms, this is "adultery." Legally, it is grounds for a divorce; so your mom best get cracking, most likely she'll get to keep the house. Your dad, with his femboy/boyfriend in tow, would have to move-out! It's far too much for a minor to comprehend or digest.
To put it bluntly, it's not just about your mother; it's about you, and your wellbeing. Neither parent seems to have your best interest in-mind; which should place the matter in the hands of authorities who may investigate this peculiar situation, to make some sort of decision about your safety, mental wellbeing, and finding a more stable environment. Especially, if your mother is so caught-up in her own issues; she has forgotten she's a mother, and has a daughter dealing with this all by herself! While she makes no effort to assert any authority or confront the situation in any way, shape, or form. Your father presumably has his own mental-health issues; if he has such nerve and audacity as to move his lover into the same house as his wife and child!!!
Until your parents seek counseling, and/or divorce attorneys; go online and lookup teenage helplines. There are several organizations dedicated to counseling teens; and some even have teens manning the phones, to chat and to listen to you. You will get professional-referrals and advice on what to do; if you feel scared, suicidal, or intimidated, but you don't know what to do. We are too remote to offer much assistance; but we can offer comfort, helpful suggestions, and assurance.
This will workout in the end, but your mother has to pull herself together and be your mother. Otherwise, child-protection authorities will have to intervene; to see to your proper care and protection. If I know anything about what they call the Bible-belt, as you've mentioned; somebody is going to contact authorities and report what they see. Be it because they are genuinely concerned about you; or for their own self-righteous and meddling reasons. As you've said, it's a small town; and there is always a busybody who will be more concerned about how all this affects a minor like yourself. A man running around in women's clothes, your mother deep in despair, and you being so obviously distraught; will certainly draw attention and be the talk of the town.
A lot now rests in your mother's hands. If she is incapable; some concerned-neighbor (or relative) is likely to intervene; and report the whole mess to child-protection authorities. If she wants to hide inside herself, or fold-up under all this; while allowing your dad to bulldoze the family with his outlandish exploits. Then let's see how all this goes over with the nosy town's people. If you and your mother are members of a church-family, you can also seek counseling and comfort from your faith ministry. You may as well not worry about gossip and embarrassment; I presume your father isn't hiding anything, and everyone will eventually know anyway.
If this is the substance of a soap opera, or some novel; I'm certain there was an ending where everybody wins. If not, your mother will have to divorce your dad, take him for every penny he's worth, and payment for child-support. No-one can force him to be attracted to her; and she cannot keep a child in an environment like this. While expecting the nosy public to sit-by and not stick their noses into it! If you have relatives; they are not going to stand for such outrageous and humiliating antics carried-on by your father. The odds are against him. If any of this is real-life.
It's highly unlikely you have not a single person in your own family that you can trust and confide in. None of this will remain a secret; because it's too much fuel for gossip, and small-town people know each-other's business. Your dad is allegedly subjecting your mother to mental-cruelty; and legally, that is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. If you've told us, you may as well tell somebody who can actually help you; before it all becomes the fodder for rumor mills and neighborhood gossip. If of course, a single word of this story is real.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2022): Oh no.Not the novelist again ! What did we do wrong, to deserve this, lol
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