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female
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anonymous
writes: HI, this is kind of complicated and really long, but I was hoping someone could help me. Last Saturday I was at a youth confernece for my church in which I am a junior youth leader. I am 21 years old. I was enrolled in a seminar called "Helping Teens in Crisis". The instructor of the seminar was a certified therapist and he is Puerto Rican and an amazing individual. He spoke frankly and honestly about the type of uncormfortable, unsettling, and dangerous situations that teens can get involved in. This was a seminar designed to help me learn how to help kids in crisis in my church so it was all Bible-based and the whole youth conference is the same religion and we all share the same values. This instructor was friendly and I could relate to him. We talked about many topics like divorce and drugs and gangs. It wasn't until we started talking about depression that I began to feel really uncomfortable. I felt my eyes watering and had to step out of the room to calm myself because I didn't wnat to get upset in front of everyone in the seminar. I suffered from depression. I suffered from depression from a particularly upsetting break-up. There's a whole story behind that: I wasn't close to my dad growing up, I always felt unwanted and rejected, I was mildly depressed when I was younger and began to compulsively eat to deal with these emotions. By the time I was 18 I was 200 pounds and had low self esteem. I decided to lose weight by exercising and diet when I was 19. I was asked out by a guy after I lost weight and he took advanatge that I had never had a boyfriend before. He pushed me to get engaged with him when I was 19 and he was 27. He was possessive, controling, and threatened to hurt himself if I left him. I eventualy did break up with him. Yet, afterwards I became completley depressed because I had given him my virginity and I had acted out of my value system and I felt worthless. I felt even worse when I found out my father was still talking to my ex. He felt sorry for him because my ex was also an illegal immigrant, and my dad was once an illegal immigrant too from Mexico before he met my mom and married her and became a U.S. citizen. I felt my dad betrayed me. I felt he didn't defend me when I needed him too. When he found out I had sex with my ex, he blamed me and yelled at me and wanted to kick me out of the house and he didn't say anything about my ex suffering any consequences or him even being angry at my ex for what happened. I am not over this. It wasn't until I was in this seminar and the guy next to me said if a guy ever hurt his daughter he'd crucify him that I really felt all this past devastation renewing itself. I wanted to arrange a session with this instructor because I feel he'd really be able to connect with my dad since they both share a language and explain to my dad how much this hurt me and how much he hurt me and how much I felt he failed me when I needed him most. However, this instructor lives in Michigan. I don't know what to do. I want to arrange a session with a spanish speaking doctor for my parents and I, but one whom I can trust and who I have already talked to. I don't know if I call this guy if he can talk to all 3 of us over the phone or how it can be arranged. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you
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female
reader, ingotblue  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 In the bible it says "Ask and ye shall recieve" ask this instructor if he would be interested in "coaching" you and your parents.
Explain to him that you havent spoken to your parents as of yet but you are hoping to broach them about the subject.
Then when you speak to your mum and dad you have to bring it up in a non defencive manner, just explain to them that you have issues and that you need to talk to them but you feel you cant unless there is a mediator.
I hope this gives you ideas
Good luck
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