A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So life has been pretty hard. I moved from public school where I was failing to a private school that then ran us dry of money to now distant learning. Along this choice of doing distant learning was because of my social life. For years I was dancing in SAB/NYCB around level 3 I was held back "due to my age" they said. Everything I have started I have started really too early...i started school and ballet. Once held back I was with the "rich snobby sucking up kids" I couldnt fit in. 3 years go by and teachers attention start to dwindle on me im paying just for exercise is seems. This actually as I have found getting nothing from the teacher no praise or cricism hurt me. in my begining level 5th(i was in 8th grade) I was diagnosed with sclorosis and bad. Previously in 7th grade I has already been diagnosed with it and was wearing a night brace for my 28 degree. A few months after though the doctor stopped taking our insurance. It took a year to find a new doctor who did by then my back had increased to 38 degrees 2 degrees from surgery. He recommended I do the day brace as the after math of the surgery isnt pleasant and has months of bed rest. This decision took ballet out, which I was fine with as I wasnt happy there anymore.8th grade is hard enough and added I had to wear baggy tee-shirts and in the winter though I was safe as everyone wore sweatshirts to stay warm. Summer comes along and im wearnig baggy tee-shirts and my skin isnt coperating with all the heat and sweat. I wanted to get back into something physical at least once a week that would allow my 2 hours out. Thanks to my friend I joined a riding program and loved it after the session I moved on to private lessons. I still had the brace and it was till 2006 in september was a free from my misery but not I was a social outcast. Being trapped in 8th I forgot about myself and put everyone before me I tried to reach out as I felt it was my only way for people to accept me. The year of 9th more people came(my schoool/grade was small) total of 25 kids now was in my grade last year was only 15 and most I had known for years. My one best friend for years I slipped from in 8th when i quit ballet and gained a new one close. 9th grade though she was the center of attention and everyone wanted her as their friend leaving me in the dust. The only place I felt comfortable was at the barn where my heart belonged.After 9th grade our money was shot really low and still to this day I had to take on a job at my barn to pay for one of my lessons as we couldnt afford what I wanted. After 9th we found distant learning a new approach but not back in public. My dad though has never had a good temper he outrages a lot throwing things around and yelling at me. I got behind in work (us not knowing this would be such a problem) durin g a crazy opera(singing) schedule. I have been working hard and my mom understands but my dad doesnt and he is the one at home. Anything I do is never enough he wants me to do more and it is taken everything out of me. My mom has arranged so that 2 lessons a day should be good. I finish those two lessons around 2:30 usually and start and sometimes finish a third and I want a longer break but he says no. He says I must do 3 more lessons that day because I am behind. He does know that my mom and I have worked out the schedule and recently has been making me feel the lowest of low. In June we are off to Cali(first time for me) so my dad can see his mother one last time for her 90th birthday. As a threat he says "You are goin to ruin the whole trip if you dont get this work done" but as my mom and I schedule im not going to be done until July 1st. My mom even heard it and told him he did say it but he denied it and said he never said that to me (which made me upset cause I know how much he does want to go). He yells at me now saying all the time it isnt enough he wont even let me go out around 7:00 pm to go somewhere with my own mom. He has taken control of my life and im sick of it everything I do doesnt seem enough I feel the same at the barn but that is just because of the past and now that I force this pressure on me my mom is my only comfort place sadly she is the one that works(dad looking)I am really sorry this is so long but I needed to get it out it also helps with my problem....I am overrun and want to get out and try to stay calm but i dont know how please help?P.S telling you my story has already made me feel a bit better
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 I am really sorry for what you are going thru. Sometimes life can be so hard that we might feel like no one understands what we are going through anymore. You are very lucky your mom understands and she is very supportive of you. Maybe your dad after everything that you went through he had been trying to be the stronger one, the provider. Unfortunately after acting so tough throughout the years reality is catching up with him and he starting to act out.
Tell me did your family ever go for counseling while you were busy with your therapy? Because the way I see it your family went and is still going through a lot because of your condition although you seemed to be dealing with it in the best possible way you can but you seem distraught about it.
I think your dad misses your grandmother and he thinks if he can be hard on you it will make you want to finish your lessons early just for him as you said he has to see her for the last time. Unfortunately what he doesn’t realise is that the way he is going about it, its totally wrong. Do you ever sit with your father and discuss this? Do you know how he is feeling about visiting his mother for the last time? What is wrong with her anyway that makes you think it’s a final visit? If she is dying just imagine if you were in his shoes.
Instead of feeling this resentment towards him try to reach out to him, when you are sick and staying behind with your school work its not only you who is hurting as a parent he is hurt and the fact that he cant protect u from all the pain you had to go through im sure its painful for him remember our parents are there to protect us and maybe he feels like he failed you. Reach out to him by just a little thank you for being your father and watch his reaction. If he doesn’t acknowledge the gesture then you will definitely know he is truly overreacting and he needs help before he looses it.
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