A
female
age
30-35,
*attie90
writes:hi everyone i have a question that invloves any guy that i know! when i was 13 my dad beat me physcically and mentally and always lied cheated on my mom! i really believe that ever since then i cant trust a guy because i believe that the guys i hang out with might do it like my boyfriend gets very physical when angry and i sometimes believe he might hurt me but he said he never would touch me like that ever ok thats good but i doubt it because when we get into a fight i act like a smart ass and that pisses him off. i dont know what to do should i just trust what they say unless i have a reason not to trust them!? is there some kind of exercise that helps calm ppl down when mad that can control their anger? what can someone do 2 try and control their anger excluding a therapist! i need help im worried that i might get beat again but not by my dad by a friend or my bf? help me please thank you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, burrr +, writes (18 May 2010):
i think the biggest mistake people make when they fight is that they say, do, act out everything and anything that just pushes them apart. And it's like those two people deep down in their hearts, while they are fighting and spewing out a bunch of angry non sense and bullshit that doenst really mean much in the long run, those two people really just want to be like "listen i love you and care about you so much, you mean the world to me, i dont wana fight with you, i was just hurt or upset about this.....or that...." . If I just spoke the truth while I was angry and spoke it from my heart, then I wouldn't have burned so many bridges in my lifetime. I'm a 19 year old male, I too was beat on by my father and abondaned for a couple years by him, so I understand both how you feel and possibly the anger your boyfriend feels. You should talk to him, I know if you were my girlfriend and you talked to me about it, i would completely understand, and i take it since you are dating their is some love or ALOT of love between you two, he will probably never get physcial with you again, i know i wouldn't
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): hi. just because your dad abused you and your mom, doesnt mean you should be afraid every boy will hurt you like that. just know that no boy no matter who they are has any right to hit a girl. doesnt matter how upset they are, thats no reason to physically abuse a female. if you are scared your boyfriend might hit you one day, talk to him. and if he ever does hit you, thats the first clue telling you that you need to end the relationship. because if you dont, youll regret it, and that puts your life in danger. in a relationship there shouldnt be physical abuse anyway. i hope what i said helps. bye.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 May 2008):
 First of all, your dad is your dad. Because he's a guy should not be attached to that issue. If it was your mom, you'd be afraid of women, if it was barney, you'd be afraid of purple dinasaurs.
What is an issue is abuse characteristics. You said he's physical when he's angry. He'd be more likely to hurt someone, than someone who isn't physical when angry.
All though we don't want to assume people's behavior. It's okay to set your boundaries ahead of time. Such as: "I know you said you'd never hurt me. Let me tell you where I stand. If there came a time where you try to control me, hit me, call me names, put me down, or cause me to be afraid, this relationship will be ended immediately, no negotiating or second chances."
It might not hurt either to mention that if his anger turns to violence, he could be arrested as well.
I know it sounds a bit harsh, but when it comes to your own safety, sometimes you have to let someone know where your position on that subject is. No one has the right to hurt you physically, sexually, or mentally, period. If they do, it's time to say goodbye. With abuse, there is no "it will never happen again." That's a line of crap. What it should say is "it won't happen until I get angry again." that would be a much more truthful statement.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): first i think when your dad is not home and your mom is tell her about what had happed when you where 13 and tell her about your dad cheating and lying to her but make sure that your are there when you tell he because she will cry no matter what. and as for the trust issue tell your mom that to. moms are amazing as long as you tell them they will help you the most. so just tell him. oh and make sure you got a couple of hours before your dad comes home. i hoped i helped. and good luck.
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