A
female
age
41-50,
*utsybish
writes:I have an unusual situation. I have an awesome boyfriend and an ex-husband whom I get along with great.Here it goes...I have an ex-husband and we have three children together. I have a boyfriend that I have been dating nearly 3 years. My ex was away at a boot camp for 2 years and is now back. So, for two years, he (my ex) wasn't available to call and talk much. Now that he's back in the children's lives, he is in the picture more than before. My ex and I are the happiest divorced couple I know, we get along great. There is no interest in one another in "that way" anymore, we've made that clear. My boyfriend gets snippy and crabby when my ex and I talk (1-3 times a week). Generally it's about our kids. There are times he calls and it's not about the kids. For instance, last night he called. He has taken my computer so he can transfer his stuff (pictures, files, etc.) to his own computer and came across some funny and goofy pictures of my boyfriend and I, then some old pictures of the kids, etc. He called to give me some "friendly trouble" about the pictures. Our conversation lasted less than a minute and I got off the phone. My boyfriend got snippy. He said he (my ex) didn't need to call me for anything except stuff to do with the kids. I said usually when he calls it's about the kids and if I had known it wasn't, I wouldn't had answered the phone. We went to bed, back to back. Before we fell asleep I told him I was sorry the he (the ex) had called and felt bad he was upset over it. Putting myself in his shoes, I'd probably feel the same way. I don't know how to handle the situation. I don't want to ruin my friendship with my ex or tell him not to call unless it pertains to the girls. But I don't want these little things get in the middle of my relationship with my boyfriend. I do care for him very much.Any advice?
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 I think you need to lay your cards on the table with your bf and say how much you care about him and the fact that you don't want to sour your relationship with your ex by saying how much your bf can't handle him being back in your life.
He is your EX and your bf needs to understand that, he is feeling insecure as your ex was not around for so long and he now feels threatened as you have a good relationship with your ex and that is the way it should be if you need to discuss things about your children.
Your ex may well feel very alone as he has come back from boot camp and probably doesn't know many people locally and he is sharing old times with you. OK so he may have been a bit off by looking at pictures of you and your bf but he had your computer so he saw them.
Maybe suggest to your bf some you and him time and let your ex have your children for a while so you can have some special time together and maybe he may see the benefits of having your ex around rather than seeing him as a threat.
You will always have a connection with your ex as you have three children together and your ex needs to address this.
Being hostile or creating an argument with your ex is not fair on your children and your bf needs to understand that.
BFN
Country Woman
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