A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This hurts so bad. And to warn you guys this might be a long post. So this guy and I have been dating for almost three months. I love him, I really do. However I still talk to an ex of mine. Now let me just make this clear...I do love my ex, but we are just friends! That's all nothing more and nothing less. My ex is just someone I know who will be around, regardless of what I say or do. I guess that's why I keep him around. And not to mention he was also my first, he took my virginity, he was my first real relationship and he was also a first guy I actually loved. I told my current X this, and he freaked out. I repeatly tried to explain to him but he just wouldn't let it go. I also told my current ex that I cheated on my X. Which was quite a few times. I was young and he wasn't satisfying me sexually so I was seeking else where. And if you'd like to know how he knows all of this, its because I told my current X. I didn't want to start our relationship off full of secrets. And also, in the beginning of us talking, I was trying to scare him off and it didn't work. Anywho, we got into this big argument. To me it seemed like I had to choose him or my ex. Which for me is something I can't do. My ex has always been there for me, he's practically like my best friend. And my current X I love him, and I actually want him in my life forever. He makes me feel good. I've never felt this way about someone, and I'm slowly loosing him (which is something I want to prevent before its too late). So during our argument he was actually being rude showing his heartless side. I can tell that during this argument he has completely put his guard up. Which means he's going to be a complete jerk. To make matters worse I hung out with my ex on thursday. It was completely innocent. I was practically talking about my current X the whole time. And my ex was happy for me. I told my current X about this and he just flipped out. He totally just turned off his emotions for me. To make a long story short he was being a jerk to me and he and I deleted each other out of our lives. However, I still had a few saved text messages so I gave this one more shot. There was another argument. He basically told me that there's nothing we can do to fix this and that he has through his feelings out of the window.Almost done...Now I'll summarize his point of view before you tell me that he's a jerk off. He's bee in three serious relationships before me, each girl has cheated on him and moved on to their ex. He fears or feared that I would do the same thing which I didn't.Now I'm done.What's next? Should I leave it alone? Or give him sometime and make my decision until then. I still love him. I was actually falling inlove with him..
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Oxymorons are funny.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): unfortunantly you cant always have the best of both worlds. some people do not like the idea of being friends with ex's especially when you say you love him and your bf had a signature behaviour that makes him insecure about ex's, etc. when people are hurt by things like this they start to expect it to happen again. its not always on a concious level that this happens.
maybe your bf wanted to be the guy who was always there for you, since he was your bf, but instead your ex was that person.
you have the right to be friends with whoever you choose dont get me wrong. but he can object and leave you which he has.
you gotta figure out if your friendship with your ex is worth losing bf over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): I have to agree with Rescuer in saying that the problem here is you, not them.
For starters you are giving out too much information. When you announce to a new boyfriend that you have cheated on the last you are basically telling him not to expect much from you, that you are neither loyal, nor discreet. Do you see tv ads informing potential customers of how often the product has failed? Does Exxon remind their clients of the oil spill? If they marketed their wares the way you market yourself they'd never sell anything.
Second, making a fresh start means just that. Talking about the past keeps us locked in the past and more likely to repeat mistakes of the past. If you want to move forward, talk about the future.
Keeping exes in the picture is seldom a good idea. And it's generally never a good idea to inform a new suitor how much you loved your ex and how much of a lasting impression they've made on you. How is he supposed to compete with that? How would you like to live with some other woman's ghost hanging over your head?
You cannot be so naive as to not realise how often people have cheated with or returned to a former flame they still had feelings for. New suitors have good reason to be concerned about your ongoing relationships with former boyfriends.
Which brings me to my final point. I suspect the infidelity and these ongoing relationships with your exes are more about attention than about bad sex or accepting you for who you are. It is flattering to you, certainly, but not to other people's perception of you.
The one you had the argument with...leave him alone. He's in the past. In fact leave all of them alone and start fresh.
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