A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm thirteen but I am a late bloomer so I only just started puberty. My problem is when I masturbate I have mainly gay fantasies or videos playing. That is not always but my favorites are 2 guys 1 girl. I know that should mean I'm gay but when it comes to real life I only have crushes and have only dated girls. My family and community are very open and everyone loves everyone but I do not want to be gay. I have thought about me being in a gay situation and it discussed me ( no offense, I am very supportive of the gay movement tho) but when I think about my girlfriend I am happy. I think it boils down to I don't like seeing the girls in porn be objects because I am a gentlemanI do not know what I am and I need you're advice about what I am and how to proceed
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): Your feelings are normal, especially, at your age. What your fantasies, imaginations, and porn preferences doesn't dictate your sexuality. Sexuality isn't something that is defined by others, for it should be best defined by you.
I know when I was growing up (23 now), I watched porn gay or straight, it didn't matter. I don't believe it influenced my sexuality (bisexual), but part of me always wished I never looked at it until I was older. Sure, I cannot truly say if my life would be better if I grew up without it around your age, but it could have made things clearer. I would at least recommend putting it on the back-burner and view it less frequently.
Your feelings are nothing to be afraid of. Maybe you really do have some interest in guys, maybe not. What matters is that you stick with what you personally feel with people around you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 February 2013):
A boy starting puberty at 13 is not a late bloomer… it’s normal.
Having gay fantasies does not make you gay. Liking gay porn does not make you gay or bi although at your age porn is not a good idea… and you need to know that real life is very different from what you see in porn….
What you are is a young teen with surging hormones…. I’d cut out the porn because it can create performance problems later on in life and because it does not give you a realistic view of relationships and that's what you need now.... and just stick to what you think about… and relax and enjoy….
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): This is completely normal! Extremely few people are 100% turned on my one gender and not the other (though many people pretend differently..), don't feel you have to define your sexuality, just embrace it, a lot of people are like this, both men and women, it's just one of the aspects of your sexuality.
Also porn can be an outlet for things we don't necessarily actually desire in real life, ie many people like to watch s&m yet the actual act they hate, seriously, just because it gives you a reaction on a computer screen doesn't necessarily mean anything else.
Don't worry about having to put a label on yourself ie. gay/straight, and really as long as you like dating girls, this means nothing
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