A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm sure this has happened to people a million times before but this is the first time for me. Quite simply, the boy I've had a crush on for two years has just gotten a girlfriend. He likes her very much - he is constantly preoccupied, staring into space, smiling randomly, with her every time he can get. I want to be with him so badly - or just stay as his friend. He gives me practically no attention because he likes his new girlfriend so much (understandably). I'm not the sort of person that would steal him from her; I realize that relationships don't last forever and I'm willing to let it run its course. However, he's changing colleges next year to be with her and I might never get another chance with him. I like him so much...I don't see how I can be without him. I know this is somewhat immature, as I will obviously find someone else in the future. What should I do? I'm shy, so it will be hard to tell him if I like him. How should I get close to him - and should I?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 May 2017):
 It seems you have missed your chance, this is what happens when we are not honest to people about how they feel.
You say relationships don't last forever, but some actually do therefore I think you need to accept that you missed your chance, learn that if you like someone to tell them and move on from him.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (26 May 2017):
 You actually sound like a sensible young lady, so I think you KNOW the answers to this one as you have touched on them all in your post.
Given your age, I suspect this has probably been your first major crush so, quite understandably, you feel upset that your daydreams have suddenly come crashing down around you.
You were probably not mature enough to have a proper relationship with this guy and he was "safe" daydream material, hence why you never made your feelings known to him. However, you are now at an age where you need to get past the daydreaming/crushing and go out and have relationships with guys until you find one you want to stay with. If your shyness is an obstacle, then you need to work on that.
You are mature enough to realize that, statistically, this relationship will probably not last forever. You are also mature enough to understand your feelings regarding this guy are a bit immature.
You CAN live without him because you will HAVE to when he moves away. In your shoes I would not attempt to stay in any sort of contact with him as that will just prolong your longing for him and stop you moving on.
You are now an adult. Learn from this and, next time you like someone, make it obvious. You don't have to march up to them and snog their face off or announce you think they are wonderful; just be nice, smile, chat, be pleasant, and maybe even suggest going for a drink or something else light.
Good luck. I am sure you will look back on this episode in your life in years to come and smile with fondness at the memories. You are young, you have your life ahead of you. Go and live it and enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2017):
 You already had two years to get close to him and ample time to confess your feelings while he was single. Now that ship has sailed. You need to cut down contact with him now. You like him as more than friends, so its not fair to pretend to be his friend, and it will just hurt your feelings to stick around. By cutting contact you will give yourself space to move on. And trust me, you will move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2017): It's time to grow-up and move on. You're past crushing now.
Over the span of two years he never noticed you, and you never really made yourself available and accessible. Shyness can be your worst enemy. You shouldn't idolize or fawn over people; it isn't healthy. You have to have a realistic perspective.
Your paths must have crossed a few times in that span of time; so it might be reasonable to say he wasn't paying any attention or just wasn't interested.
You'll get over it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 May 2017):
 IF you have had a crush on him for 2 years you have had PLENTY of time to let him know how you feel but you didn't act on it and NOW that he HAS a GF you want to act? How does that make sense?
You really want to be "THAT" girl?
And not to kick you while you are down, but if he was even the slightest interested in you don't you think HE would have made a move in those 2 years? So if you DO try and make a move I think you will be rejected and then what?
There are PLENTY of other guys out there. SINGLE guys.
Next time you crush on someone don't wait 2 years for something to come of it.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 May 2017):
 No.
He has a GF, you had your chance to ask him out but you never. He is happy now, so leave him to it. It isn't fair on him or his GF for you to start interfering.
How do you live without him? You already are doing, you're not together.
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