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female
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*zleah2u
writes: I was have always felt a connection to my "cousin", his mother is my mothers half or step sister, (still unsure as to which). But recently we were at a family event together and when he left I felt a deep saddness and come to find out so did he. Afterwards we went our seperate ways but kept in contact over the phone over the next several days. In that time, we discussed how we felt when we saw each other and that there was always this "connection" and now that we are all grown up there is a physical attration too. I am unsure as to what we should do, should we just suppress the feelings and not speak or should we try to see where this could go? We are both available and both are curious. What do we do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2006): I am with my cousin,we also met at a family party for the first time when I was 16. we were on and off at the beggining due to family might find out and we didnt know if it was legal in our country (UK). when we seperated for the millionth time lol we didnt see eachother for about a year. then i went shopping and realised he worked in the shop i was in as soon as we looked at each other we felt the same feelings as before, and now in july we would have been together for 2 years :D and im so happy and so is he. we are totally in love, my mum knew before his mum did my mum was a little funny with it at first but she realised i was happy, (this was about after 3 months of being together) then christmas just gone my boyfriend told his mum that he is in love with me, and she was happy for him (his mum was totally horrible about it) soon we will be moving in together and i cant wait, so give it a go. and if your families are just wanting to see you happy then what harm could it do?? (no one can tell you what to do in your relationships!) good luck!!! :D
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female
reader, MissMo +, writes (24 March 2006):
i'd pursue things, just to see how well you two get along and what kind of physical chemistry you have, but keep it just between the two of you. If you really feel that you're falling in love, then most likely your families are going to find out. it'll be looked on as weird, but whatever.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): From what you've written, I don't think this "cousin" qualifies a being too closely related for you two to have a relationship by law. The various states in America have different degrees of separation for physical relationships by blood relatives, so check it out on google.com. Any relationship between you two may be more of a problem for your other relatives as was already mentioned. If that's the case, the choice is yours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): Believe it or not, the incest taboo has more to do with power than breeding. Incestuous relationships tend to be a bad idea only when there's a power difference in the relationship, say between a parent and child, or even between an older and younger sibling. If you and your cousin don't have much of a pre-existing relationship for a power dynamic to have even formed, then there isn't much difference between your (theoretical) relationship and that of strangers meeting. You may be interested to know that there is a latent incestuout impulse within families which gets trained out by exposure, as evinced by adoptees reunited with their parents or with distant relatives feeling an attraction. We are all naturally attracted to our own genes.
In spite of all this, realize that pursuing your cousin probably will endanger relationships with the rest of the family. If you are very serious about this, as in if you think that you may feel something stronger than just that biological, programmed attraction (read up on it if you want), then there are "intrafamily marriage" advocacy groups who can provide you with better advice.
Whatever you do, think it over carefully.
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