A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There’s a girl at work who is around 28/29 whom I shall call “Lucy.” We share a few things in common. She can make you laugh with absurd sarcastic comments when feeling down, but most times, she makes you feel inadequate with her critical putdowns and bleak demeanour. I’m a realist, and take things as they come. People often say they wish they looked as enthused and happy as me.A few months ago, we hung out more frequently, but I got sick of comments such as “You’re too sensitive. You’re childish. You’re weird." Not once did she apologise for putting me down, and eventually, I didn’t talk to her for about a month. In the time I spent with her, I felt miserable as though she was constantly judging me. I started rebuilding the bridges. When I told her that I’m aware of my flaws and will work on them in my own time, she screwed up her face in an inscrutable expression but has never apologised. Lucy is generally liked in our department as people think her sarcastic one-liners are funny, but she is prone to bouts of verbal abuse over little things. Recently, a few of us were sat down for lunch and one of my friends asked me what kind of noodle was in this Chinese-style soup. Lucy butted in before I could respond; saying just because I’m Eurasian doesn’t mean I know everything about Chinese cuisine. It was a reasonable comment, but the way she said it was extremely aggressive. The atmosphere around the table became very tense, and it was embarrassing when Lucy began swearing, telling everyone to “eff off” repeatedly. I think the only reason why she apologised to them later on was because everyone disapproved of her behaviour. Our supervisor wasn't there.There have been other incidents involving other people, but they tend to overlook it, thinking it’s a quirky thing. I’ve asked her if there’s anything bothering her, but she either says “Nothing. I’m fine” or “Eff off.”Lately, she’s been treating me like I’m stupid. Even when she’s friendly, she occasionally finishes off with the word, “Div,” or some other slur. I have a good sense of humour, not minding a bit of playful insults and am happy to share a certain task, but being told to “Do this. Send this out for me” in a patronising way is uncalled for as there is a limit. The other day, she began ranting, giving me abuse, when I passed some work back to her and said that it’s not beyond her abilities to do it. It felt awkward, but in a way, it made me feel stronger for not caving in. What's upsetting is how she likes to pontificate about being non-judgemental and complains about other people being talked down to, but then practises the exact opposite. With her interest in New Age stuff, active support for vegetarianism and anti-capitalism, you would think she would be a nice, tolerant person to have around. It’s okay for her to be nasty to you because she’s thinks in the right, but as soon as someone reciprocates, she starts off a cussing match, insulting their intelligence, insensitivity, etc.Her parents are Sunni and Shi’ite and she still lives at home. What is unusual for her age as someone from Pakistan/Kashmir (the latter country is disputed, but it’s where her parents come from) is that she’s unmarried. My parents have suggested that she could be under pressure to marry, or that she may have an inferiority complex. I know she dropped out of uni early due to her mother falling sick.Some people at work think I’m being sensitive, but if they invested quality one-to-one time with her instead of exchanging the odd bit of banter at work, I don’t think they’d enjoy her company as much with her always bitching about work, people (specifically them), how much she hates it, etc, and her perpetual snarling expression.I’ve thought about writing a letter to explain how my feelings, but when her “quirks” have been pointed out previously, she gets defensive and scornful, accusing people of not being thick-skinned, or whatever. Another option would be to speak to my supervisor, and ask her to have a polite word with Lucy.What are people’s thoughts on this?
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