A
female
age
30-35,
*isS_Lonely19
writes:I am currently staying with my daughters dad, in which he lives with his parents. everything was going great until we started arguing and now he is extremely aggressive. he punches me in my legs and threatens to kill me over the smallest arguments. I then proceed to tell him that im done and he then tells me he loves me and he cares and basically will not leave me alone when hes home. he now doesnt come home, in which he tells me he is moving in with some girl hes talking to. we had a talk and i asked him why he tells me he loves me when we argue and he says that he doesnt know right now. we could talk and he just says that we argue too much and that i need to get my crap together first. i am very confused and i am losing self-esteem becuase he wont even give me a break from taking care of our daughter, who he barely even sees and we live together...but he says he loves her too. im sooooooo confused and i want out but im stuck because i live with him and I cant work without having a babysitter and He wont help! someone please im losing it and i just want to be happy again even if im nOt with him.basically im asking:does he love me and just too confused about it because we argue too much??or is he just controlling and pretty soon hes going to get worst than this???or does he even want me?? is this a game to him???i would deeply appreciate a response...thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): i am not a good role model don't follow me. i have been with an abusive man since i was fourteen. everyday i ask myself why. for years i've promised myself i'd get out... tommorow. but tomorow has never come,... seven years later tomorow just gets farther away and the abuse gets worse and worse. leave today. because if you wait for tomorow it may never come. i will end this with a poem I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any special day. We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn’t mean the things he said because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today, and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.© 1992 by Paulette Kelly
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Right hun, get out of there. There is no excuse for abuse. None at all.By hitting you, he is automatically threatening his kids at the same time because it shows that he can't control his actions.This whole "I love you" thing is because clearly, he's insecure and has to hit his women to control them and then tell them he loves them as another way of getting them to stay when the abuse didn't work and the woman stands up for herself.Sweetheart, please please please get out of there. I would suggest that you go and stay with a friend or your parents, wherever, just leave. While he's out, pack you and your daughter's bags and leave. You don't need to explain yourself. He threatened to kill you. Why should you explain yourself for leaving?!This man doesn't love you. He only tells you that so that you will stay. He's insecure and dangerous. For you and your kid's sake - Leave.I also agree with qcumbr1. You could go to a shelter, but just as long as you get out of there as soon as you can. He broke the trust when he hit you. He had his chance, he blew it. He put you and your child in danger and shouldn't be anywhere near you. Don't give him a second chance to hurt you again or put your child at risk.I wish you all the best.xx
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A
male
reader, B-NaneR  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 you should do whats best is what im saying, i hate hearing these storys, i dont respect men that think they can get away with this kind of treatment. you need someone that will treat you like a goddes, there are some out there i know that for sure its just you have to look a little harder but its all worth it. please dont put yourself through this, you dont deserve it! you deserve so much better. youre young still, im around the same age and im telling you that you have so much more, there is always someone out there. please dont do this to yourself.take care hun and do whats best for you and your daughter.
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