A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My kids father is a jackass, I have two kids by him one is four and the other is one....The amount of stress and drama this guy has brought in to my life is ridiculous and for the past 2 years I have been trying to get rid of him. I believe in children having there dads around and he knows that. I took him to court where I got full custoday but he has visitation rights. My eldest daughter been acting out since the birth of my youngest and she constantly beats on her sister. She is extremely frustrated. She wants to see her father but he barely makes anytime for them. But when he does he takes to to ramdom womens houses who he is having relationships with. It got to the point where my daughter kept begging me to ask her dad to stop kissing the girl infront of her. Our girls were sick and he dropped them off at the hospital with my daughter crying on him to stay. He is always turning his back on our kids. And when he comes pick them up her crosses the line with me. He will always grope my breast and squeeze me tight and I would continuously ask him to stop but he refuses too...the girls are observing all of this and neither of them like when I am asking him to stop...its not funny, he has another kid on the way by another woman now, and he has already said his time has to be split in two. I wish I had family around me or close to me but Im a single mother struggling day in and out with these kids and the extra stress he brings with the kids emotions is not helping, its extemely stressful and this is not all he does.Right now I am trying to relocate and move away to be around family he refuses to make me go with them. He does give me money for them but I would rather refuse the money and give my kids and myself that piece of mind. I even took them away for a couple months to see if my daughter`s behaviour will change and it did. I tested him because I know that he is not committed to these kids he just wants to harrass me. I told him that I will leave the girls with him and I am moving away since he doesnt want them to go. He tells me NO, its your job to look after them I wont allow you to go nowhere.How do I deal with this situation, its extremely stressful, I am 26 years old and I think he wants to put me in an early grave.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): This isn't they type of posting I would normally respond to, but I grew up without my father in my life because my mother thought it was best to keep him from me. I thought maybe my viewpoint would be helpful?? (Even though it may not be what you want to hear.)
I'll start by saying that my dad is/was a jerk. No doubt about it. But I desperately wanted a relationship with him and the fact that my mom kept me from him became a wedge between my mother and me. Also, I didn't realize he was a jerk until I was an adult and could see things clearly. So as a kid, all I knew was that my mom kept telling me he was a jerk.
From the day our children are born, we go on about how they have mom's nose, and dad's eyes, and children know they're "half mom, half dad." If we go around saying "Dad's an a-hole," then we should see how this affects the kids? If he's not a nice person, I'm half of that?!
As a result of my situation, as an adult and as a daughter, I feel that it's all children's right to know both parents, even if they're not nice people or good parents or whatever. As an adult and a PARENT, I feel like my children's well being is my responsibility.
So it may be hard to balance, but I think the kids should be able to know their father (if they want to) but not be put in situations that make them feel uncomfortable or harm them, etc.
I don't know how you can do that in your case. But that's my opinion. Hope everything turns out okay for your kids.
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