A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please somebody help me I need urgent expert advice! I just walked in on my 6 year old son watching a porn dvd.The dvd was one my boyfriend gave me for a laugh lastweek, I tossed it in the back of a draw without looking. I left my son watching a cartoon in his room, he shouted down asking could he change the dvd and I shouted back yes without thinking.I went up ten minutes ago and he blocked the bedroom door saying 'I'm just watching a dvd,give me a hug and you can carry on watching tele downstairs'. I imediatly for suspicious and asked to go in, he got shifty and said 'I just changed the dvd' I asked which one and he said 'one of mine'. I insisted on going in to look and he then said 'okay I put in one of your dvds but please don't shout because its just one I found'.I'm horrified, he was upstairs for a good half hour. I'm trying not to panic but I am. I asked him to promise not to mention it to any of my neices or nephews who are his age and I also asked him never to watch it again. I said its a dvd I found and had hidden until I had chance to throw it in the bin. How on earth should I handle this? I'm mortified.
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male
reader, REAL GUY  +, writes (30 August 2011):
I was 8 when i watched my 1st porn video..i was at one of my dad's friends house they were babysitting me, next think i know they put a porn dvd on..i started watching it, they told me to go to the other room and that i shouldnt be watching this,,but i ignored them and i kept on watching it,,they didnt said anything..after that i had a lot of questions but i didnt ask anybody..in the dvd the girl was giving a blowjob to that guy and when the sperm came out i was like wtf.. But i never told my parents because i knew it was wrong,,,and as time passed i learned everything about porn....your son is embarresed because you caught him..so just act normal around him and dont mention anything of what happened,,he'll forget about it,,but if you make it a big deal then he'll suspect that there is something that you dont want him to know
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (30 August 2011):
At his age, he will not really understand what he was watching. It might have made some impression on him, but he won't really understand its meaning, so in the greater scheme of things this event is not likely to have any impact at all on his development.
What it does though is raise a lot of interesting questions around sex and sex education, pornography, and our feelings on an individual and social level. We often forget that sex is natural human behaviour, something to be enjoyed and shared not something to be associated with the degree of shame and fear that it is in our society. Our children learn a lot about sex from the way we as adults respond to their questions, and situations around sex and sexual behaviours. In a lot of cases similar to yours, children who accidently view porn can be shouted at and punished through the embarrassment and shame of the parent. The parent's responses have a much bigger impact than the viewing of the porn, which is viewed from a neutral, curious perspective from a child's point of view.
If you can, have a conversation with your child, whilst feeling normal about it, without you feeling any shame or embarrassment, just a matter of fact converation. Ask him about what he saw, what he thought about what he saw, explain that it was an adult behaviour so he might not have understood what was going on, ask him if he has any questions about what he saw. Ask him if he thought you would be angry, if he thought he shouldn't be watching it, and explain that you aren't angry, and that it is for adults to watch because children are too young to watch it, but that it isn't his fault that he watched something that is meant for adults, and that it isn't wrong, and that it isn't his fault, that it is fine that it happened. Take that kind of attitude and approach, see how you go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): I find it interesting that his knowledge is even developed enough to recognise porn as something you want to keep private and discreet when you watch it.I agree, don't make too big a deal out of it. Just tell him that was a special video for parents who love each other very much and he'll understand more when he's older. And then tell him that he shouldn't watch it again because it's not allowed for children.Then put some Pokemon on and BAM! Forgotten in ten seconds.I must say though, you have an intelligent kid there is he already knows that it's not the done thing to let your family in on your porn viewing habits. :PFlynn 24
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 I think because he was being secretive he knew that it was somehow wrong. So he's not treating it like he didn't have any understanding at all. If he hadn't tried to cover up, I'd agree that it could be forgotten. But since he was aware at least on some level that he shouldn't be watching, I think person12345's suggestions are spot on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): Luckily because he's only 6, he doesn't understand what it was. He'll probably forget all about it in a couple of weeks. As long as you're calm and normal with him, and he doesn't actually seem like he was affected by it, it should be fine. Just make sure he doesn't get hold of it again.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Now that the cat's out of the bag the worst possible thing you can do is act ashamed or scared and ESPECIALLY do not act angry or punish him. It's hard, but you need to sit your son down and explain everything he just saw. Tell him you're not angry and you're sure he's confused about what that was and allow him to ask you questions about what it was. You need to explain to him that that is not what real life is like. You need to basically take some deep breaths and act calmly (in his presence anyways). Make sure he knows you're available to answer any of his questions and that he will not ever be in trouble for coming to you for advice about this. I'm sorry this happened, unfortunately it's not possible to undo so you'll just have to take the opportunity to educate him about it (like that porn is not how sex is, that what he sees in porn is not realistic, etc...).
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A
male
reader, Thelaird1 +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Ouch. I think this is something that is best trying to forget. He will soon forget what he saw, so don't even mention it to him. If he mentions it to you, just say you will explain when he is older. This will soon be forgtten
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): It is worrying ,but not as much as you think.Kids watch things but don't understand.If he asks questions, best to seek professional counselling, but 9 times out of 10, if you don't make a big deal of it , the boy isn't.Keep it low profile, but he might need to be drawn out by what he has seen by a professional counsellor to make sure he is not too upset or distraught.That's what i would do.
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