A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:An ex that I dated about three or four years ago, says that I am not being "Christian" because, I refuse to take him back, because, I refuse to call and talk to him and because, I refuse to go out with him and pretend like we are "friends." I have forgiven this guy because, he hurt me emotionally and mentally---it was so bad that I had to attend a counseling session to wrap my mind around how this situation happened. I believe up until that point, he was the first man I ever call myself falling head over heels for and just to give you a background of some of the things he did are as follows: 1. He cheated2. He talked bad about me behind my back to co-workers and friends.3. He pushed me one time and bit me only to laugh about it later and say that he was "playing around." 4. He put my health at risk by having unprotected sex with other woman and his ex with whom I found out later had given him not one, not two, but three sexually transmitted dis. in the past (well, that's what he told me). 5. He would tell me things like I wasn't who he wanted physically speaking, that I had to have nice toes, that he wanted his son to be "light skinned" that he didn't want a woman making more than him because, he wanted to be the provider and he said other mean and hurtful things....things I would rather not repeat. 6.He would go back and forth with his love--one moment he loves me the next moment he doesn't, the next moment he loves me and two other women, the next moment he doesn't. And he did a host of other mean and horrible things before finally leaving me eight months later for the woman he thought was the mother of his child (one year later he discovered that the baby wasn't his and he had been caring for her for three years--before birth). He did it in such a mean and callous way that I was so shocked and even though I am over what he, I still rem. the harsh emotionally and mental pain I felt when this happened to me. Now fast fowarding three to four years later, the guy is literally stalking me! He wrote a handwritten letter and left it in the mailbox of my parents house about one year after he left me, he started contacting my siblings on Facebook to find out information about me, I found out he went to the old apartment complex I lived in when were were together and would slip letter under the apartment door where I once lived, he would also be seen outside that same building crying and begging for me to respond and to give him another chance. Now just recently I discovered he works down the block from where I do and every time he sees me in the morning when I'm on my way to work, it's the same, sob sad story of him wanting me back, he wants to marry me, he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he realizes now that he is in love with me and blah, blah, blah----but just three years ago, I recall him saying to be that he never loved me, that he was never going to be with me, that he didn't see a future with me, he was so wrapped up in an ex of his the one he cited was suppose to have been his wife and so forth and so on. The bottom line is this: it took me about one year to get over what he did to me, I forgave him and moved on and I don't love him, I don't want to be with him, I don't want to be friends with him, I don't want to go out with him, I don't want anything from him. He says that I should be a good "Christian" and give him another chance as that is what God would want me to do, but I did give him several chances not only while we were together, but even when he left me--and each time I gave him a "chance" he proved every time that he hadn't changed--that he was no good so there is no reason for me to think otherwise now. And even if he has changed, I simply DON'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE, I'm not in love with him, I'm not even attracted to him and I have told him time and time again to move on with his life, I have told him that I forgave him and wished him the best, I have told him that he should find a woman he will be happy with, and not try to get back with a woman he mistreated and didn't see a future with when we were together---I have made it clear to him that he needs to forget about me every going back to him and just move on with his life. YET every time I see him, it's this big drama scene, crying, flowers, he has even touched me without my permission. HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT. And it's getting to be annoying because, for one, I want him to respect my wishes and stop trying to contact me, stop contacting my family and stop it with these drama scenes and trying to influence me to fell like I'm not a "moral" person simply because, I have ZERO interest in him at this point in my life. Others have said I should give him another chance, but I know deep down inside of me that this man is NOT the one for me and I don't want him back ever again----am I wrong for not wanting to take him back or be "friends" with him? Please shed some light on this situation please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): "My cheating ex says I am not a "Good Person" because, I refuse to take him back."
So? Who gives a fuck what the little piece of shit thinks?
"HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT"
Actually OP, you're the one who doesn't get it. Believe it or not you're still his bitch by allowing him to even be able to talk to you.
Why haven't you told him to fuck off yet?
I'm sorry OP but it seems to me you like playing the victim here but you're not a victim here, you must like the attention or you would have put a stop to it.
Know what my girlfriend would in your situation? She would have told him to fuck off years ago, 4 years you've allowed this douchebag to control you and harass you.
My girlfriend would have told him fuck off ages ago, if he put a letter in her parents letter box, she would have gotten her parents to tell him to fuck off, if he tried approaching her on the street she would have told her friends, including me about it and we would have had a nice little "chat" with him about how he is very close to meeting his god face to face. If that didn't work she'd go to the cops and take legal action.
4 years you've put up with this psycho, how long more is it going to take for you to woman up and put a stop to this? This guy is a fucking nutcase OP, he's not even a Christian, he's one of those fruitloops who hears voices and then thinks it's god or some shit.
You need to take serious measures to get rid of this guy, as soon as possible. He's probably the type of guy who will walk into your work place with a shotgun because "god" told him to.
I'm sorry to have to say this and I mean no offence but all I see here is a woman who loves the attention and who is complaining about nothing because this situation is easily fixed yet for some reason you don't want to fix it. Well you've no right to complain then OP. You're not a victim you're a willing accomplice, so either get rid of the fucker or stop complaining about how hard he's making your life, he's not, you are by allowing this to continue.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): This guy has been emotionally abusive to you, and now he is trying to be spiritually abusive too. I am simply appalled that other people are telling you to get back with him. They are not your true friends.
"He says that I should be a good "Christian" and give him another chance as that is what God would want me to do"
He has SOME NERVE telling you what it means to be a "good Christian" - how would HE know, this guy of all people!! He is a liar, manipulator and a drama queen.
Ask him to show you where in the bible does it say that a 'good Christian' needs to get into a romantic relationship with someone who has betrayed and abused her. He can't, because it doesn't exist. Is it "Christian" to forgive? Yes of course. And you HAVE forgiven him. You don't bear him ill will, you wish him the best for his life. But WHERE in the bible does it say that forgiveness equals getting back into a romantic and sexual relationship with someone who betrayed you? No where does it say that. If he wants to use your religion against you, challenge him to prove it. He can't, because what he's saying is total rubbish.
Instead, you can quote back to him the bible verses that say divorce is allowed (not that you were even married to begin with!) in the case of adultery. So the bible is actually on YOUR side.
Of course, you could also take the approach of leaving religion out of this completely. and just tell him, "well if being a 'good Christian' means getting back together with you, then I'm just going to have to be a 'bad Christian', so, bye bye!!"
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (11 December 2012):
 Sounds like my old relationship plus or minus a few details. Once people realize they can use or man handle manipulate you,,, you become unchristian which I enjoy being now. Being unchrist like and not being there or some ones flunky means your mean and not going with the game or program. Eventually people outgrow trash and toxic people. Really the last straw is what breaks the camels back. When its over its over ling as you know thats whats important. Also if a love one husband wife what have you do certains things those are warnings take heed if them. Its a old saying god don't change neither do people. But they hope you change to fit what there plans are or would be. I had to learn love is pain. A very hard way and got battle scares to prove it. And I have a story to tell even If its told by others. Keeping it moving.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): LISTEN TO ME!!!!! You are a great person. I couldn't finish reading the crap that is going on in your life with this manipulative person. He is so trying to brainwash you. He is not worth anything, genuine. How dare he even bring up that your are not being very Christian for not taking him back. How dare him throw The Lord in this, with all the things that have happened. That is a very selfish, unforgiving, manipulative, evil, person who will not change by far. If you take him back you will get NOT THE SAME TREATMENT BUT WORSE. He is ruthless, he wants someone to take care of him and to manipulate like a puppet. Please, please, don't take him back, not for a second. STAND YOUR GROUND, don't talk to him, answer his calls (Iam sure he will say he will kill himself and how sorry he is too you--- ALL 100% manipulation) Once a man lays hands on you, even words, and you allow it, it will happen again and again, maybe it will go by for days or months but you allowed it in and accepted it it WILL continue no matter what. It is disrespect. It was not Christian of him to behave how he has, how he's treated you, and what he expects from you. Please if not for yourself for me, all women who have suffered from this, been scarred, warped and even died, and to their children and loved ones if not for YOURSELF, please, for all of us. God Bless you! You will find true happiness
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): Honey, I applaud your bravery because, most people never, ever get over the first person they have fallen in love with. Also, I support your stance on this matter: don't ever go back to him, and I don't think it would be a wise thing to befriend him either. Also, don't let him throw that "you're not a good person because, you won't take me back" crap in your face either!!! After all the crap he has done to you, the lies, the cheating, the disrespect, how DARE HE try to make you feel as though you are somehow a bad person because, you don't want to be with him. He sounds like a complete jerk! And if he continues to contact you, go to the police.
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