A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, everyone...am in desperate need of advice. My elder brother is set to marry this coming july. The problem is he is marrying a woman he dated for only two months. I know most will say that it doesn't matter how long you date. But I think he doesn't know her very well and I think she has deceived him about her character. I have asked around from people who know her and they all say she is not a decent girl, they say she is a wh***. And that she was set to marry someone else just before my brother met her.In my brothers eyes she is a saint, a serous church girl...and that is exactly what my brother wants in a wife. She has lied to him about her age she is way older than him which is fine but I think you have to be honest about that. And she has lied about her skin complexion (she has super bleached her skin).I don't want to sound superficial but honesty is key in relationship. I know my brother deserves better because he is a great guy but he is so naïve. And its killing me to have say anything because I can see how much he loves this girl. I don't want him to think that I just don't like his fiance. So I have told myself to just let it go but its killing me inside mostly because I know that even if I told him what I know he still won't listen to me and he will think I just don't like her.So should I go ahead and tell him or I should just let it go and keep my mouth shut.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 March 2014):
 Normally I would recommend you stay out of it, and that women should not sabotage one another but this is your brother we're talking about and the woman is set to become family.
In this case I say tell him, or better yet, do you have any other siblings who might have greater influence over him than you?
Just tell him what you know in a matter of fact manner and never mention it again. Let him decide if and how he wants to proceed.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (2 March 2014):
 1. TaylorSwift1Fan said: How can you be so sure that these people are telling the truth.Very true. Beware of what people say, for a reason or for another they may lie about this girl's past.2. Honeypie said: YOU might not know exactly what she's told him.Very true too. Your brother may tell everybody he is looking for a saint, but secretly is craving for a very sexual girl. The people private life has often enough to surprise their relative when things end up to be known. Remember the dear Rock Hudson who was an ideal he-man for so many female fans, but died from the aids he developed through his homosexual relationships. Your brother may know what his future wife is made of, and hope he will enjoy an unbridled sexual life with a so experienced girl, who in the meanwhile is so well able to make people believe she is an angel...That being said, if it was about my own brother, for sure I would tell him what I've heard about his fiancee. It would be up to him to believe it, or to make his own investigations. But as a brother - or a sister in your case - it's a duty to prevent the ones we love to suffer. We just have to be prudent and not accusing without proofs.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (2 March 2014):
 Everything you've heard is just gossip and rumour. You have nothing factual to go on.
I can understand that you're protective of your brother but he has to live his own life and make his own mistakes.
There are a few ways to deal with this as I see it.
Tell your brother what you have heard but present your information in way that does not look like you're attacking his beloved because he will obviously be defensive of her.
For example, someone told me....... how could they say such a thing about....... she wouldn't do that would she?
Alternatively you could speak to his fiancée directly and tell her what you've been told, her response should give you a clue as to whether she's genuine or a charlatan. If she's the latter encourage her to come clean to your brother.
The last option is to butt out and say nothing at all. We all have a past and some of us have skeletons in our closets.
Please remember, this girl may well have behaved inappropriately in the past and has maybe mended her ways and your brother may already be in the know or she may hope to keep it a secret as she's ashamed, alternatively she might have no past and the things you've heard are just nasty lies.
I wish you well and hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 March 2014):
 Keep quiet, chances are by the time the wedding comes round he will know all he needs to know about her.
He may already have an idea, he's an adult. Let him follow his own dream and if it all goes wrong, be there for him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2014): How can you be so sure that these people are telling the truth. How do you know she bleached her skin? How do you know she was set to marry someone else? How comes you feel these people are telling the truth? But I do agree with you, two months isn't a long time to get to know someone. No way! I think you need to be sure that these rumours are true before saying anything.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 March 2014):
 If you think he deserves to know all this, talk to her. Give her the chance to be honest with him. YOU might not know exactly what sh's told him.
Or you can suggest he wait a BIT longer to get married so they have a bigger chance of success and knowing each other, but your brother is a GROWN man. You say he is naive, but if rumors go around about her, I have no doubt he has heard some of them already.
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