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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 20 years old, and I have a 36-year-old brother who really likes to pick on me and make fun of me, especially when he thinks that I can't hear him, and I really can, even if I ask him to stop. In fact, my other two brothers can't stand him either, and don't want to be around him, because this man acts like a real jerk. How can I get this man to realize this, because he won't listen to me or any of my other two brothers. I can't talk to my parents, because they are dead. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (24 October 2006):
 Hello Anon,
I'm sorry to hear that you're having this sort of problem. I'm wondering if it's because your brother is jealous for whatever reason over you and your other siblings. There could be many different reasons for his behavior, though.
Have you all sat down to have a frank and assertive chat with him? It would probably be good to do this altogether so that he knows it's seriously bothering all of you. I would write down what points you want to cover beforehand so everyone makes sure he/she gets their point across. I would also have examples of when your brother does this as proof.
Now the bad side of trying to have a talk altogether is that our brother might think that you are all attacking him. But you need to tell him that you all want to work at having a better family relationship with one another. If you think that all of you getting together is a bad idea, then maybe you should try having this sort of conversation with him alone.
I can imagine that if you or your other siblings were to bring up family couseling, that he would also make fun of you guys for this, but it's worth a shot. Besides, it wouldn't be anything new if he were to act immature again, would it? Maybe he might actually see how serious you all are if this is brought up.
If you've tried everything, then I say maybe you should just keep your distance from this man. I have done this in the past as a last resort with a family member and although it was a little strange and sad at first, it was better for me in the end. It might be benificial for you, too, to not have to deal with such criticism in the future. But like I said, that should be a last resort.
It's a shame when a family has problems that can't be worked out. I hope it all works out for you and your siblings.
Take care.
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