| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My brother doesn’t like my life partner. We started out as an affair. We’ve put it behind us and are moving forward with our lives. It took us awhile and a lot of therapy to get to this place. But my brother is holding a grudge against my partner and he will not budge. We’ve been together for 10 years. But we’ve been out in the open and in an official relationship for 2 years now. My brother completely ignored my partner at a family gathering a few weeks ago. My partner tried to talk to him and asked him some questions and my brother looked at him and did not answer. He just kept surfing on his phone. It was very rude. My partner is no saint but neither is anybody else, my brother included. My brother had a family party yesterday for his daughter’s birthday and my partner was not invited to his house. Both my brother and his girlfriend (especially his girlfriend) do not want him there. He will never be allowed in their house. Of course I did not go as I think that’s unfair and wrong of my brother. No matter what has happened, he should have been more gracious and kind. Everybody deserves a second chance. To forbid someone from attending family functions when he is your sister’s partner is wrong! This is clearly causing discord. My brother told me that my son and I are always welcome but my partner isn’t. When he married his first wife, nobody liked her. My dad Sat my brother down and told him how he felt. But it was my brother’s decision to marry her. And we were happy for him and welcomed her into the family for his sake. They had 3 kids. Can you imagine if we all excluded his then wife and by extension his 3 kids? Imagine how he’d feel if we said we never want her in our house or at family gatherings. I’m sure he wouldn’t go either because it’s wrong. Aren’t we all allowed the dignity of our choices? Does he think not inviting my partner is going to break us up? That is ridiculous. My sisters and mother welcome my partner into the family and their homes. My brother and his girlfriend are the only ones holding a grudge. I’m sure they have skeletons in their closets nobody knows about. All they do is get drunk and act stupid at family functions. Maybe I should have excluded them too, for that reason? But I’m not that way. I believe in live and let live and the greater good. I am angry at my brother and his girlfriend for doing this. We will have to see them at other family functions. And it looks like we will never be visiting his house. How should we act when we see them? Do you think I have a right to be upset and not show up either? I’m taking a stand. I don’t think it’s fair. My brother is also excluding his nephew from gatherings at his house, as well as his daughters from seeing me, his aunt, and my son, his cousin.My partner is a good guy and he realizes he made a mistake in the past and he’s been redeeming himself ever since. My ex husband and him get along too. If they can get along and be friendly to each other, why can’t my brother? Why is he holding onto such hatred and resentment? In the end, he’s the one holding the grudge, not us. How do I handle this?
View related questions:
affair, cousin, drunk, mistress, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2022): Thanks for the input so far. It’s the OP.
But how would you react if your entire family, not JUST your brother, went up to the cottage over the summer and left you out because they didn’t want your husband there? In fact, they went so far to tell me that our share for a THREE day stay at a cottage was close to $2000??? We could go on a 2 week cruise for that kind of money! But my sister later said to me they didn’t want my husband there so they LIED to me (by asking me to pay an exorbitant amount of money they knew we could not afford!!) and excluded me (us) from spending time with my family (I was the only one who wasn’t there!) Even all the grandkids were there except for my son who is also a grandchild! He would have had fun spending time with his cousins and going to the beach! They even excluded him from that experience. Is this not going too far???!
How would you like that if that happened to you? Would you go back to being chummy with your family and having to be diplomatic like you’ve been all your life?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2022): Your brother is allowed to like or dislike whomever he wants. My brother tried to get me to like his brother-in-law (my sister-in-law's little brother). The more they tried to get me to like him and do things with him, the more I disliked him and resented him. So you might want to consider giving up on making things better between your partner and your brother and accept that their relationship is the best that it is going to be.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 September 2022):
 "How do I handle this?"
By ACCEPTING that your brother can decide WHO he wants to be around, talk to, and socialize with. That is not up to you OR your partner to dictate that.
Actions - such as cheating, have consequences.
It seems like your brother just doesn't want anything to do with your partner. And that is his "right".
You have to decide IF you want to be around your brother when this is how he chooses to act.
...............................
|
