A
female
age
36-40,
*oncerned sister
writes:Would you say anything in this situation or stay out of it.My younger brother is 25 he is dating a really nice girl who just turned 20. He is a good kid, never been in trouble before. It’s very plan to see that he is head over heels in love with her and she is with him. The only problem is he is very hands on, liekAlways touching her. He hand is on her ass or rubbing it, kissing her etc and when he drinks it’s worse. Last night we all went to a bar he I was embarrassed for both of them. He basically groped her all night. At one point he has his hands up her dress in the dance floor and my bf swears he was fingering bee later in the night. It was actually quite disturbing to see. She is only young and I wouldHate for her to get a bad name because if their drunken behaviour and it looksSo disrespectful towards her that he is doing this in public. My bf thinks I should stay out of it but I feelLiek someone should tell him how bad it looks
View related questions:
drunk, fingering, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2019): ok look tell him I think you shouldn't be doing that here cuz pepole and when he says why you say well this place is public and that guy (just point at some worker or something like that) said we will get kicked out and he will call athouritys
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2019): Talk to him about it. Reputations aside, a public place isn’t the time to be getting sexual beyond kissing and a hand on an ass. It’s just basic decency not to subject others to you getting it on to the point of sticking your hand down/up someone’s pants/skirt/dress or groping each other. Not totally sure why anyone thinks it’s okay to do that in public. People go out to have fun, not see the beginning of softcore porn.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2019): [EDIT]:
"... and sometimes it's a thrill making-out or being raunchy in-front of people."
"Why would you be hesitant to correct him?
Post script:
If you and your husband are out with them; you have every right to speak-up and ask him to show you both some respect.
I note the comment from an anonymous reader that it's not up to you to protect her reputation. That is correct, but he's your brother; and his behavior reflects on you too!
You're sitting there with them! You're judged by the company you keep! If they get kicked-out, or reported to the cops for indecency. How would you feel while everyone's staring at all of you? Teach him some manners! Unless you hangout in places where it's acceptable.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2019): You need to tell that cowboy to get a grip! Stop acting like he just got out of prison!
It's not only embarrassing for you; it's probably embarrassing her as well. Sometimes people in-love forget how to behave in public; and sometimes it's a thrill making-out or be raunchy in-front of people. If he hasn't been arrested, he just might be for public indecency! He takes it too far!
You don't have to bear witness to the groping; and most of it is showing-off and being obnoxious. It's disrespectful on all levels. To her, you, and everyone around them.
Why would you be hesitate to correct him? Was he brought-up to treat women like that?
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (2 January 2019):
 Yeah, you tell him. Kissing is fine, a hand on her butt is fine in a club, but I hand up her skirt in public is 100% a major no-no. It might just be her age and inexperience meaning she’s not confident enough to tell him not in public or it might be both of them drunk and/or naive, so I think you should have a private chat with him about it from a girl’s perspective, a sister’s perspective and that of someone seeing it in public.
Don’t have a go argue about it, just let him know that it’s inappropriate even in the club because people don’t want to see that and it could get her reputation whilst leaving him in the clear because he’s a guy. Again, don’t mention “fingering” (eww!) because you don’t know that for sure, just say it’s inappropriate for him to have his hand up her skirt in public.
If he wouldn’t do that when sober, I think it was him trying to get a thrill from them being in public, which she may or may not have wanted in that way.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2019): Stay out of it. Her "reputation" is not Yours to protect, nor should it be anyones business. What do you think, that we live in the 1800's? It's not like her reputation means anything in terms of academic results, job opportunities, or even getting married some time in the future, if thats what she wants. And even if there was a purpose to protecting her reputation, its still none of your business!Protect your brothers reputation, if anything. Back off from her. Although I still dont see why anyones reputation needs protecting here, as we are not living in the 1800's of early 1900's. That sort of thing stopped being of importance about 70 years ago. Get up to date.If you feel their behavior is bothering YOU, then ask your brother if they can cool it down in front of you. But I believe this is your problem, not theirs. So you need to either stop hanging out with them if it bothers you so much, or look away. But please, let them be. They are grown adults, not children, and their reputation is not a concern.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2019): Are you and your brother close and do you feel you can talk to him?
Yes it is a difficult one and i guess your boyfriend thinks you should both stay out of it but if your concerns outweigh that then as has been suggested take your brother to one side and tell him how you feel and how you feel it looks and might impact on his girlfriend.
At the end of the day we all have desires and when you first start dating someone it is new and exciting but we don't all go about being all over our partners, i agree there is a time and a place..
Hope it goes well if you decide to speak to him
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 January 2019):
 Since he is YOUR brother it might not be bad coming from you.
Tell him you are happy that he has found someone but that he isn't being very respectful of her. That groping her and well fingering her at a nightclub it's just tacky and crude.
That maybe he should SHOW his affection is a bit more PG13 way in public. Because she is so much younger than him she might not have tried to "resist" or set boundaries with him so he is crossing the lines of "respectful behavior.
IF you do decide to have a little chat with him... Do it just the two of you.
...............................
|
