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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My brother in law has went off the deep end with drugs. He's lost his job, no money, his mom and brother kicked him out. He's alone and messed up. My husband (his brother) and I want to help him. I've called around to rehabs and im trying to find help. I want my husband to bring him here until we can get him help. I want to try to talk him into going to rehab monday morning but they said it might take two days for the paperwork to go through. The problem is my brother in law has while he's been on drugs calling and texting me that he loves me. He feels like his love for me is part of his problem. He's dealing with pain, addiction and depression. I just want to help. I have nothing to offer financially and I know that would just enable him. Do u think its wrong to invite him here knowing in him mixed up mind he is in love with me? Do u think we could help him? Do u think It would make things worse? I don't work so I would always be here with him. Do u think I should tell my husband to invite him here?
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male
reader, BoundlessLove  +, writes (7 January 2015):
First of all, calling someone on drugs and having a mixed up mind is dismissive and insulting. That can make matters worse for different reasons.I think you should have a candid conversation with him in a public place. Validate his feelings for you but honestly and bluntly tell him that you don't have feelings for him. Talk to him about any moments that may have mislead him. Protect yourself, record the conversation if you live in a 1 party state ( http://www.dmlp.org/legal-guide/recording-phone-calls-and-conversations ) - but don't share it with anyone (it can be libel if used out of context). Record it for your personal use only. It might be admissible in court if things get out of hand. Keep a can of mace on hand, one that he can see and one that he can't.Do not try to help him! He will interpret "your help" as a secret affection you have for him. That is a mixed signal. Send him a clear message.Be honest with your husband. If your husband is likely to act adversely to his brother, then do the meeting before you talk to him. If he is likely to be supportive, then let him in on the meeting before it happens.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (17 November 2012):
 If he needs a place to stay and you feel you must support him, I would encourage you to set up these rules. If he breaks the rules just once, you and your husband must have the courage to send him packing:
1) Absolutely no drugs AND alcohol use. In fact you MUST remove all alcohol from the house prior to his arrival.
2) If he flirts with you or hits on you or crosses the line, he is OUT.
3) He must attend a meeting (AA / NA) every day.
4) His whereabouts must always be accounted for.
5) He must make measurable progress in getting his life back on track.
If you cut him any breaks, believe me, he'll take advantage of it. Drug addiction is a cunning, baffling and powerful disease / mental illness that shouldn't be taken lightly.
Eddie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): If you move him in your home make sure you lock up all values. I can understand you want to help but some people you just can't help, if his mom and brother kicked him out I sure in the heck wouldn't want him in my home.
Let me tell you this, my first cousin let our second cousin live with him because he didn't have nowhere to go, within two weeks when my first cousin came home one day, our second cousin had broke the window from the inside, stole all of my first cousin flat screens tvs and lord knows what else but none of our second cousin stuff were missing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. Yes my husband knows everything. His brother is hitting rock bottom right now. He's out there using right now. Obviously I don't want to help him use. I want to help him get help if he's ready. I called around and I found him a place that said they could take him but he has to fill out paperwork and come back sfter 48 hours. Then he would stay in detox 2-4 weeks in patient. Then I know he needs help. Someone to make sure he is going where he I'd supposed to. Someone to make sure he eats etc. Im home all day every day do it would be easiest for me to watch him. I feel if we leave him where he is now he will not live past this month. It's a difficult situation. I have no money to give and nothing worth stealing. Im just worried if being around me would make it worse like he said. He's been using at the family house for years so I know if he is there he won't stop. I just want to help.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (17 November 2012):
I would strongly encourage you NOT to bring your brother in law in your house. If he is messed up on drugs and sending you lovey/dovey messages, he may be thinking that your willingness to help him means you have a secret crush on him. You would be putting yourself at risk as well as your husband's relationship with his brother. Imagine your husband's anger if he found out his brother was hitting on his wife.
Drug addiction is a very complicated problem. You putting a roof over his head will not make him clean. In fact, you could be bringing in a whirlwind of trouble, especially if he starts using again -- now you are stuck with a drug addict in your house who may wind up stealing from you. I highly recommend you find him a half-way house, an in-patient rehab facility, as well as potential hospitalization. Therapy is also a "must" for getting cleaned up.
I would also encourage you to send him to Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous meetings. These are free support groups that will have the resources and know how to get him sober. If he is willing to attend these meetings, it will get him a head start on fixing up his life.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 November 2012):
 Does his brother(your husband) know that he has this crush on you?
And honestly, what do you and your husband really think you can do for an addict? I can see it being useful to help him get into rehab and getting HELP if he is ready but I'm not sure living with you and your husband will gelp him stop being and addict.
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