A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My brother is 31 years old and I am 29 years old. My brother is married.The problem is that the only time my brother and sister-in-law calls me is when they want something or when they want to complain about something. They call to ask for money, for me to babysit (even when they know I already have plans), to borrow something (even when they know I need the item they want to borrow) or they call when they need to complain about something. The other day, my sister-in-law called to complain that her best friend said that I said some bad things about her (my sister-in-law) which is untrue since I do not speak to my sister-in-law's best friend. Because of this, I started screening my calls and refusing to answer the phone when they call. I just do not want to continue wasting my time dealing with them anymore.I am wondering if they or my parents ever ask why I don't answer the phone when they call, should I tell them the truth? I don't care if I offend my brother and sister-in-law, but I do not want to cause trouble between myself and my parents or between my brother and our parents.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2014): Yep, I concur. You have to look at your part of it. Time for you to learn the art of polite decline.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 August 2014):
 I too agree with Uncle Wise.
Learn to say, no or... F no!
If you don't WANT to lend them money, then don't. It's really that simple. Same as babysitting when you have other plans, not that hard to say sorry, I can't I have plans.
If your brother asks what's up TALK to him. I would deal with him and not the SIL.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 August 2014):
 I'm in total agreement with the owl, the only reason people are taken advantage of is because they allow it to happen. Learning to say no just might be the most liberating thing you will ever do for yourself. Next time they call give it a try and remember that practice makes perfect.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2014): "I am wondering if they or my parents ever ask why I don't answer the phone when they call, should I tell them the truth?"
Yes, and the truth is you were unavailable to take their calls. You don't need to say any more, and should they press you for details then politely but firmly end the discussion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2014): You are old enough to stand up for your rights. There is no reason to beat around the bush. Not being clear and honest is how people create bad-blood and dissension in families.
If it's an inconvenience and you're tired of being bothered, why didn't you just tell them that?
You know the two-letter word "NO", and you're creating problems by being cowardly toward your own flesh and blood.
You have no obligation to give anyone anything if you can't or don't want to. If you want to be paid back, make them sigh a promissory note or an I.O.U.
Pickup the phone when family calls, it might be an emergency. If it's to complain, just tell them you're busy or not in the mood for bad news. If it's to ask you to babysit, tell them you have other plans.
They're not the problem. You're your own problem; because you just won't be straight-up and honest.
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