A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am a 26yr old girl in relationship with a 27yr old guy since 4 yrs....we both love each other and are looking forward to marry in futre. Problem is his temper n impatient nature over lil things which often leads to fights between us.I dunno how to deal with it coz then he gets really irritating and he even uses hurtful words..sometimes things get so unmanagable that i feel like quitting there and then..have tried talking 2 him..he promised he would work over it but it vain....please help!! Sneha Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Hi there,I am in EXACTLY the same situation. My boyfrind and I have been together for FOUR years, and so far I am having some very irritating problems. I'll make my list for you to see if you have anything in common.1) He has an extremely bad attitude (like a child) if things don't go his way. He is sweet to the general public but comes home in a seriously bad mood and I feel like screaming. HOWEVER, if I do, it's totally conterproductive. He really just get's worse. It's like a two year old waiting for any kind of attention. GOOD OR BAD.2) I am currently learning to ignore him if he gets into this state. I will NOT put up with childish behavior. If he feels like giving me a hard time, I simply walk out the door, or I open a book (watch TV whatever), and I don't pay attention to him at all.3) If he really blows up (like in public--only happened twice in four years but still) I tell him to take me home immediately and, again, totally ignore him.4) If he makes a really disrespectful statement, I say how dare you, you are EMBARRASING ME, and I leave for most of the day and don't accept phone calls.5) I have had an anxiety problem for the last five years which has made me very very needy. I have since then given up the Xanax, after finding out I am bi-polar and moved onto more effective meds that have made me see things a lot more clearly.6) VERY IMPORTANT: I have just started this new regime, and I have been seeing results. DO NOT accept someone treating you like SHIT. I know you love him, but if he is acting like a child, treat him like one. Ignore his tantrums, DO NOT call him all the time, and if he gets very bad, calmly tell him that you are going to leave the house for a while and will be back later. NO EXCEPTIONS.7) If worst comes to worst, let him know you need to move out for a while. 8) Being a firm person who respects yourself will make other people respect you. Acting needy and acting like you are not good enough will encourage EVERYONE else to see you this way. Including your boyfriend. Show him that you have self respect, and he will start respecting you too. This was my biggest mistake over the last few years and it had been a hard time to get my self esteem back. 9) DO NOT ANSWER ANY PHONE CALLS AFTER AN IMMEDIATE FIGHT. Don't reward his bad behavior with indulgence. Make him work for it. You ARE worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): It really is not worth it. Marrying him is not going to solve the temper problem... it might actually make it worse. The best thing to do is confront him about it and tell him that you deserve to be treated better and fairly because you love him. I usually don't like ultimatums, but in this case I think you are justified to give one. If he gets mad, just leave... you deserve better.
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