A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all! Thanks for taking the time to read this!When my boyfriend and I started dating, I didn't know that he smoked. He never did it around me and I didn't think to ask since I never saw him smoking.One day though, the topic came up and I made a comment that I didn't like being around smokers because I'm sensitive to the fumes, it affects my allergies, and it's just yucky. That's when he told me that he smokes, and has been for almost half his life (he's almost forty now). He has mentioned that he's quit for short periods of time before, and he does want to kick it for good, but needs to be in the right mindset. Fine, I get it. I don't like it, but I'm understanding.Anyway, I had gotten to know him enough to know that I still wanted to see him even knowing of his addiction. I appreciated that he wouldn't smoke in my presence and would take care to keep ashes and stuff far from me.Then he got really stressed about financial matters involving family members, so I noticed he would not only smoke more, but around me and everything.I'm taking weekly allergy injections (that started before we met) and I'm also on the pill for various reasons (for many years now). Both of which have warning to stay away from smoking, etc.His smoking is an addiction and I know he can't just turn it off, but how can I help him toward that path? I don't nag, but I have expressed that it's affecting my health (and his, too, obviously!) and that's a concern and disrespectful to me. Additionally, how do I make him realise, that over the past few months since his smoking has increased, his teeth and breath have been becoming yellow and awful, and that they're turning me off?I really want him to quit, sooner than later, for both of us though. If he's concerned at all, wouldn't he be doing something about it? Effort would be appreciated, ya know?Help... Feedback? Comments? Words of wisdom? Thank you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): My ex mother in law (such a charming woman) told me that when she met my ex boyfriend's father, he smoked. She liked him but she told him that if he wanted to continue to see her he would have to quit smoking. She told him it was either her or the cigarettes. And that was that. 30 years later he has not touched a cigarette since.
They are such a charming couple and are still so in love. She is a very strong headed woman but just so cool and lots of fun. She is not a whiner or a complainer. She solves things with ease.
Obviously their story is probably the exception to the rule. But ultimatums do work magic with the right guy given the right woman.
I say give him an ultimatum. You don't like cigarettes and you do not want to be with someone who smokes. As simple as that. You would like to be with him but only if he quits. And that's that. Give him a choice. Be strong. Be serious.
And if he obliges then great. If not, oh well. You have to think of what you want and what is best for your health and that of your family and loved ones.
Don't think about it too much. Just give him an ultimatum and that's that.
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