A
female
age
36-40,
*hrysa84
writes:Hey there.I'm sure that you got many emails including weird sex questions. Here it is mine:My bf and i are together for a year and live together for 8 months. We had a great relationship until the time i found out that he is watching beastiality porn.We use the same computer and, obviously, we don't have secrets.Anyways. It made me feel uncomfortable, so we discussed it and he promised me that he won't do it again. This was a month ago.Unfortunately,he broke his promise. As i was on internet, i wanted to check the history, so i discovered for a second time that he was keeping watching these movies.I really don't know what i can do. I love him very much but this is too much for me.I believe some things have their limits. I don't want to lose him, but i don't see another option. I would appreciate any advice. I really need it.Thanks a lot. I will be waiting for your answers.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): Thanks for your reply Miss. DiovanLestat :) You are brave to admit that it is a double standard.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): That's a very good point, and yes, my attitude (western) is very hypocritical.... I'm a meat eater...
Thanks for pulling me up on that point. I think it's about a question of survival. I choose not to be an vegetarian, because I believe we are supposed to eat whatever when can get our hands on.... but then again, the same thing probably goes for sex... dash and bother... very good point Mr Anonymous, very good indeed...
Luckily the answer is easy.. As far as I know, in Canada, bestiality porn is illegal, society has made the decision for me....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): Miss DiovanLestat, Are you a vegetarian? If not, do you get consent from that animal before eating it? If you are a vegetarian, do you think non-vegetarians are equally sick as people having sex with animals? Why sex is such an evil thing and such a great thing simultaneously in the west? I am not supporting this guy. I am just curious becoz you brought up the issue of consent.
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female
reader, chrysa84 +, writes (11 December 2008):
chrysa84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for your answer.I really appreciate it.
He told me that he doesn't tutn on with this videos, but every person is curious to see weird stuff and in any case that person do this in real life.
Anyways.I want to thank you all of you once again.You helped me a lot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): I do have a question, why dose every single person on this board who looks at porn, always get diagnosed as an addict.
Addiction is a real serious problem. Overdiagnosis of a very serious illness can make it a mockery and target people who have no problem at all.
Looking at illegal pornography and having a sexual addiction are two complete different things. I have no idea if this guy has ever looked at anything other than bestiality. And looking at strange or illegal pornography dose not prove addiction.
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female
reader, Too Sensitive  +, writes (11 December 2008):
He probably started with mainstream porn and went from there. He's probably been looking at porn for awhile now. When a person has a sex addiction, they usually have to "up the anty", b/c what used to satisfy them no longer does. So they keep having to raise the stakes, they keep having to look higher to get their thrills. Their behavior becomes more and more risky. I can't diagnose whether or not he is a sex addict, but looking at porn in secret, promising that he will stop, then not having the self-control to do so...besides the content of what he is viewing...are all signs. Search information on-line on sex addiction...it is very eye opening. Unfortunately, sex addiction is becoming more and more rampant. This is not to say that everyone who views porn is a sex addict. It all depends on the details.
Everyone is different, and there are different levels of sex addiction. Some people never progress to beyond the computer screen. Others must advance to acting out and doing in real life what they see on the screen.
Yes, if he has (or plans to) act out, that would be far worse than just looking at it. Regardless, either way, it would be unacceptable to me. I would say this is a huge red flag as to his underlying character and psychological issues, and an indication you are dealing with much more than meets the eye.
If this is what turns him on, that's pretty scary. I agree with other posters here - he may as well be looking at child pornography, though in my opinion I feel that would be even worse.
Personally, I would not have been able to stay with him after catching him the first time. That would have been it. However, love has a strange way of making us tolerate things we normally wouldn't.
If you must stay with him, you can help him in his recovery, but it will be a long hard road, and it will take everything both of you have got. He will need professional help to kick his habit. He will need what they call an "accountability partner" who monitors what he does on the computer and elsewhere. That partner could be you, if you and he both agree. Otherwise, if he is not accountable to someone, then he will most likely go back to his habit, but become rather keen at covering his tracks. And you will never really know whether or not he has stopped.
Good luck to you, whatever you decide.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): A compromise maybe.. There are stories about beastiality on the internet. Maybe you can tell him no video's or pictures, but stories and fantasies about it might be ok. Maybe he could be satisfied with that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): I've been trying to check, I don't think bestiality pornography is legal in your country...
For me it's a question of consent and animals can't consent. If this is illegal, then like child pornography he is committing a crime and watching an animal being abused.
Personally, I couldn't be with somebody that was watching that kind of thing but that's me. I would remind him that it's illegal and moral sickening. But how to get him to stop, like all pornography you can't. But personally for me, this is not right, and the fact that he can't see it, would make me feel strange around him... It's illegal, so I definitely would not allow it on a computer that I shared with him, I would not want the police to target me, like they are now targeting people who used to watch child pornography. For me, they are the same thing.
Sorry, can't be much more help. These are just my own personal views and you must do the best thing for you.
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (11 December 2008):
 It is a bit weird frankly. Also, seems perhaps that he is not too bright if he can't cover his tracks better than that ...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): If the shock of being found out is not enough already, he wont stop. If you cant live with it, move and and find someone else.
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